


Smallville Twisted

by phantomzone08



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Complicated Relationships, Dorks in Love, F/M, Family Secrets, Female Clark, Female Protagonist, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Identity Reveal, Legends, Naman and Segeeth, Protective Lex, Reconciliation, Season/Series 05 Spoilers, Secret Identity, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 94,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9629822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantomzone08/pseuds/phantomzone08
Summary: Clair Kent has been known to carry the world on her shoulders. Powers or not, that is a hard feeling to shake, particularly after she realized she might be the only thing standing between Lex and darkness. She's willing to get closer to the darkness to pull him back into the light. It's a knife's edge between falling and staying up but she has to try, even if she has to think more like a Luthor.Fem!Clark Kent. Slightly darker Fem!Clark, but she's trying to do right even if she might be wrong. Kind of twisted, messed up love between a Luthor and Kent. Because, really, with Jor-El and Lionel pulling strings, how could they ever be normal? And then there's the legend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "Clark Kent/Kal-El" switches to "Clair Kent/Kara-El" (Yes, making her cousin "Kal-Zor El", human name Kalvin or something, maybe stick to Clark, I don't know, but it doesn't matter atm) This is a Genderbender because it's a lot of fun to mess with. A friend got me started re-watching the show and I got this idea!
> 
> Spoilers: Story begins several days after Season 5, episode Mortal. So there's spoilers for anyone not at least up to that point but it's not a play by play of the show. I hint at things I altered in the world but I don't retell, just add things I wish they had. After the first bit it will go totally AU.
> 
> The story does follow most of the main plots but it is AU in the major sense. A particular change is edited out some relationship drama because I couldn't endure quite the amount the show kept up. For Chloe's sake, there never was a serious love triangle between any of them. I kept the Pete is in love with Chloe angle though because, please, can someone pick the poor girl over Lana? If anything, Clair is the Chloe of the story relationship speaking. Lana and Clair are very close friends but I hardly touched that. I got very annoyed with the emotional whiplash of Lana and Clark so in this story it's tame though they would still fight about the lies, it's not a major plot point. Oh, though I did edit what happened with Helen because that was too terrible for me to handle, I liked her character so she was edited to be less evil beyond words.

Angel by the Wings-Sia

* * *

The pocket watch sitting on the desk was tick, tick, ticking very loudly. Normally it was not noticeable but when it was particularly quiet every sound was bounced off the cold surfaces of the mansion. Even the servants were not around at this point. Most had gone home aside from a few guards. It was as lively as a graveyard, per usual. Since Lionel had been placed in professional care things were all the more still. That left only ghosts to lurk about in the study and haunt the only person within. Ghosts tended to be the main company that Lex Luthor entertained far more than flesh and blood people.

He rubbed irritably at his forehead, reading the same line of a document for the third time before he tossed it onto the shining glass of his desk. The table with his best companions called to him persistently until he relented and pored himself a few fingers worth. The tinging burn on his tongue never ceased to please the likely masochistic side of him as it worked into his blood to sooth a little tension out of him.

At times he missed the days when he had a bit of company to fill up the overlarge stone sepulcher. When he had that thought he shook it off quickly with a memory of the abysmal list of his past relationships that had a habit of nearly ending with him dead or his father with new ammunition to use in one of his many games.

Victoria Hardwick was sadly one of his lesser problem relationships. It all made him jaded, he knew. Perhaps that had been why the sudden, newfound realization struck him so fully baffled. The minute his best friend glared at him, blood trickling from her lip from his punch, he knew. As he stared at her back while she stormed away he understood the reality of his obsession with her. Clair Kent was his best friend, a family member he wished to have had, not a love interest. That was what he always believed. The trouble was more along the lines of whether or not he could trust the new revelation.

He had thought he was in love before.

Dr. Helen Bryce? He had loved her but he drove her away by stealing that vial. Of course, after she walked out he discovered she had worked for his father, at least on some occasions. Even more stinging was the fact that she sold the vial to his father a little later. He was well to be rid of her and it had made him evaluate his relationships.

Lionel said he was only trying to test her love for his son, tests she failed. Maybe, maybe there was a slight chance she only turned on him after he stole from her office, but that was only if he generously gave her the benefit of the doubt. After her betrayal and Clair's abandonment he had been more willing to listen to his father; he had been right about the last two women, he gave the man that. But Clair, his guardian had not been there to pull him away from the edge and he had found himself very, very lost. Particularly when he had nearly died on a business trip when the plane crashed in the mountains to leave him stranded for weeks.

It was not rational but he felt betrayed that she had not been there to save him the way she always was. At least he had that watch to find his way back to the world; no wife, but he had the wedding gift anyway. The Kent's rescued him once again, per usual. Even so, things had gone down hill after that point, even once Clair came sneaking back to her old life. He had not been in love with her then, or perhaps he had. It was hard to be entirely sure.

Had he not been essentially drugged on pheromones, he would have realized the day of his wedding how much he loved this girl when she agreed to be the female equivalent of his "best man" the day before he got married. She had very obligingly worn a tux rather than a dress to balance out the sides; that had been her idea, even. She ran in, was fitted for the suit that would match his, and did it with a smile. He aptly termed her his "best lady" for that. Honestly, that should have tipped him off that he was not in his right mind, calling her that without even realizing how true it wasl. She was his best friend but he had always equated her with forever, and more, and perfect; his guiding light.

Would that he had been capable of believing her when she had been suspicious of his wife, did some digging, and found an alias. Clair knew all along something was wrong with Desiree Atkins. He chalked it up to jealousy when his wife told him Clair was acting out because she had feelings for him; which Clair countered with an apparently true account of seeing the woman in the process of seducing Pete; a good move on his soon to be ex-wife's part considering the boy's well known hate of anything Luthor... and less known prior attempt. He dearly wished he listened to the right girl back then, not to mention Mrs. Kent's very accurate reaming.

Still further, he should have recognized his own behavior as signs. Lex was rarely willing to touch people; touch was too personal a thing aside from a handshake or two. He was however, both more and less willing to touch Clair. He was subconsciously always very, very careful never to allow the distance between them to be overly close in proximity, yet he touched her arms, hands, or occasionally offering a squeeze to the shoulder with more ease than he did with anyone else. The time they hugged after she came home, they lingered and clung to the contact longer than was strictly necessary but he equated it to missing her and a near death experience. It was careful shows of outward affection, but still decidedly distanced ones that kept them balanced. Trouble potentially being, his mind would not have needed to construct such a careful checks and balance system if there was no need for it.

Perhaps since she returned his truck and sneaked into his mansion, perhaps later, he had fallen unknowingly in love with her; even he did not know when it happened. Things changed, developed into something more at some indeterminable point without his notice. When, for a brief time he had thought she was his half sister, everything seemed to make sense; his affections for her suddenly seemed fated. Now he was glad they had been wrong. It would have been another black mark to his soul.

The stain glass doors of his study slowly eased open to reveal a familiar teal and white plaid patter broken up in places by thick curls of long dark hair.

Speak of the devil and she will appear. Without knocking or announcement, no less. His guards really needed to stop letting her in so easily.

"I thought we decided we should take a break?" Lex announced to the wall to the side of her to avoid making that declaration while he could see what no doubt would be irritation on her face; he had never been good at asserting finality in the face of her displeasure. This time he was not about to be swayed by her disregard of their - well, her- decision to call an end to their friendship. Or maybe that was supposed to be 'back away for some perspective' in her mind. He pointedly started at the mantle but he could not help turning his eyes back to her and what he saw stopped him cold.

She did not look angry, it was a thousand times worse than that; she looked stricken, hurt, crushed by his dismissal and he found himself revising, relenting only a breath after he assuredly told himself he would be firm. Gesturing with his half full glass, he muttered, "Have a seat."

Oh, he was an easy target! He hated that. He just could not say no, did not want to, probably because he wanted her there even if he also didn't. There was a war inside him most of the time between the side that wanted to push Clair away and the side that wanted to pull her close. Like any business man, he tended to let the two sides meet in the middle even if it leaned more heavily to the latter.

He should have relished causing her a little pain after all the times she had lied to his face and pushed him away. It should have given him a little bit of twisted enjoyment, but it did not. They both lied to each other fairly regularly. He had begun to realize they had a pattern there; if one of them told the truth, the other would lie. A twisted balancing act.

She fluttered in the direction of the couch, teeth chewing absently at her lower lip, eyes twitching about in some sort of nervous display he had almost never seen from her. She must be pretty upset or even fearful over what she came for. Watching her, he could only think of a frightened little bird, ready to flee at the very next harsh word. When she sat, it was only on the very edge, almost enough to put her on the floor rather than the couch cushion. If ever he had seen anyone ready to flee it was now.

"I know I should not have come here." Her green eyes were downcast in a guilty sort of way.

"But you did anyway." He said knowingly, "So, to what do I owe this visit?" Lex sauntered toward the couch and eased into one of the chairs.

The moment he was down she was back on her feet, uncharacteristically wringing her hands as she also began to pace, "Lex, I want to talk."

"So I gathered." He could not quite manage to curb his tongue or curt responses.

Clair shot him a mild glare before it was gone and she was back to her nervous fidgeting. "Has anyone of interest been around recently?"

Lex raised a derisive brow, trying not to visibly bristle, "What do my visitors have to do with your cover of darkness meeting with me?"

"Nothing... it's more that I- what I mean to ask is... I just wanted to know if it's safe to speak freely." She shoved her hands under the long farm shirt and into her jean pockets.

He nodded in understanding, "You want to know if someone instigated another infestation of bugs? Or if someone is listening? Well, the answer is that we should be safe. Or do you want me to unbutton my shirt as proof, just in case?"

Her eyes again roamed over the entire room but with far more focus, as if she really expected to see the devices lurking about somewhere. After her careful study she seemed to relax very marginally. "No, I was just checking."

He shifted his voice into a mocking purr, "What could be so important that you don't want others to know?"

Clair Kent, the veritable queen of secrets was afraid of being overheard? Shocking! Though she did not normally ask if his home was safe for their discussions, which could mean it was serious. Whatever she said was sure to be highly shrouded in mystery and she would expect far more information offered than she would give. They walked a strange and uneven line but trust was not exactly a free agent.

As if he never noticed her vanish mysteriously, or the bad guys unconscious with a door or window smashed by the time he got there, or things happening to fall conveniently where they needed to; not to mention fires putting themselves out **and** the threat unconscious; was he not supposed to figure out she was playing guardian angel to him and a lot of other people? She must have thought he was obtuse. That was not even counting the things happening in the Kawatche cave or his unconfirmed though nagging suspicions.

But then, she did bleed when he hit her. He had seen her bleed before as well. It never did add up in the slightest.

"I want us to be like we were..." She shrugged one shoulder, hands still deep in her pockets, "I want back what we had before the trial and everything." It did not escape him that she dodged the question.

"We can't exactly go back in time, Clair." He toned his voice intentionally smooth to hide the sharpness of his point, "And a lot has changed. You become so angry with me, become enraged when I don't tell you absolutely everything, yet you have never been honest with me since the moment I met you. You cannot expect me to offer what I am never given." He pointed at her, frowning slightly, "If you were honest with yourself, you would realize that I have always been more honest with you than you have ever been with me."

For a moment she only blinked at him. The way she opened her mouth only to close it again felt like vindication. He was right and she knew it regardless of her admitting it.

"You are so changeable, Clair!" He persisted, "You turn your back on our friendship one day and stroll in all smiles the next. How do you expect me to keep up with that? How can I trust you when you go behind my back time and again, even to my father? I may have secrets, I admit that, but I have been more open with you than anyone else... but that's not good enough for Miss Kent."

"I am supposed to be thrilled when you investigate me like your science projects? Put people I love in danger so you can test me?" Her hands jerked from her pockets when she folded her arms over her chest.

"And you have never investigated me? Even when I asked you not to? You have never followed me or dug into my business? It seems to me like the two of us are more alike than not. Birds of a feather... but I admit it and you don't. What does that make you?"

With a sigh, she pursed her lips and dipped her chin, "I don't want to fight. We've done enough of that."

He spread both hands to the side, "Neither do I. But I also do not care to go around and around our issues without resolution."

There was a long span of total silence. They stared at each other, perhaps waiting for the other to break. Clair watched him closely, seeming to peel him apart with her eyes. The wheels turning in her mind were almost visible. Any minute she would storm out, tossing some likely cutting remarks at him before she left. If he were honest, he was desperate to make her stay. He wanted them to be friends more than anything else in the world but he was no longer sure they could be. Every time they were in a good place something would happen, then she would run in and confront him with distrust. There might never come a time when there was real trust between then again, he was nearly to the point where he lost all hope of it.

"All right, ask me what you like. Go ahead." She sounded resigned, as if she was ready to stand before a guillotine.

It was his turn to blink at her. That was an offer he could never refuse. Not that he believed she would answer but he had to try.

"Why did you disappear the day I was supposed to be married?" That question had been one very burning flair at the front of his mind since Helen walked out on him the night before the wedding once he confessed to his crime. He had lost his fiancé and his best friend in nearly the same day. Clair vanished and no one, even his father or himself, had been able to find her. "And why did you stay away so long? I looked for you, everyone did." Without credit cards or a use of her name he had found nothing to track her with. A few street cameras caught her but they were not enough to identify her place of living besides the whole of Metropolis.

She looked shocked, as if that was the last thing she ever expected. Maybe she expected the car question again. That one had crossed his mind but he was nothing if not original. "What? That is what you want to ask?"

Lex forced down any response of annoyance. She already sounded ready to offer up excuses and avoid his every question. For all he knew, she might suddenly need to write a research paper. It was so like her to offer something like open truth only to back out rather suddenly. She was a master of redirecting conversations and withdrawing promises. Of course he had no room to judge.

"You said to ask what I liked. I want to know why you left everyone and everything. Why no one could find you for three months."

"Okay... you always have had skill for kill shots." She smiled with such force that it looked painful, letting out a bitter laugh that was so wrong coming from her throat; it was a sound far more suited to a Luthor; and her eyes veered to the balcony to remain there. "Well... I had met my biological father two days before, he forcefully dropped into my life like he owned me... ordered me to leave Smallvile and go wherever he instructed. He essentially said he had my life mapped out for me and I would have no use for my old family or friends."

Lex was thrown and actually speechless. The information was shocking, to say the least, but he was far more baffled not to have had the question dodged artfully. She never said a word about her biological family contacting her. True, he had been busy, but he would have listened. She had seemed... tense, distant, but he never realized it was as serious as her father dropping into her life to turn it upside down. Her father contacted her? He tried to take her away? Why? Where? Now the running free and wild made a little more sense.

She surprised him further by continuing without being forced, eyes still fixed to the banister. "I refused to go... and he did not take it overly well." Her voice took on a lofty male imitation, "'You will obey me,'" and she laughed with that same hollowness, "He said if I refused to do as instructed, if I fought him, there would be _consequences_. I tried to throw him off my trail, out fox him before the deadline he set, but it did not go so well... The consequences turned out to be the massive damage to the far and my mother in the hospital and the baby..."

Oh. No wonder the poor girl lost it back then. But her father was responsible? What had he done? Plant a bomb? Or something worse?

Clair turned sharply away, slapping her hands against her hips rather loudly, "I knew things could only get worse from there, so I ran. I didn't want him to find me or anyone else. I figured neither of us could hurt anyone but me if I just stayed far away. I thought it was best if I just... wasn't there to ruin anyone else's lives. I thought I gave him the slip but he... Well, anyway, after I left I was trying to vanish but I was in pain... so I basically got high and stayed that way so that I wouldn't have to think about any of it."

He remembered, during her time as a walking truth factory, Chloe told him Martha confessed that Clair's biological father drove her away. At the time he put little stock in it since Chloe did not have to reciprocate truth. It seemed she had not lied. It must have been an odd offer born from pity at the admission she forced from him and her decidedly malfunctioning judgement. Though he almost had not held in his response of shock to the revelation that such a wholesome farm girl would ever even touch drugs. It was almost too shocking to believe, but he did believe her. He had suspected she was on something a time or two before but always assumed he was paranoid.

Though the world was surely ending if the amount of truth flowing in the room from Clair Kent, queen of convenient term papers was to be noted. Still, he could not ignore the opportunity for a little more. "What brought you back?" He finally found his voice.

"Oh, it turned out both of my fathers eventually decided I was spiraling into a place I would not come back from. Or, no, that's a lie, my dad jumped through hell and back to help me." She still would not look at him, "They joined forces after my dad - the Kent's, not the monstrosity- found out where I was. My dad came and got me, got me off my drug of choice, and brought me back to the farm."

There was a distinct coldness to the separation of 'father' and 'dad' in the way she spoke. The difference indicated she still had very strong negative feelings on the subject. From what he was hearing that seemed understandable. It must not have been what she always hoped for in finding her real-biologic family. She called one 'dad' and the other 'monster.' He must really have made an impression. He was not sure he had ever heard her even call Lionel a monster before and he knew there was no love lost there.

Maybe her father had something to do with her fear of the legends. Naman and Sageeth particularly. Was it yet another case like Teage's? A parent pulling strings to get their child to fulfill some wild scheme? Maybe she had power from one of those items like the knife that had turned to dust. It would explain how she could accomplish the impossible and then bleed from a punch. An item would give her power only if it was with her. It was a possibility. Or she could have something to take them away. He would have to think that over.

"And the second time you vanished from the face of the earth?" He watched the way she visibly flinched. That time he had not bothered to look for her; he had been too sick to care most of that time, and the rest had been spent on research. Judging from the past he supposed she would return eventually.

"Ah, well... I honestly remember very little of those three months. I only remember how it started and how it ended."

"How did it start and end, then?" He would have pushed it further but he had the distinct impression if he pushed just a little more she might fly away and be gone.

His impression was corroborated when she took several steps toward the door as if she wanted to blot, "It started with a guy I was lead to believe was my cousin - Kal- being murdered beside me and my dad getting hurt trying to stop me from being taken. The next three months are pretty much blank. I mostly know they consisted of my mind being very, very messed with. I remember... being stripped naked and left that way the whole three months. I didn't even... I couldn't tell up from down... I honestly didn't know my own name by the time I was tossed into a cornfield. I never would have known who I was if mom hadn't been so persistent to get me to remember."

"Good God, Clair!" Lex was at her side before he registered moving, his hands glued to her shoulders. Any potential irritation he felt toward her went up in smoke. Three months? Jonathan was hurt trying to save her, completely comatose if he remembered? And what cousin? Clair vanished the day of the trial and Jonathan was admitted to the hospital then as well. Had his father instigated something? Some kind of revenge? Or was it her own father? Or were the two working together? It was not beyond the scope of possibility with his father, and such a form of revenge was not uncharacteristic. The old man always did seem to know more than he should and his interest in Clair was an obsession that could have been a connection. It might also explain why his father was not exactly all there at present, a side effect he had not counted on.

He thought she left as a mixture of their fight and because she could not handle her father's condition. No one ever explained what happened. Maybe no one had known if Jonathan had been the only one there.

Three months, just gone from her life? And had someone really manipulated her mind so badly that she forgot _who she was_? Having seven weeks carved from his memory had driven him insane, he could not imagine what something like what she described would do to her. She had lost her memory thanks to some memory loss mutant, but it was no mutant act she was describing. It was much closer to Summerholt and lab experimentation. He had heard the story about Lois finding Clair in a cornfield but he never believed it. That was far beyond unethical! That was torture! How could they do that to her? He knew what made him forget so much but how much worse had been done to her? How horrific must it have been for her to fully block it from her mind?

"Tell me who did that to you!" Whoever it was would pay dearly! The protective side of him jumped into a whirlwind he doubted he wanted to stop. Heads would roll! He had an unmistakable urge for blood.

He tried to turn her to face him but it was clearly one move too many for her to handle. She pulled away, rushing for the door. He raced after her, slamming the door shut again with both hands braced on either side of her. He pressed his chest to her back and circled her waist with one arm to hold her there while he reasoned with her, "Clair! Talk to me! Don't run away from me! Let me help you!"

"This is why I didn't want to tell you! I knew you would react like this!"

He was nearly panting into her hair from the stress of his own emotions, "All I want is to keep you safe. I will not let anyone hurt you! I don't care who it is, I'll destroy them." God, he would never let someone hurt her like that again. He could only think of what his own father had done to him. That could not happen to this gentle creature, never again. Everyone had a weakness, he just needed to find the right one to bring the threat down. He swept her hair away from her neck with the fingers not actively holding onto her, whispering urgently into her ear, "Tell me who it is!"

Clair twisted sharply to one side, throwing off his balance enough to make him latch onto the door to keep from crushing her. Before he could readjust she was heading for the other door. Lex called her name, already moving to catch her again. She was not leaving until he knew who to protect her from, until he knew she was safe! If she left without telling him, he might never know when she might suddenly vanish again. The thought made him nearly irrationally desperate.

"This was a mistake! I can't do this!" Clair jerked open the door and nearly threw herself out, racing down the hall like a pack of dogs was nipping at her heels.

Though he pursued her out of the house, down the drive, and to the gate - which she promptly jumped and wriggled over - he did not catch her. All he could do was watch her vanish into the trees. He had almost caught her a few times in that chase, inches away from grabbing her, but she really was fast. Panting slightly for breath and leaning on the gate, he waved away several panicked guards and marched back into the house. In hindsight, chasing her might not have been the wisest of choices. Rushing a Kent and trying to gain anything by force never ended well. He also might have sounded a bit deranged to her ears. Even so, he hustled himself to the garage and jumped into his car to see if he could find her.

He had to find her! He **_needed_** to protect her. There had always been a fierceness to protect anyone he cared for, even when he was young. All his money, all his power, it was made for things like this. Probably the biggest reason he worked so hard to gain more and more of it was to be sure he could always protect what he wanted. There was no worse feeling than being helpless, his father made him feel it enough times. He hated being helpless. Jonathan or no, he would hide Clair away in China if he needed to... or, well, maybe not near any temples, but somewhere. No step was too many if it meant he always knew nothing bad could happen to her. He never really had friends but he would protect the ones he had now.

It took an hour, but he found her. When he skidded to a stop and jumped out of the car he took it as an encouragement when she did not bolt. When he neared her, carefully easing closer to avoid spooking her like one might a doe, she only spared him a glance. Her eyes looked a little more blue than they had at the mansion. It seemed she was simply wondering aimlessly in the light of the moon. She stopped walking and so did he, but she said nothing.

Lex took it as indication she wanted him to speak, "I'm sorry... I did not mean to frighten you." He ran a hand nervously over his scalp, "But I responded poorly because you frightened _me_. I don't understand why you never told me someone was threatening you, had hurt you! _Haven't I proved to you yet that I want to protect you?_ If you're in trouble I will do _everything_ in my power to keep you safe! Don't you believe that? Don't you think you can come to me with anything?"

"It's not that I don't believe you." Clair smiled distantly, "I know you would do what you could but even as powerful as you are, you can't stop some things. Lana and her ancestral feud proved that well enough. The past has a way of hurting the present. You and I... we both fight destiny but... I think you're much stronger than I am. I tend to run from my problems where you face them head on." She was being uncharacteristically cryptic, that was normally his department.

Lex took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him, pleased that she let him this time, "I will protect you! I will, Clair! Please, just tell me names and I'll make sure they never come near you again! I always protect my own!"

She smiled again but it looked tired, "Yes, I remember... I remember the man that entered a hostage situation he thought was a suicide mission, and took the fall for a murder to protect a friend, staged a bombing to hide a witness, and injected himself with an untested antidote. I remember how you protect things, Lex. That's why I didn't tell you until I stupidly decided to try honesty. I lie because things never go well when I'm honest." Her hand splayed over his chest, "You have a big heart, Lex, even if you're afraid of it and try to drown it out."

With a sigh, she pulled from his hold again, "And honestly? There was another powerful man that told me he tried to shelter me from my father. He's dead now... I don't want anyone else to protect me and I don't want to talk about it anymore, it's a mistake. I'm tired of watching people get hurt because of me! You _are_ right about me... I'm different, but it doesn't matter when I can't save the ones I love. I let myself be taken last time because I thought it would finally be over, but it wasn't. It's best if I do things alone. I have it handled now. I might actually be _free_ now that he got what he wanted."

For a solid minute he could only stare and breathe. He could not quite absorb all of that, honestly. It almost felt like one blow too many. Information overload, or emotional overload. An open, forthcoming - sort of- Clair was like being in the center of a twister, which he had some experience with. He was not sure he would ever be able to breathe enough to make his chest feel right again.

A twig snapped to the right of them, farther in the trees, and both jumped, heads whipping in the direction. Now Lex's heart needed just as much time to calm as his lungs. He reached out and grabbed her hand, tugging her away and to his car. She let him put her in the passenger seat and let him drive away with her. They drove in silence and he had no idea where he intended to go, for now he would just drive until he decided.

He was speeding, per usual. Granted, he did not speed nearly as much as he once had before a particular bridge incident, but he still did it. Now he invested in cars with superior brakes and maneuverability with fast response.

"Come back to the mansion with me?" He asked suddenly.

"I don't think that's-"

"Please, Clair? I'm not ready to let you walk away from me. Come back with me?"

There was a long pause, "All right." The way she said it seemed as if it went against all her better judgement, but it was the answer he wanted so it did not matter.

When he turned in the direction of his home though, she gripped his hand, "No, wait, I need to go home. It's late. My parents will be worried if they notice me gone."

"I'm not letting you pull that card. I know you! You do run from things you don't want to face, but I'm not letting you this time."

"Lex, please, they don't need any more stress than I've already put them under." Her grip on his hand tightened in askance, conveying somehow more than her words.

"Fine," he relented irritably, "but this is not over, Clair."

She did not answer, instead she leaned over in the seat and laid her head on his leg. It was a highly unusual show of trusting affection, maybe even comfort. That was how she remained, curled nearly into a ball, placidly resting against him. Somehow he understood her loud and clear. She was frightened and she was tired, but she was relenting because she needed him as much as he needed her. The weight of the world was on her shoulders and she was tired. Clair was giving up and she needed a reason not to, a lifeline, something solid. She came to him because she needed him, she did trust him, like it or not. He had been a constant in her life, strange though he was. His lifeline needed a lifeline in return.

* * *

**Five Hours Earlier**...

Clair took a deep breath, studying her face in the mirror. In the past she never felt sick unless a green meteorite was near, but she felt tied in knots. Eating dinner had been nearly impossible with the way her throat kept wanting to close. It gave new meaning to 'butterflies' as a reaction to nerves. Maybe it was just because she was human now but she had felt almost this bad when she had been in the middle of telling Pete and he had been taking it badly.

She let her eyes close as she leaned on the sink to give her shaking knees some help. Her plan for the night was not fully solid but she had a rough idea. It was so hard to plan for Lex, he had a way of doing everything she never expected. There was little choice though. If things were ever going to get better it would have to be because of her. He was getting too close and it was getting dangerous for everyone. She was the only one that could make it stop, take responsibility for the disasters she began, and without powers that left only one option.

Both her parents would be asleep by the time she made her exit. It would do well for her continued existence if she returned before they noticed as well. Telling them she went to see Lex and feel out his romantic interest in her was not something she cared to put into words for them. Nor would telling them she might tell him just enough about herself to keep him happy. It was not like she planned to seduce him! It was just testing that line a little more because she did not know what else to do.

Admittedly, her experience was rather limited so far as men were concerned. Though she had kept a flame alive for Pete for years, she also knew he favored Chloe in the romantic sense. Whitney had been rather appealing to her once, but of course he was with Lana. Then he had also gone along with the cheerleader Tina Greer in her little secret and crazed vendetta against anyone that might be closer to Lana than she was, pitching equal rights as the reason they strung her up in the field, which even more effectively killed that crush. They never exactly were fully friendly again after that; hard to hold up illusions of someone being a nice person after they help in a painful evening. At least he had not let them strip her the way they would have the guys.

Jordan Cross had been a slight romantic interest after he lost his futuristic sight but that never went very far at all. She had gone the farthest with Kyle after saving him in the caves... and with... Alic after he was released from the institution; probably because she thought it was destiny and it was nice to have one person that was excited to have her be herself rather than fearful or worried or seeking gain. Trust her to fall for people before she helped get them killed. That hurt too much to really think about. It felt more raw than what happened with anyone else.

Her main experience with males happened to be admiring from afar or desperately hiding her feelings for any she had a crush on. No one really picked her. She wasn't the princess, feminine sort that all men craved; she was strong and very much looked like a farm girl. She had never been Lana or Chloe. Guys did't like girls with muscles and better abs than they had, she had come to terms with that even before high school, and before she knew what she really was. So she admired, maybe wished and pined, but she only really looked.

But Lex had never even registered on her radar. He was her best friend, her brother from a different species. Sure, they played around, teased, and maybe toed the line of flirting in jest, but it was all in fun. At least she thought it had been until Lex was Alexander... offering to rule the world with her, then promptly kissing her right after he pulled out the Kryptonite.

Not that she had not figured out he made advances on Lana, because the girl did not have to spell it out, they had always been able to see through each other uncannily; which was why Lana always knew she was lying to her, but it went both ways. The boy billionaire might have thought he hid it, but she saw the way he looked at Lana when he thought no one saw, but almost everyone had a thing for Lana. Some part of her theorized it had something to do with all those years wearing that necklace, like it made her a beacon for trouble.

Still, Alexander offered to make Clair his equal and co-ruler. Maybe in his mind that offer was supposed to be romantic. It wasn't. If anything it made her think of what her father wanted from her, his disregard for humanity and wish to see her elevated. Ruling with Alexander was not romantic the way he tried to paint it. "Together, we can rule the world, a god and a goddess! I will give you the world as our prize and anything in it you desire!" However, it did alert her to the potential that he felt something for her she never realized. That had not been him but it... was? Terrifying but it taught her something. Moreover, even before that, he admitted their friendship was what kept him away from becoming... whatever he was.

Though, honestly, what got her thinking the most was a mixture of that and the fact that he honestly answered her questions. When she asked about Lex, he told her with little hesitation; maybe she read too much into that, but it was as if even at his worst, a tiny portion of him felt something for her, whatever that was. He had tried to kill her earlier but she somehow doubted feelings and murder were mutually exclusive or inclusive in his mind.

Either way, she could stop him from becoming that person if what he said was any indication. Watching all that had significantly dialed up her lack of trust in him but at the same time... it made her wonder if she should make a better effort.

She had tested a theory, just pushing their self imposed line of distance when they looked at the wreckage of the lab once it was over.

He said; "Did the accident create an evil Lex, or is that what's really inside of me?" and she decided it was as good a time as any to dive into the rather shallow end of the pool.

She was careful, slipping in at his side, not frontal contact because that might have been a little more dangerous; but she slid both arms around his waist, pinning his arm and propping her chin on his shoulder, "I know which one is real, that's all that matters."

Lex offered her that cute, quirky, lopsided smile of his. He twisted his arm a bit -it was right then that she realized this position had significantly equal danger since his hand, should he had wished, could have gone... places- and draped it gently around her in a half hug. It made her snuggle contentedly further into him, because this was the real Lex. The gentle, kind man, who had a dark side the way everyone else did, but he was the man that had not given into it.

Had she grown up as he did... she was not sure what she would have become. Would she be like that if Jor-El raised her? Or, well, she knew what Kara-El was like, and even her supposed cousin Kal-El, so she guessed she had that answer. He was stronger than he knew. The thought prompted her to say as much; "The Lex I know could run circles around that double, because he's better! He's the greatest man alive. My Lex might not be perfect, but that's not why I look up to him." She pulled away and headed for the door, embarrassed by herself.

She was nearly to the door when he finally asked, "Then why do you?" and she ignored the break in his voice.

Clair tossed him a wide grin over her shoulder, "You're the boy genius, you figure it out!"

It had been harmless but it actually had perked him up. She never noticed how much power she had to make him perk up. It was like a totally different power that she was not sure what to do with. She always liked to make him smile, tried hard to joke with him to gain the little upturn in his mouth, but knowing... he might have an added reason? It was hard to say if she was ready for that little OneEighty, it was a little terrifying and maybe more power than she could handle. Who was she kidding, she did _**not**_ know ** _how_** to handle that power at all! At least not with him. That was a different world. Pete was supposed to be... the love of her life. She always hoped if she gave him space and time he would come back.

Lex had asked her what the double did to her and she gave him an intensely edited version but she never told him about the kiss. She left out the 'be his queen' part as well. She told him he had wanted her to work with him to find the stones since she knew almost as much as anyone. The way his eyes narrowed told her he knew perfectly well she heavily deleted details but there was no way for him to dispute it.

Maybe she loved him, could love, but could she trust him? Trust a man that might secretly want to rule the world? Not only rule it, but concur it using her? Those thoughts were in there somewhere. If she made a mistake... if she slipped up just once, she might make him slip over temptations narrow edge instead of holding him back. That was not something she could live with. Loving a Luthor would be astronomically dangerous. How was she supposed to keep him away from temptation when she _was_ temptation? She could leave but that might cut that tie to his humanity. What exactly was she supposed to do? Maybe just what she had been, at least for a while. There had to be a balance that would keep him from tipping too far any direction. She had to find that center and keep it, he just might be depending on her.

That was what she thought, but later she knew she made a mistake, per usual. She waited too long. "If you're my friend, just tell me the truth." That might have been her only chance but it had not felt right, or maybe she lost it a while ago. But she cheated destiny by becoming normal, she changed fate just like Jordan thought. Without her powers there was no Naman and there was no great destiny. It would cancel Sageeth's as well so she decided it might be best to stay away for a while. Maybe Naman _**made**_ Sageeth. So she switched tactics and used avoidance after the second shower.

Pete came back after the meteor shower, mostly to see Chloe, she knew. They had all gotten together, and for once she could share everything with both of them. Part of her hoped that with her newfound normal... maybe he would come back. Pete stayed to help rebuild and she had not been so happy in quite some time. Smiles were impossible to hold off. But Lex did not seem at all pleased to see her walking at his side. There had been a decided rift between she and Lex then, something that started with the shower and the element stones. Pete had always been the only one she truly loved, but what was she to do with Lex? How was she supposed to decide?

Not that Pete stayed anyway. "What makes you think it's over? Just because you don't have powers anymore doesn't mean it's over, Clair! You think you can just be normal now, but you can't! Even if Jor-El lets it go, other people won't. You're not from around here, Clair, and I'm betting they can still tell. Things will catch up to you and when they do I don't want to be just one more person they can use against you, not like before." He had seemed so angry with her, maybe because, as he said, "Without your invulnerability, I just worry even more! Not less!" He and Chloe were far from convinced things could be as normal as she wanted. When he left he was still angry.

Chloe told her about the confrontation between she and Lex at the cave. He was asking questions about what really happened the day the Kryptonians came. Then there was the setup with the mutants and the explosive little fist fight she initiated with her old friend. He was watching the surveillance tapes, watching the reason he nearly got her family and Lana killed. Part of her suspected it was his way of getting revenge on her for turning away, for running back to Pete's side the second he let her. She lost it and all she could do was what she always did with a threat, fight. He hardly defended himself at first but she was too angry to notice until he finally did punch back. He looked so shocked when he watched the blood trickle from her lip. She thought that might actually make him stop.

It should call off destiny if she was not Naman anymore, right? With no Naman there would be no Sageeth, in theory. But how could she be sure? Life was so stupidly confusing!

Did he love her? If he did love her was it because he suspected even a little bit of her power? She was sure he knew something she just did not know how much he knew. His evil twin knew quite a bit and if even a portion of that had come back to him it might already be moving toward too late. Maybe she had gone at the problem wrong; instead of trying to keep things the same it might have been better to try to make him love her. If he loved her enough he might not try anything crazy. Love was powerful, right? Love could change people. Maybe it was time she tried thinking out of the box... or even... like a Luthor. Alexander had not been completely wrong, it did take a particular skill at subterfuge to hide a secret like their family did.

He had been a different man for Helen before she left. Maybe she could recapture that. So, she was going to go see Lex and find out what she had in her to keep Alexander from coming back. She was human now so there better not be a Sageeth.

Licking at her lower lip, she continued to gaze at her reflection. She could tap into that Luthor mindset and work with it. Granted, she was no master, but she could do it.

Briefly she considered touching up or darkening her make-up but he would spot inconsistency a mile away. If she change anything from the normal it would be like screaming for him to be suspicious. She would dress exactly as normal and behave as she always would. The idea would fall flat if he suspected her. Her head dropped and she shook herself. Best not to be too Luthor-like or she might be her own enemy.

It was not like she was trying to use him, she was trying to save him as well as her new normal life. Everyone would win if things could just... work out. Maybe this would be good for both of them. If she had his secrets and he had hers it was like a mutual stalemate, everyone would win. For once it would be nice to confide in someone, at least so long as she was careful. If he handled a little information well she might trust him with more later. No way to tell until she tested it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Smallville Twist  
> Pairing/Characters: Lex Luthor/Clair Kent  
> Spoilers: First five seasons, shifting to total AU after Reckoning
> 
> No beta, mistakes are all my own. Enjoy anyway!

Roadside-Rise Against

* * *

The music rolled around the room, free and uninhibited, floating higher and higher until it could drift to the very sky. Music was one of the only things he shared with both his parents. It was something he loved as a child for its beauty and sheer freedom. Though he did not have the courage to compose it was still an exquisite expression of inward being the way words often failed to be. It had been difficult to bring himself to sit before the keys of a piano for a while after one particular witch had taken the pleasure away but he never was one to allow something he loved to be taken from him. The first time he had gotten through the first key strokes thinking of the way Clair held him when she discovered him, arms protectively surrounding him as she instinctively rocked him back and forth very slightly, obviously trying to will away what happened to him. With that thought he had been able to play to be lost in the music.

When he ended the sonnet, he stood from the bench to get himself a drink, only to find he was not alone. Clair had a shoulder leaned up against the door frame, a sweet, happy look in her eyes. With a wide enough smile like she offered now the appealing hint of a point, almost dangerous and slightly vampiric, in her canines revealed itself. Da Vinci himself would not have been able to do justice to the light of her smile. Michelangelo and Raphael would also have failed but he had a feeling they would have tried.

Even a picture could not do justice to the essence of Clair Kent because she was outwardly beautiful but it was the inside shining outward that made her truly the most stunning creature in the world; paint nor pixels could capture that essential aspect.

"Clair! What a nice surprise!" And he meant it sincerely the way he likely wouldn't have a day or two before.

"You really are a marvel, Lex." There was a spring in her step as she walked in, the light from the painted glass window toying with the color in her dark curls, "So full of talent. Too bad you know it already and stay so smug." She was grinning playfully.

"I could hardly be expected to deny my gifts. Denying complements is rude anyway, you know."

"Whatever you say, Lex."

"So... have you come to continue our previous conversation?" He prompted, trying not to show how eager he was.

A stiffness suddenly took her body in possession and the smile faded, "No, I just came to see you." She turned her back sharply to him.

Lex rushed forward, grabbing her shoulders, afraid she would leave, "Clair, please." He slid his hand down her arms and around her middle to hold her lightly. He settled his cheek against the side of her head, a more intimate posture than he had ever allowed himself with this girl.

"I came to see you, escape for a while, not come to confession. You might have a lot of stained glass but that's as close to a church as this place will ever get... and you are definitely not a priest."

"We could pretend." He offered.

"It might be tempting if you took a permanent vow of silence." She quipped.

"That aside, I told you I had no intention of giving up."

Clair glared at him from the corner of her eye, "Does that mean we can't play pool anymore?"

He hmmed before answering, "I win and I get a question per ball I sink. You win, you get silence per ball."

"Lexsssssss!"

"There is strength in numbers. You don't have to hide from me. And I promise, cross my heart, nothing has to change between us regardless of what you tell me."

Her head turned further away from him, "You can't promise me any such thing."

"I want to share it, whatever it is! You can't do everything alone! I want to help you! Let me?" Lex knew his quite voice was pleading, un-Luthor like, but he did not overly care.

"You do not know what you're really asking, Lex." Clair insisted, shaking her head as if to deny everything.

"Then help me understand!"

He let her pull away and turn to face him. She stared at him, eyes wide and focused with contemplation like she had never seen the man in front of her before. He was used to that look, he got it often when she was trying to puzzle him out, when he surprised her. It seemed they were always a puzzle to the other, perhaps even a Pandora's box both wanted to open but were afraid to. Each knew there was a whole world under the surface but it was hard to tell what kind without actually opening the box. They were both desperate to understand but terrified to have the answers all the same. He could tell when she finally made a decision.

"All right." The expression she pasted on was playful but he knew it was fake levity, "I will give you a picture of what you might be getting into by entering my world. You corporate lot like to know the background before you make a deal, right? So I'm going to give you that, give you a history of the people in my past that have known even a portion of my secrets."

Lex waited, clasping his hands and controlling his facial expression to seem less eager than he really was. Even if she did not tell him what he needed to know, a list of names would go a long way toward finding out more. She waved a hand at the couch, wordlessly ordering him to sit. He allowed himself a small sigh before he dropped dramatically down and leaned his elbows on his knees to indicate he was ready.

She looked like she was readying herself for a speech the way she set her shoulders and planted her feet. "There is only one person, my whole life, that I told my secrets to. Pete Ross, my life long best friend, the boy I grew up with, and I only told him in our second year of high school. It was the reason he left; he said it was too much of a burden, made it so he was always looking over his shoulder. He regretted ever knowing, and resented that I dragged him into my secret."

Pete Ross? Not only was he her childhood friend, making him a logical choice of secret holders, but the part she left out was how he was also the boy she had been in love with since age five - at least if he remembered correctly. He left because of her secret? While Lex had stopped a beating from the corrupted agent, he never assumed the boy left because of it, but it seemed he was wrong. From what he knew, Pete left and nearly cut all ties with Clair. He would resurface now and then but never let Clair come near, artfully avoiding contact like a politician. More than once Lex tried to convince Clair to fight for what she wanted, make the attempt to get him back, but she always refused to push. At one point she used the age old: 'if you love them, let them go' quote. There had been only one time the Ross boy let Clair near him again and that was after the second shower. He did not stay long and he again cut ties with Clair. If he left the way Lex guessed he had the first time, and then walked away a second time because he knew the truth, that truly must have hurt more than she would ever admit. Might have been why she was so wary of telling anyone else.

More than that, she only told him in high school? She specifically said her 'whole' life, indicating strongly that she had secrets to keep all her life. All those years together and she only worked up the courage in second year? Maybe he should not be nearly as insulted by her lack of candor with him. Moreover, she said she only told one person? Her whole life and she never confided in more than that? The level of paranoia in the Kent family might have contributed largely to that but the level of control she must have had over her tongue even as a child was a bit astounding. That degree of silence indicated a high level of motivation to keep a secret.

Clair arched a brow at his silence, "But really, what you might find more enlightening is a list starting with the people that found out and tried to use or kill me, but I'll stick to only the interesting ones."

"That sounds very ominous." He crossed his legs to seem more casual but she was starting to make him very nervous with an introduction like that.

She held up one finger, "Sam Phelan; which you probably know that story so I doubt I need to give you very much on that. He was the very first in the lineup." The second finger came up, "Roger Nixon, which, again, you know most of that story." The third finger, "I guess you could count that linguist, but he never tried to use me, he only tried to kill me, yelling about how he was doing a public service or whatever," and she chuckled before holding up another finger, "Morgan Edge was a memorable one since he not only tried to hire me but tried to kill me and nearly everyone else I love while he was at it."

"Hold on!" He held up a hand, needing a minute to process that little nugget, "When did you meet him?"

"When I was in Metropolis. He wanted me to steal from your dad. When things didn't go the way he wanted, he held my mom, dad, and even Lana hostage." The fifth finger came up, "Van McNulty added me to his list after I saved you and shot me while I was out with my dad feeding the cows."

Lex found himself on his feet before he knew he was going to move, "He _shot_ you?"

Clair nodded, acting very casual, "Yeah, my parents dug the bullet out and patched me up. I would have been dead if he had shot more than once. Lucky he didn't, I guess." The look in her eyes had turned distant, as if she was miles away even though she continued to smile a very tight smile.

"You never went to a hospital, I would have known." He offered the information without thinking but she did not exactly look shocked.

"I'm not big on hospitals. Particularly not since the last time."

"The last time?" He really needed more information, he wanted every single detail but he knew better than to be that direct at this stage.

"Yeah... but that's not really part of the list, even excluding Tina, Ian and a few less interesting ones that tried to kill me." Clair turned on her heel, beginning her pacing anew. "The other half of the list are people that found out and never tried to do me harm, but they paid the price anyway."

He took in a breath, almost afraid to hear this considering her eyes had turned suddenly glassy. With effort, he forced himself to sit back down, duly noting the way she shuffled back a few steps since he had risen. Clearly she needed distance from him for this talk.

"You remember Ryan? He found out. You were right, he could read minds, but only surface thoughts. I never told you because I was trying to protect him as much as I could. Not that I was particularly successful there, of course. But I'm sure you remember." The words made him drop back into the cushions.

Oh, did he ever remember! Ryan James. He had gotten rather attached to that little boy, even in the short time he knew him, but Clair... that had been an entirely different level. After Ryan's death, she had grieved, of course, but everyone thought she dealt remarkably well with the loss, that is until the funeral. The funeral had been his doing, upon his refusal to let anyone else have control. It was the only thing he could really do. As Jonathan Kent once said, he threw money at problems, or in that case, gave it as the singular thing he actually had to offer that could make it better.

They had not contacted the Aunt but she showed up the day of the funeral all the same. No one noticed her until the end, with her clinging to the back as she was, but Clair saw her. He had never in all his days seen Clair so utterly undone, as unhinged as she had been the moment she recognized that face. The look of absolute rage mixed with grief must have been what had Jonathan and Martha racing after their daughter, shouting her name as the girl elbowed her way through the crowd like a soldier on a mission.

Mild mannered, gentle, kind Clair Kent had begun shrieking like a banshee long before she was particularly close to Ryan's Aunt; " _You bitch! How **dare** you come here! Damn you! How dare you show your face here after what you **did** to him!_ "

Jonathan nearly wrapped himself around one of Clair's arms while Martha clutched desperately at the girl's other hand. Pete dropped his plate of cake and was almost instantly plastered and braced against Clair's front, acting as a stopping force, feet planted like he intended to be a roadblock, all except for the fact that Clair kept moving forward as if none of them were there. Pete was skidding and so was Mr. Kent. The funny thing was, the first thing he really registered was that he had never heard Clair swear before, and certainly not so loudly.

" _You murdering bitch! You **killed** him just the same as if you'd been the one experimenting on him! Do you know what they were doing to him? **I do**! Because I got him **out** of that **hellhole**! You filthy, heartless, **monster**! **He's dead because of you**!_ "

Lex himself had scrambled through the sea of people at that point, shaking off his shock and grabbing her arm alongside Martha, clinging to her with all his strength, because in that moment he was not just dead sure Clair wouldn't kill that woman. This girl was a far cry from anything he had seen before. In his panic; because much to his dismay, Clair was nearly in front of the woman even with three men, her mother, and suddenly Chloe and Lana joining forces; he had gotten right in her ear and said the most cutting words that he knew would make her stop. "Clair, this is _wrong_! You're _disgracing_ Ryan's memory! He'd be crushed if he saw this because you _know_ he wouldn't want this! You were his _hero_ , he looked up to you to do the _right thing_."

As predicted, Clair stopped dead, actually going limp for just a moment and forcing them all to swiftly shift efforts from holding her back to holding her up. She regained herself very quickly, wriggling free of the many holds on her, stumbling backward and looking for all the world like she had been stabbed in the chest. He watched, captivated, as her shields fell back into place with an almost audible bang. Her eyes turned from wild and open to stoic and shuttered, her face smoothed into the flawless picture of calm. "I need some air" was all she said before she slunk into the crowd and marched with surprising dignity out the door. They all tried to follow after her, but as was her habit, she had vanished.

Hours later when he returned home he found her in his den, curled up on his couch with her knees to her chest as she stared out his stain-glass windows. There was a partial glass of brandy on the end table but he made no comment on it. A glance at his decanters showed she had not taken much, if any more than one glass. He would not begrudge her a bit of underage drinking to dull the pain. He had waited for her to speak, mulling around in pretense of being busy, but she never spoke nor even moved. She looked blank, like she could have turned to stone at some point while sitting there and looking at her nearly made him cry. After he could no longer handle looking at her, he had broken his unspoken rule of distance and sat beside her on the couch. She did not resist when he pulled her into his arms, pliantly resting her head partly on his arm and partly on his shoulder. They never had spoken, but after a while she had relaxed in his hold, seeming to thaw back into a human. When she left, she smiled like she was trying to make him believe everything was right in the world, and then she was gone again.

He realized uneasily that he had never seen her as real as she had been at that funeral and he wondered just what could have happened to make her so skilled at hiding that sort of raw emotion. It really had seemed she took Ryan's death in stride but she clearly had not. It frightened him to think that she might have done that all her life, hidden all her pain behind those impeccable shields, and that beautiful girl might be the most broken creature he had ever met. She saved everyone, but in the end, who saved her? Where did an angel turn when she needed saving?

He, himself had taken out a bit of that pent up grief for a little boy and a broken angel all his money could not fix, plus a bit of very old rage at the way people both loved and hated him for money, and had taken a nine-iron to the car of the man giving him a ticket. Clair had teased goodnaturedly about it and everything seemed back to normal. There was hardly room for him to begrudge Clair a murderous thought or two in light of that. So, as he did with most things, he tried to put all of it out of mind.

"I remember." God, she did not blame herself for that, did she? He wanted to ask but she had never spoken that boys name until now and he was not sure she could endure saying more with the things she already said.

"Then there was Cyrus Krupp. You know how that story ends as well." Her voice could have been laced in ice but he could see the building moisture in her eyes.

She _did_ blame herself! She really did, he could see it written all over her face. How could she believe-

Clair clapped her hands in front of her, "So concludes the list of those that have found out."

His eyes widened in horror and he could only stare at her. That was the entire part of the list? Two people found out about her and did not try to harm her? Could that really be true? He covered his mouth absently with one hand, trying to contain the show of emotion that brought out of him. He understood the message she was sending very clearly and it was indeed a dark picture. She had all the reason in the world not to be very trusting, and considering he just knew she blamed herself for what happened to the last two, it made a lot more sense.

"That's really all? What about people you've told? It can't only be Pete." He asked rather quietly, because he simply had to know, he had to know. People had found out, but he had to know who she _told_! Who had Clair Kent trusted? Pete, yes, but surely Chloe. Lana? But then Lana was perennially angry about Clair shutting her out, so maybe not. So who did she trust? Not Lex Lurthor, obviously, but who did hold her trust?

Her green eyes finally turned to his face and she offered him the saddest smile he had ever seen. "Ah, ever the keen businessman, Lex. You're right, it should be an all inclusive list if I'm offering."

His eyes took in the momentary quiver in her full, round lower lip. The mask that slid into place was one he had only seen a few times, it was bitter, sarcastic, and sour. Suddenly he wished he had never asked but at the same time he just had to know! There was obsession in his nature, he knew that, but he needed to know. This was the most information she had ever offered him and he had to take it while it was flowing. Later, once he had the time, he would go back over every name and detail to study.

"You're wrong in thinking I've told others. But correct about my leaving an important name off the second list of people that found out, ones that got hurt because of me." She turned her face away again and stared into space. "Your name is on that list too, you just don't remember... you don't remember because I couldn't save you. I failed you quite completely and then I couldn't even get revenge for you. As close as we came to revenge was Edge's death."

Lex found that he stopped breathing, his brain frozen and repeating those words in his head to be sure he heard her correctly. Save him? Revenge? Edge's death, he noticed, was a decided 'we'. He had forgotten something he knew about her? Seven weeks worth of things, by chance? There was only one thing that was coming to mind that she could be talking about but the thought made him instantly feel ill. "What do you mean?" It was strange how she had reduced him to the most basic questions, negating his usual intelligence and ease with real questioning. Maybe she was right, maybe he did not want to know.

"If it's any comfort to you, I'll never, ever forgive myself for failing you either. A lot of people, you included, have said I'm a modern day heroin but that's only because they don't realize how many times I fail. I _despise_ being called heroic because it's _**not**_ true! Real hero's wouldn't let the people they love be hurt as often as I have." Clair toed at the rug fringe and her shoulders heaved with the quick breaths she was taking, "While she was in the hospital after the horse trampled her, Lana told me that I was right. She said she thought I was _paranoid_ to lock her out and pull away from our years of friendship, paranoid to think that being my friend was dangerous, but she said I was right. Being close to me _was_ dangerous."

He did not want to know anymore of this; did not want to understand why he could see her shattering right before his eyes even if he could not see her face. He did not want to know why any of these things had happened or what the details were. Clair was the strongest person he had ever known but she was cracking, the armor he knew she wore each day always seemed so strong but now he saw glaring holes. He knew how close she was with Lana, there being a strange, nearly twin bond between them regardless of them sharing no blood. It must have cut Clair to ribbons for Lana to say that.

"I'm not a hero, Lex." The words were breathy and nearly slurred together, "Hero's would do so much better; they wouldn't be terrified every single day and they wouldn't let fear rule them like I do. Half the mistakes I've made, the times people have been hurt because of me, was because I hesitated... to afraid of someone finding out about me. It only takes a few seconds of hesitation, you know, for someone to die. Just a moment of fear getting the better of you, and things go so very wrong."

She was nearly gasping, maybe near hyperventilation. Lex eased out of the leather chair, being careful not to let it make noise as he got to his feet. If interrupted, she might stop talking, and while he no longer wanted to hear, he had to know. In this moment she was willing to talk, like the walls holding back the water had opened and it was spilling out of her, but they could close again if he spooked her.

"I'm a coward, you know. I've lived my whole life terrified, just waiting for the hammer to drop; waiting to end up in Summerholt, or in another level 3 project, walled off a few hundred feet underground where no one would find me. Waiting for someone like your father... or Dr. Garner to decide they needed to take me apart and see how I work." She laughed and it sounded more like a sob, "Maybe that's why I was so determined to keep you away from that place. I saw what they did to you when I followed you there and I couldn't understand how you could willingly let them. I was afraid Garner would hurt you and what might happen. Your father..."

His chest involuntarily tightened at the unwelcome memory of seeing her in that water, partly naked, helpless and more vulnerable than he ever thought she could be. He had been so afraid she was dead at first, and when he broke the glass, he called her name, frightened she might never answer. When he pulled her out, he remembered distinctly how careful he was, trying not to hurt her any more than she already had been. Her whole body had been shaking from shock and probably the chill of damp skin. The haunted look in her eyes frightened him more than the wobbling in her knees.

Lex wrapped her in his coat to keep her warm and covered as possible. Clair had made a horrible, indistinguishable sound, curling into him with her face buried as deeply into his neck as she could get, clinging to him like he could keep her grounded in the present world. All he could do was hold her. He remembered how her wet hair hooked itself on his lip but he refused to let go of her long enough to clear it away. The coat was damp to the touch only minutes after he put it around her. The front of his suit was uncomfortably verging on waterlogged soon after but he honestly had not cared.

When people finally began to arrive, he was quick to maneuver her out the door as swiftly as humanly possible. She followed without any hint of resistance, fully pliant and so very trusting of him. They passed his father but none of them made effort to speak save a few knowing and heated glances shared. As he rushed her out of the building and deposited her safely into his car, he felt the sickening and real understanding that Clair nearly died. Had he not gone to check the area, judging by how long it took personnel to get there, she would have drowned. Even if she lived he could not say he trusted any of those people to really let her walk free, even with Garner out of the way.

She never cried though, not even one tear. It seemed, as he drove her home, eyeing her as she tried to sink deeply into his coat, that she shut of nearly all her emotional responses. It made him wonder what she had seen. How horrible was it that she would need to retreat so fully from it? The drive reminded him of what he found after Ryan's death, because she never said a word until they were back in Smallville. What happened to that little girl to make her construct such impenetrable defenses?

"-but that's no surprise, though I know it's pathetic." Lex knew he missed a large chunk of what she said but he never got the chance to ask for a repeat when she continued, "The only time I can remember ever not being scared all the time was when I was in Metropolis, high enough on my drug of choice to feel like nothing mattered... but even then I was afraid of my biological father. He wouldn't leave me alone. I could always tell he's lingering, just waiting to spring."

"Who is your father?" He was going to need so very many days alone later to even begin to unpack all this information, for now he needed to keep her talking.

She jolted as if he slapped her, but then she smiled like it should make him forget he saw it, "He has several names. The one he uses around here is Joe."

"Surname? I can track him, tell you where he is and when he moves. All I need is a little information and he'll never be able to make a move you don't know about."

Clair looked amused though it seemed morbidly hinged, "He's not that easy. Even if you could track him, it wouldn't keep him away." She nodded easily to her own words, "My parents are always looking over their shoulder to see if anyone is lurking around the corner to destroy everything they try to protect, waiting for someone to take me away, waiting for my father to do something. The last few years there has always been _someone_ hunting us. Nixon, Edge, my 'real' father, your father... That's actually the real reason my dad hates the Luthor's, you know, because Lionel is always just on the edge of being too close."

He considered telling her that his father probably would never be able to hurt her now, in the state he was in, but he decided against mentioning something no one knew about. He could not promise her that Lionel would never recover to haunt her. People involved with those markings had come back from catatonia before.

Clair sounded so sad, stricken even, "They always tell me I was their gift, which I know they believe, but I've always known deep down that I was really their _curse_."

"Clair, you are no one's curse. You saved my life the day we met, remember? You even saved my father once."

"It doesn't exactly atone for what I've done."

"You have nothing to atone for, Clair. Even if you did, by now you must have struck even." He spoke with conviction, ignoring the little voice in his head that reminded him how many times she lied to him, but as well meant as his words were, they seemed to repel her.

"I should go. I have a lot to do. The house won't rebuild itself." Hearing the words, he knew she was shut down.

"Wait," he moved slowly to avoid spooking her, "how about that game? No bets, no questions, just a game? We can unwind." He did not want her to walk away angry with him.

"All right," she agreed. "But you automatically forfeit the game if you try slipping a question in."

"Oh, absolutely."

They played pool for around twenty minutes before she was fully calmed down. He watched her like a hawk, seeking out all her tells and making as many jokes as he could. She seemed infinitely better and for that he was exceedingly thankful. It was not the most pleasant thing in the world to see her in the state of upset that she had been in. He wanted to protect her but he wanted her happy too. He wanted and needed her secrets but he was starting to get the impression that they would have to be drawn out slowly if she was going to be emotionally sound by the end.

When she again stated that she had to go it was accompanied by a joke about their game. Though if she thought he had not noticed that she threw the last shot, she was crazy. It was something he had noticed about her some time ago. She never excelled at anything even when he knew she could. There were things she was good at but she was always just a few notches short of excellent, always enough to make her fit into the average of anything, someone with potential but not someone everyone would notice.

Her clothing was always at least a size too large, the shirts at least. At first he thought it was because they were what she could afford, second hand items, but he noticed that even her new clothing items were always intentionally baggy like she was desperately trying to hid herself in them. Having seen her nearly naked her knew her figure was nothing to hide, yet she very clearly did hide it. Clair did everything to blend in and attract as little attention as possible. The only time he ever saw her in well fitting clothing was when he was sure she was on something. When she was high, she dressed like most girls that one would find at a club and she did not seem afraid to stand out.

She truly was afraid every day. He never realized just how extensive her hiding was, but once she admitted it, he could see it. Clair wore a costume every single day and hid behind a hundred masks just so no one would catch on. It would never be right for someone like her to have to hide like that. She deserved so much better.

He got her into one of his cars before he attempted touching their issues again, "I'm still not comfortable leaving things like this. If your father is as dangerous as it sounds, you have to at least let me check into him. I promise you that he will never know I'm looking."

"Lex, don't worry. It doesn't matter. The past still hurts but it's fine now." She smiled a real, happy, relieved smile, "He's out of my life, I'm finally free. I did what he wanted so now he doesn't care."

"Clair..." he hesitated but continued, "if I've learned anything from being a Luthor it has been... when someone has their hooks in you, they don't let go."

She looked disturbed, the smile fading, "So far, you're not the only one that thinks so. But he's my father, not some tramp off the street. I don't see why he should come back. I'm not useful anymore."

"I hope that's true. I hope he is out of your life, but you might want a plan in case he isn't."

"I'll think about it." And he could tell by her tone that he would get nothing more for the time being so he unwillingly let it drop.

As per request, he pulled to a stop at the dangling wooden sign for the farm rather than taking her to her door. "What will you tell them? Lex Luthor is prying into your life?"

"No, I won't tell them anything. They think they know all my secrets, all my flaws, but they don't. I'm not a total disclosure type."  
It was so morbid, but he was inexplicably pleased to hear that. It was wrong to be pleased that he was not the only one that she kept things from.

When she got out of the car to walk down her driveway, he waited until she was out of sight before pulling out his phone. "Jones, yeah, I'm going to need you to track down and get me any information you can on a list of names. I want to know everything including their favorite color and what they purchased at the coffee shop, got it?"

* * *

**Two Days Later**

When he heard Clair Kent had been shot he had not believed it but she was there, prone on a bed in the sterile hospital. Sitting beside her, body so still, skin pale under the tan, he could hardly get his lungs to function. She had been shot. He never really considered that the Unsinkable Clair Kent might leave his life and certainly not like this. It was unfathomable that it happened at all! How many times had she beat the odds and come away unharmed? They survived so much worse than one kid with a gun but this is what got her? It was not possible.

Against his better judgement, he reached out and took her limp hand in his, cringing when he noticed how cold it was, "You walk into so many impossible situations every day." His voice was quiet to avoid his suspicion it might crack if he spoke too loudly, "I have watched you work miracles more times than I can count... and I know you've probably orchestrated more than even I know about. So I'm going to ask you for another, OK? You need to pull one more out of that incredible enigma that makes you who you are and you need to stay."

He looked up at the window, though not at the outside, blinking rapidly to hold his emotions in check, and when he looked down she was staring at him.

Green eyes fluttered and his heart jumped. The moment hope swelled in him it crashed into thousands of pieces at his feet when the heart monitor slid from the steady beat to a continuous whine. Lex shot to his feet, clinging to her hand, ready to shake her back to him before he was unceremoniously shoved away and nearly thrown to the doorway. He watched in total silence, another piece of his world cracking with each unsuccessful shock. He knew even before they stripped off the gloves and announced the time of death. Breathing had stopped while he watched because he was afraid to take air away from Clair when she needed it; further, he knew the moment he took a breath it might be a sob.

Before he noticed he was moving he was down the hall, gasping as quietly as he could for what he hoped were calming breaths. Mentally he tried to convince himself that he had seen everything wrong, it was a joke he would be very angry about later on once she came out of that room. Nothing could really hurt an angel, angels lived forever. He ignored the fact that the wall was keeping him up while his chest exploded with pain. There might have been a chance he was having a heart attack and what he had seen was a pain induced illusion, because his chest really hurt.

Lex saw the Kent's from the corner of his eye, noticed the blooming fear on their faces as they watched him. It was possible he was not doing as well as he hoped to hide his distress. When the doctor rounded the corner he nearly reached out to jerk her back and keep her from them; he knew what she was going to tell them. His eyes stubbornly directed themselves away from the scene but he could still heart the horrible sound Martha made.

But suddenly something happened and they all moved as one to Clair's room only to find a blessed nothing. Clair was gone. He felt like some of the ground had just become more solid because so long as there was no body there was a chance their angel did pull forth a miracle. He wanted to believe that, so he did.

Once she did indeed return, proving she really was an angel, as unimaginable as she was perfect, he vowed no one would ever kill her again. Whatever it took, he would make the world safe for her. He would make sure no one ever could kill her again, never hurt her. No more war might be a long goal, but he could start small, work his way out until he could ensure Clair Kent would never be in danger again. His ability might have been fast healing rather than something more useful to shelter her, like shooting fire from his eyes, but he had a very active imagination. Perhaps his other ability was his intelligence which he could indeed use. She was too precious a gift to risk again for any reason. Like all angels, she was compelled to protect others, so he needed to make a world she did not need to protect.

That was when he decided to branch out into advanced weaponry. Rome had been a brutal ruling force but they did have peace far better than most managed. Fear was a great motivator to keep people in their place.

When he visited her in her loft, once she was confirmed to be back home, he was surprised by what he found. She was sitting on her couch, looking as if she was being crushed by some unseen force. All she did was stare ahead, even when he greeted her. He at least got a mumbled, "hey, Lex" when he tried a second time. He might have been insulted if he had not seen the less than happy look Chloe wore when she left. A perfectly living Clair should have been cause for a lot more joy than this.

For lack of a better idea, he sat down beside her and let silence hang around them. His hands dangled between his knees as he tried to follow her eyes and see what she was studying so intently.

"You were right," she mumbled suddenly, "he's never going to let me go. I'm trapped even more than ever. He had the nerve to tell me he loved me right before he promised cryptic threats of future punishment. I have this hunch that my father is insane; great scientific mind, maybe, but very much insane."

Lex had no idea what to say to that, none at all, so he kept staring at her desk and hoped she kept talking.

"He acted like it pained him to tell me this vague promise of future horrors, like it wasn't his fault at all, but mine... Like whatever he does is my fault because I should have followed his word as law. He acts like I should trust him blindly? At first I wanted to trust him because he was my father but it didn't take long before I realized he was the last person I could trust. And he says he loves me when all he has ever done is hurt me? Maybe that's why you and I hit it off so fast, Lex... maybe my subconscious remembered how similar our fathers were." Clair chuckled a little too long for it to be natural. "If I'd had the choice, I would have refused to be brought back with this particular price tag attached. It's not worth it."

He still had no idea what to say but he felt he should say something, "Well, I think he did do one good thing, and I'm glad, regardless, that he brought you back. I think it was worth any price."

She folded her fingers together so tightly that they turned white, "He's going to kill someone I love." She told him, anger fringed in her calm, "Maybe it will be you. Would you still think it was worth any price if it was you he takes from me? I don't know who he's going to take or when." The sound of her voice was nearing hysteric, "I mean, I have lots of guesses. He's never loved how my dad gets in his way, I mean, I'm the reason my dad has heart problems now. He might pick you since you know a lot more than I should have let you, and I'm sure he knows. He could take Chloe or Lana because, lets face it, I don't have a lot of friends... which is good in this case, narrows the number of people at risk. He might take my mom since my birth mother is dead, why not make it both?"

In all this time he had never seen her eyes as petrified as they were now. He could not handle that unhinged look. Without much cognitive thought, he nearly tackled her, skillfully rolling them both until her body was comfortably pinned between the back of the old couch and his body. Clearly she needed to feel safe, so he put her in as safe a position as he could offer; it might not actually be safe but he knew it would feel that way with something solid on as many sides of her as there could be. He wrapped her in his arms as much as he could, pulling her head under his chin, willing her to feel protected in the forced lying position he put them in. Their legs were a little tangled but it was not uncomfortable, though for his personal sanity he wished his knee had not ended up between her thighs.

With a mildly startled sigh, she relaxed with surprising ease into him as if she was glad he put an end to her speaking the way he had. Her breath was warm on his neck, fanning under his shirt and to his chest. The fact that she was breathing soothed him immensely because he had feared not long ago that she breathed her last.

"I don't care what happens. I'm glad you're alive." He told her simply and he meant it more than she would ever know.

Her fingers tentatively played with the soft skin of his neck around the pressed collar of his shirt. She was very careful but seemed curious to explore him in this new offer of closeness. It was difficult to suppress the shivers wanting to run up his spine as her fingers traced a line to his jaw. Her thumb rubber lightly at his chin before her fingers made their way to draw out the pattern of his ear before massaging the fleshy lobe between her fingers. He could not help smiling and closing his eyes at the way it relaxed him.

After a while she began to pet his face in a wholly affectionate manner, brushing his cheek with the backs of her knuckles like he was something precious to be memorized. Such gentle gestures of love were not anything he was used to and he felt so unworthy it bordered on too much, but he leaned into the touch regardless. It only seemed natural when his own fingers traced her face similarly, committing to memory what he thought he might never see again. The touch of her hair was something he had long wished to partake in and he took his chance to indulge, running his hand deep into the thickness and massaging her scalp. Her hair was so soft, maybe the softest thing he ever remembered touching and it might get addictive.

He never meant for things to progress as they had but he would not lie to himself and say he regretted that they had. The desire for such intimacy had often entered his mind but he never let it linger. She touched him like she loved him and he had not felt such a thing since his mother died; no one else touched him like they were writing a letter of love in every stroke. It was not too shocking when they leaned together for a kiss.

Their lips smacked with a wet little noise, making his eyelids flutter. It was innocent, closed mouths, lips only barely parting, but it was erotic in its innocence. Just this had his head swimming faster than any clash of tongues and teeth ever had. She pressed into him, back arching to bring her closer. The underwire in her bra creaked with the effort to adjust her ample cleavage and the pressure of his chest, he heard it and it just made him pull her closer still, desperate for her the way he was for air. A distant part of his mind insisted that he take it slow and not rush her; no tongues tangling, no heavy petting, nothing to move it too fast too soon. He could not risk ruining it when he finally had her. They would kiss and cuddle, and that was all he would allow himself. Anything more might destroy the sweetness of the moment, cloud it over with lust to make him forget the details, and he wanted to remember every single second.

He desired to drown in her and forget that she had ever looked so helpless on those white sheets. She was alive and real in his arms and that was more gift than he could have dreamed possible to attain. The fact the she let him be so close and touch her while returning her own gift of touch was nothing short of miraculous. It was difficult to hold himself back from grinding against her but he resisted his more base instincts in favor of something much better than an few moments of lustful gratification. The tenderness was more gratifying in the long run and satisfied a much deeper need. They needed the closeness, they both did. A tumble in the hayloft would not satisfy the void that the understood step of surrender filled because there was a difference between lust and love. Neither needed to say it to understand what was being wordlessly offered.

The innocent kisses and equally innocent touches continued until they somehow drifted together into sleep.

When he woke it was morning and he extricated himself out from under a sleeping girl, not at all interested in just how badly he did not want to face a shotgun if Jonathan Kent came out and spotted him. He would drive away quietly and never let anyone be the wiser. Lex was quick but careful as he hurried down the steps, focused totally on getting to his car and escaping, so when Martha was suddenly in his path, a bemused smile on her face, he actually jumped at least a foot.

"Hello, Lex! Lovely morning, isn't it?" There was a twinkle in her eyes that he could not even begin to interpret with his heart in his throat.

He made a few indistinguishable noises that were decidedly not words before mumbling, "Mrs. Kent..."

"Relax," she still looked amused, "I already know where you were. I went up to the loft looking for Clair."

Lex swallowed hard, "It wasn't what it looked like! Nothing happened!" He felt fifteen again, and not in a good way.

"I believe you." She assured quietly, "I looked you two over and all the buttons and buckles were still in place. I was fairly confident you would have at least taken your coat off if you had any designs on my daughter. I know she was very upset last night so I'm actually kind of glad she had someone there for her. She closes herself off when she's hurting, but I'm sure you know that."

He nodded for lack of knowing what to say but then he found a few words, "I'm just glad she... is OK."

Martha had that unnerving sort of look that only a mother could, like they knew everything, "I know you are. So am I. She's a special girl, even if she doesn't realize it. We can see it even if she can't." She reached out and squeezed his hand, "I'm glad she has you, Lex. She needs someone on her side in this crazy world, someone she can trust."

He got the impression Mrs. Kent knew something he did not, or at least knew her daughter had told him a few things they would never admit, so he simply nodded once again, never having felt this tongue-tied before in his life.

When he turned to leave, she smiled and whispered, "Don't worry, I won't let Jonathan get the shotgun."

Lex could not help smiling back, touched in a very strange sort of way by that. They were a strange bunch, all of them.

* * *

**Several Weeks Later**

Things had soured a little from their night falling asleep in the loft after she found out about his new dealings thanks to AC. Then a little more after Jack Jennings dropped out of the senator race to be replaced by her father. They both held back a lot of cutting words and she knew it. They were both trying, but there was tension hanging in the air that both could feel. She missed the closeness they had in the loft. She still needed that even if it was wrong to lean on him.

Lex seemed to feel a little betrayed that she took no stand at all in her desire to see her father or him placed in the seat of power. The truth was that she did not care much for either option but she could tell neither man that. She understood their reasons, both of them, but she did not care much for what it might mean. It had her progressively more tense and tightly wound with them both.

Truth be told, she felt betrayed too, by a lot of things.

And he was leaving her now to go once again to rally his would-be troupes. The day before he had brushed her off when the group Lois once refereed to as Hitler's youth gathered in his office to listen to his inspiration. Watching those teens from the doorway had given her a deep sense of foreboding she could not place. She could not say she cared for the way the blonde girl looked at him either, and she honestly got the feeling Lex himself was a little unnerved as well though he did not show it in more than the slightest of tells. The group of college students seemed to come around more often than any of them cared for but it was a campaign so no one would say so.

But he was leaving her again and he hardly bothered to look at her once.

"So, you're rushing off again... you can't even take the time for a game of pool anymore, can you?" Clair intended to sound bored but she was not sure what she really sounded like.

"I wish I could but I have considerably more on my plate than I used to. I'm sure things will slow down eventually." He declined from really commenting on the race but she knew that undertone and she hated it.

"Will you be coming to our Christmas party?"

She watch the tension coil in his shoulders but he sounded very indifferent, "I have a meeting that night in Metropolis."

"Right, you would not want to be seen with the enemy. I'm sure I'm boring company anyway comparatively." She hedged, not sure where she was going with it but the fact that all he did was scoff spiked her into irrational... hurt. "I don't know moves like those girls in that club, so I'm sure I'm of little interest." Clair knew her eyes were all but spitting actual fire.

Lex halted in his turn, spinning back to her on one heel, jaw jutted to one side in a blatant show of irritation, "Excuse me?"

She cocked a hip, tapping into the very well known Lois attitude she had become so familiar with over her interminable stay at the farm, "What? I was only stating a fact. You had the card right in your card slot, you whipped it right out. It doesn't take Chloe to figure out you are a... frequent flier, does it?"

Lex smiled but it was not one of his pleasant ones, it was nearly murderous intent being disguised as friendliness, "I seem to remember giving you that card because you ran in here telling me your 'uncle' was being framed, would I please help you! Now, please explain to me how assisting you somehow offends you."

"Your help doesn't offend me, Lex, I was grateful. It's just that I couldn't help noticing, even though you said how unethical the place was, you still had the card in easy access. Now, that just struck me as interesting." She tapped her index finger to her lips, still channeling Lois the best she could, "Oh, but I guess you must take your prospective business associates and voters there often. Softens them up... or maybe not softens, poor chose of words."

She sort of wanted to mention that it might at least be an improvement over hooking up with crazy girls from parties that might try to burn him alive but she held that thought in.

His brows arched high and he huffed a laugh, "Oh, I see what this is. You're jealous."

Clair's jaw dropped in shock, "Jealous! Of a pack of tramps that can't keep their legs together? Are you kidding?"

He reached out surprisingly quickly to grab her wrist and jerked her flush against him. The move had shocked her enough she had forgotten to react and pull away. Heat rushed uncomfortably fast into her cheeks and she hoped he did not notice; the triumphant, sly smirk told her he noticed. He leaned in, running his fingers into her hair before he very boldly ran his tongue up the curve of her ear to make her squeak in shock.

She gave him a shove, slightly harder than she intended, making him stumble back, but the smirk remained, "Not even slightly winning you points, Lex."

"Are you sure? I could show you some interesting moves I can do with my hips... see how many points I could get that way." His tongue lapped at his lower lip suggestively.

Clair made a noise of indignation, "Narcissistic much? Lex...Alfredo Luthor!"

Lex burst out with a sharp laugh and a blinding smile that almost made her forget to be upset with him, "What now? My middle name is what again?" He shook his head, still grinning, "But you started it."

Her lips formed a smile against her will, "Did not. Alfredo." She wanted him to smile and look at her like that, not fight. She was angry with him and a little terrified of the future, but she wanted this.

His musical, deep little laugh was more charming than it had right to be, "I'm not changing my birth certificate, by the way. Hint: starts with a 'J'."

"Jigawat. I would have tried Gigolo but it's the wrong letter."

"Joseph. But valiant effort. Though I'm pretty sure I would be a very high class, high dollar gigolo."

She shrugged, "I'll call you what I want, but I don't think I'd pay much for you, too stuck up."

There was a playful gleam in his eyes that had her already backing away, "Oh, now you have gone too far, insulting my honor. I just cannot let that stand."

She screamed when he made a lunge for her, darting behind his desk and anything else in the room as he chased her. There was a strange rush of happiness, like having the age sucked right out of her to make her a child playing a game of tag. Whatever it was, they both seemed to be infected by it and there was something nice about it. The pool table was very effective until he climbed over it and forced her to relinquish the shield. The noise brought one of the security but he ducked right back out very quickly.

"Lex," she prompted, "don't you need to leave soon?"

"Mmm, once I've restored my honor." He purred at her as he stalked her around the couch.

"That won't happen." She raced for the door, at human speed, and snatched his jacket and keys while she went, "Victory shall always be mine, Mr. Alfredo!" She yelled as she bounded out the side door, trying to hide her childish giggle.

They lead a rather lively chase, skidding around corners, nearly taking out likely expensive things and a few people along the way. They were both acting like five year old's and it somehow did not matter. It was fun. Lex never got to be a kid, she knew, so maybe he could be now. Clair let him stay close, encouraging his efforts to let him think he was holding his own; she even made sure he could nearly touch her several time, she felt his fingers brush her hair more than once but he graciously did not use it to pull her to a stop. When she turned onto a dead end they both skidded comically, winding up colliding against the wall of said dead end.

Pressed together, she watched the way the blue of his eyes was nearly swallowed suddenly in black as he panted against her, the smile sliding slowly away. He kissed her like a desperate man, jaw dropped wide like he hoped to swallow her. When his tongue flicked the roof of her mouth she moaned a pleasured surprise. He never kissed her like this before and she could feel her body responding with a flood of hormones. When his hands traveled from her waist she suddenly remembered herself. Lust was not love... and she needed him to love her, she couldn't forget that. He could sleep with anyone but she could not be just anyone.

It was fun while it lasted. Pleasant to forget about rules and missions and destiny.

Clair swiftly ducked out from under him and moved behind, "You will be late."

He turned around slowly, still breathing heavily, but he nodded and took his jacket and keys from her outstretched hands. She tried not to notice how he intentionally held the jacket in front of his lap to cover a multitude of sins. Before he moved ahead he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss.

"I still win." She announced to his retreating back.

Lex looked back, smiling fondly, "Guess I didn't stand a chance, but don't think it's over. I'm a patient man, I will win eventually."

And perhaps, she thought as she stood frozen in place, he was right. There was no guarantee she would win anything. She had to win. She had to remember to think like a Luthor and not let her emotions get the better of her. She had to do better if she really planned to thwart destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the stuff was just stuff I thought should have been a thing. Like I never understood how Clark got over Ryan so easily. I loved Ryan and I was so sad when he died. I never believed Clark would just shrug that one off and I wanted to write something where we saw the potential in all the hidden emotions surfacing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Smallville Twist  
> Pairing/Characters: Lex Luthor/Clair Kent  
> Spoilers: First five seasons, shifting to total AU after Reckoning (Zod, however, will still happen. I would never deprive Lex of being possessed by a Kryptonian)

Angels Fall-Breaking Benjamin

* * *

A sick feeling settled in the pit of Lex's stomach as he slowed and cut the engine along the edge of the stopped cars before stepping out to join staring bystanders. There was a bus, the back windows displaying "Go Crows Go" in red and white. None of the students hovering beside the yellow monster were cheering, whatever joy they must have had evaporated as they only stared with stricken, horrified expressions. Just at the edge of the carnage he noticed Chloe's car pulled a little cockeyed, seeming to have stopped in a hurry. The blonde reporter was not in the gathered crowd, however.

A car was some distance away, battered and beaten in, but he recognized it regardless. His hands began to shake, the first stages of shock already taking hold.

Lex pushed his way through the gathered teens and other drivers, following their gaze. He thought it odd they were not looking at the car, but in front of it, at least until he saw what they did. Clair was covered and streaked in blood, holding... a limp, battered body in her arms, rocking back and forth slowly just the way she had done with him once. His mind _could not_ put a name to the body even though he cognitively recognized what was left of a once beautiful girl.

There was so much blood, he noted clinically. Was any of it Clair's? There was enough of it for two people. The shaking began to spread through his body and all he could do was stare.

A blue truck skidded to a stop to his left and he did not need to turn his head to know who jumped from the cab and raced to Clair and... Lana.

Clair looked up at the sandy-haired new senator, eyes glazed over completely, "She's fine," she told him, "she's fine, she just needs a minute. She'll wake up." He could only guess she had gone in after the body and carried it away from the sea of broken glass, protecting it as best she could.

Still in his suit, Jonathan Kent crawled onto the ground beside his daughter, gently unwinding her arms from the body despite her continued insistence that Lana was fine. "It's OK, baby, it's going to be OK." Denial of the truth was a Kent trait. After a bit of work, he managed to get Clair pulled away, scooping her up in his arms. The way the neck had moved when Clair was prevented from supporting the weight of the head told him the neck was snapped. She would not be waking up no matter how fervently Clair willed it into being - hings were not fine.

"No, I can't leave her, Dad!" Clair insisted, but it was distant, as if her mind could not hold together, "I have to stay with her!" She was not fighting him, she was clinging to his jacket. "I have to protect her."

"It's all right, it's going to be all right," Jonathan repeated multiple times, low voice husky from effort to keep hold of his calm exterior as he took her to the truck. He shut them both inside and held his child like she was a tiny girl again, perhaps the way he might have when she was little and had nightmares. No one could hear what they were saying, only watch as he continued to speak to her and stroke her blood matted curls.

An ambulance arrived, meaning someone in the crowd called them. The lights were particularly bright at night, blinding. Somehow, Lex found himself back at home even if he had no memory of how he got there, nor how he ended up in bed with his clothes from the day still on in the light of morning. Something told him that he did not want to wake up though, so he went back to sleep for what turned into twelve hours. It was his father that braved shaking him awake.

The mansion, as always, was a good place to avoid things. It was his own world and he could make people come to him rather than having to go out his own door to face the horrors that had happened. Still, he had to come out for the funeral. The new Senator and his wife attended, but the daughter decidedly absent. Chloe and Lois were nearly on the front row but Clair was not with them. The Kent's told everyone she was unwell and anyone that knew who first found the body did not question it, meaning no one did. Lex stayed toward the outside, as did his father, though they did not stand together; he wondered why his father bothered to attend at all.

Lex himself had no right to come to her funeral since it was worry for him that had her driving that road to see him; if he had never called her she would be alive. He went out to find her that night because he heard her scream before the phone went dead. She might have lived if he had not been ranting his foolish self pity. The election seemed trivial after what more happened. Everything seemingly was over rather quickly and people faded away. That was when he saw Clair, hidden and shadowed very well in her dark dress. He should have gone to her but he let her have her wish.

An hour after the funeral ended he found himself still driving in circles, part of him wanting to play a hunch. Eventually he gave in and returned to the fresh grave. He took care in how he stepped, not wanting to alert the figure he saw where he expected to find her. Angling his direction, he put himself in a place to see Clair's face, but he stopped before he was too close. "You've never met him, so he had no right to involve you, I know. That never seems to matter." He heard her whisper to the cold dirt.

Lex could not move, too stunned by the sight of the girl on the ground, head hung low, fingers pulling at her hair viciously. She looked like death warmed over, white powder dusting her hair, and her dress visibly soaked from kneeling in the snow too long. "I'm sorry, Lana, I'm so sorry!" She shook with breathless sobs, "I wanted to save you, I just couldn't." It sounded like she was just restraining a scream, "Since the day I came to Smallville, I've caused you pain. If there's any justice in this, I hope you know that I will pay for this every day." A necklace was suddenly dangling from her fingers, it was easy to recognize even if the green in the stone was oddly gone, "I'll keep it with me always so I never forget what I've done... and maybe I'll never make the same mistake."

He watched her reached back and clasped the chain around her neck before she dissolved into sobs. This was the first time he had ever really seen her cry. It was like watching a fortress crumble, stones cracking and falling under too much pressure. Speaking of cracking, he forgot to watch where he stepped.

Watery green eyes snapped to him and the shields were up in an instant with the only evidence of their fall being the tear tracks. She stood swiftly, brushing uselessly at her skirt as if to brush everything away. When she turned away he saw her swipe quickly at her face to erase proof of her grief.

"It's not a crime to cry." He stuck his hands into his coat pockets as he came ahead, "You have every right in the world."

"No, actually, I don't. Just like I had no right to attend her funeral."

"Clair, whatever misguided guilt you are harboring, stop! Accidents aren't fair, they shouldn't happen, but they do, and no one can change that! Even you."

She turned back to him, expression neutral, "You came to visit her, I'll leave you to it."

"Stop," he caught her arm to prevent her strolling past him, "don't do that. Don't hide your feelings away, not from me. You're not an island, and you don't have to put on a brave face and pretend this isn't killing you the way it's killing all of us!"

Her eyes were vacant as she stared ahead, "I should tell you that I'm sorry. You lost your partner and your friend."

It startled him that she seemed to know Lana had been working with him on the space ship, because the unspoken undertone sounded a lot less about a coffee house, but he should have known Clair would know. She was the one that saved them both from respective gun shots and explosions. He and Lana had indeed been partners but no one was supposed to know about the extent of their projects. There was nothing he could think to say when she walked away. They had been through so much and stayed close but somehow he had never felt farther from Clair, like there was suddenly a wall he could not breach.

* * *

Lex went to the Kent farm; he had to, she had not stepped off it. Clair never came to the mansion, never sought him out, so he had to come to her. It felt like entering enemy territory after the election but he was willing to risk it. When he entered the barn he found Martha Kent seated on a work table, a picture frame in her hands and a distant stare of a woman miles away. He was careful as he approached her, not wishing to startle her or intrude on her moment. The picture, he noticed, was of two smiling girls; one was gone and the other no longer smiled. She looked up slowly, muttering a weak greeting.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked quietly.

Martha slid off her perch with a quiet, sad; "Oh, sweetheart," before she put her arms around his middle. Hugging her felt warm and safe, like hugs to a mother tended to. Martha's hug felt like a declaration of trust and faith, and in that moment he felt responsible, like he had one more person he would always need to protect. He knew then that he simply had to keep her safe because she trusted him to be that kind of person no matter what others told her. "I'm sorry, I planed to come by and check on you. I know how you felt about..." She pet his cheek with one had, "I'm glad you came." And like any mother she had to ask; "Have you eaten? I could make you something."

"No, I've eaten, thank you." He put his hands in his pockets, not sure what to do with them once the hug ended, "I just came to see if I could offer assistance in some way. I know this is a busy time for your family, and with the accident now..."

She nodded, "Jonathan isn't here. Clair is out in the field. She rarely stops working, not even to sleep. If she's not doing chores she's at school."

"Sometimes keeping busy is good." He offered, trying to sound as encouraging as he could.

"She put all her pictures away." She motioned to a box near the loft he had not seen, filled with frames and photo books. "She's not dealing with it and I'm afraid what will happen when it finally caches up to her. But I shouldn't be telling you that. You loved Lana too. You and Clair and Chloe were probably the closest to her in the world." Martha took his hand and squeezed, "Don't let it eat you alive like my daughter, Lex. Feel what you feel, denying it only hurts you more. I know without question that Lana would want you to be happy even though that seems out of reach right now. It won't happen overnight, and the wounds won't ever be gone, but they will heal."

The sad thing was, even though he was responsible for her death, Martha was right, Lana would want everyone to be happy again. They talked a little more and she eventually told him where Clair might be. He walked the farm until he found her and judging by the way she paused in her stacking of heavy looking poles she noticed right away. Lex sat on the fence and said nothing when she told him she was busy. At first they both did nothing but eventually she resumed stacking things that should be much too heavy for her. When she finished she took his hand and wordlessly lead him back to the farm. While he held her hand he rubbed his fingers over her palm, thumb gently caressing her knuckles. It felt intimate though he didn't know why but he could not stop, it was the only comfort he had to give. Martha fixed both of them a rather large lunch. He wasn't hungry but he eats it because he is fully sure that Clair wouldn't if he didn't.

The next day he sat in on her classes; teachers got nervous but not even one of them said a word about him being there; there were perks of donating money. Professor Milton Fine had been the only one brave enough in the past to openly challenge him while making the students squirm. The first class Clair pretended not to notice him but the second time had her switching seats to be beside him. They said nothing but the message in the silence was resoundingly clear and received in both directions; they were there for each other even if they didn't know how to be anymore when both were drowning in pain and guilt.

He took her to lunch and she didn't fight him on it. They finally talked but were desperately careful not to touch painful topics. They mostly talked about sports and he made fun of some of his business associates to get tiny smiles out of her. He also took a risk and told her everything he knew about anyone that might cause her father problems in his new position. Telling her was ashen loss on his tongue because he so badly needed that win, but he needed to protect the Kent women where he could... and Clair needed a task to get her mind off the pain.

He had a tiny victory out of it all anyway, against his father. He learned a bit about some secret donations his father made and about how he met Lex's investigator before his death. The potential scandal was enough to keep his father out of his office and under control, particularly when he mentioned how it would look to the public if they knew he met Martha Kent in a back street. Lionel would never let Martha be dragged through the mud; neither would Lex, but a threat was a threat.

Many weeks later, a bold reporter asked Senator Kent how he felt about his daughter's close friendship, referencing the lunch date, with his previous opponent and a Luthor. Jonathan leveled the woman with his patented look of righteous disapproval saying; "I may not agree with some of the dealings of LuthorCorp, and we obviously clash on issues, but that does not mean I consider Lex Luthor an enemy. We may not see eye to eye most of the time but he has been part of Smallville for years. He's a hard worker and I respect that. I've seen him muck out a stall without a word of complaint just as I have seen him run a business. And frankly, my daughter should be free to spend time with whatever one of her friends she wishes. If I planned to run my family or this state like a dictatorship I would have kept myself out of office. Next question." Ironically, business improved after Jonathan Kent gave the strange rendition of a defense. He could not decide if the Senator meant a word of it or not but it was better than nothing, it was also on record. If Kent mentioned how he mucked stalls in the election he might not have lost.

* * *

The movie was sort of terrible but it was somehow mesmerizing because the character's lives were even more wild than her own. Lex seemed to be entranced, most likely by the copious car explosions; he was male, after all. Men loved car chases, car explosions, car anything at all. He had an entire garage dedicated to his hobby so she was far from shocked. For her part she was just thankful to see him alive and well. He urged her to talk about her feelings but so did her parents. They just did not realize she would never, ever tell them the truth. She traded a few lives, played with human destiny like she was... a true and self important Kryptonian.

It was morbidly surprising that either of them could stand to watch cars rolling off the road. Part of her held a sneaking suspicion her cunning companion - strategical evil genius - was trying to get under her skin so she would suddenly tell him all about her feelings. It was an evil move on his part but she had come to expect no less. Not getting what he wanted never went over well with the rich and famous Luthor. This time he would have to learn to live with it.

Deep down, even seated beside him with one of his arms draped around her while they watched the movie, she suspected Lex would never forgive what she had done. He might not have known for certain that he loved Lana, but she was fairly sure he had. It might not have been a deep sort of love but it was love. Part of her had been relieved for that because Lana would be able to pull anyone back from the darkness, she thought. It meant she would not have to shoulder that even though part of her lamented the potential loss of Lex to her friend. After working so hard to convince herself that she needed to love Lex she had begun to think she might.

The trouble was, once he was in the hospital for the third time in a few short months, broken and hardly holding on after the crash that also killed Jonathan Kent, she _knew_ she loved him. The grief of having her father torn from her was crushing beyond what she could stand but hovering outside the little window to Lex's hospital room pushed her over the edge of sanity. She knew in her very soul that she could not live without Lex because somewhere she had gotten her heart tangled with him more than she understood.

Her memory of events was a little hazy since she had been operating under shock for the most part. Her dad had a heart problem so she never really stopped worrying, but to have him die in a car crash, jerked from her life in an instant, was too much. Having Lex hovering on death's door pushed her past the line. The first time he had been shot at Christmas had passed easily because she never knew about it until he was back home. When he was shot the second time she had too much to worry about to dwell on what could have happened if she never found him. But they told her if he ever woke up he... she could not handle having them both ripped from her life. She loved them in a very different way but the love was a deep sort of thing that twined with her soul.

She went to Jor-El, begging him to change everything back, begging him to save two people she loved more than life. She was perfectly willing to die in their place. Unfortunately Jor-El would never give her up that easily. He told her how she could roll back the events but he also told her that the second time it would be Lana.

Apparently if she let Lana leave the party earlier then it would stop both men from finding each other on the road; stop them from colliding with the semi while they behaved like idiots, shouting at each other from moving vehicles like they thought high speed chases meant no one else would be on the road. The accident was inevitable, the casualties were the only thing that could be interchanged. She wished those two could see reason and simply not fight at all but fate intended to take someone that night and it would either be two or one.

Like a true-blood Kryptonian, she weighed the options and chose the life of two over one. It seemed perfectly logical considering one was a Senator that would go on to help a lot of people, and the other was a promising young man with the world ahead of him. It seemed logical in the moment.

Admittedly, she had been too clouded with grief to really be rational in her choice until it came time for the first accident. She sort of believed she could fix everything so no one died, but then Lois was hurt and she lost track of time. She borrowed Chloe and her car to look for Lana. Chloe found Lana first but it seemed whatever her father did really could not be stopped. She arrived seconds too late, just seconds too late. She never asked where Chloe vanished to after they found Lana but the next time she saw the blonde had been at the funeral. They never spoke of what happened, not one word, mostly because Chloe knew how the guilt was eating her friend alive even though no one else did.

Clair leaned closer and buried her face in Lex's neck to block it all out. The movie was beginning to get to her. Though she still found it odd that the two of them had become comfortable with physical closeness when they used to keep their distance so carefully. Being close to the older man felt natural and comforting now even though she had little right to take refuge in it.

"Do you want to watch something else?" He asked her casually. Yeah, he picked the movie intentionally. She would have been angry with him but she did not have the will too, not when he was alive and safe.

"Sure. This one is a little predictable. We could watch something happy like Titanic." She did not feel like joking but there was nothing else to do.

He huffed out his nose like he was trying not to laugh. "Right, that one _is_ happy."

"Titanic... maybe the Love Boat? Oh, or Giligan's Island for another throw back ship wreck."

"Or if you want wrecks there is always Speed. That one has lots of explosions."

Clair shook her head, ruffling her own hair against him, "Guys and explosions. I don't see the draw."

"Hmmm... how about Sleeping Beauty? That has a dragon witch, right?"

Oh, he was good! Bringing a witch into the conversation as yet another reference to Lana. "Never took you for a Disney domestic sort of guy." She was not going to bite.

"I can be domestic some times. Disney ruined dating for so many guys that don't happen to be a prince it almost makes me feel ahead of the game since I am royalty."

"I'm not sure being called the 'Rising Prince of Walstreet' actually counts, but nice try."

"You're right, I'm not the Prince type. I usually see myself more as a Greek or Roman ruler." He told her loftily, starting to gently rub her scalp with the tips of his fingers.

"They wore skirts, just so you know." She pointed out blandly.

"But they also had very nice, intimidating armor." He defended.

"Well, the Greeks had a thing for not wearing anything if the statues and paintings are to be believed... so you might want to rethink that one for Halloween."

Lex laughed and she felt gratified to have gotten one of those rare shows of humor. He kissed the crown of her head sweetly and she burrowed closer. Shifting his body around more to the side, he pulled her tightly to his chest with both arms as her own little fortress. He made her feel safe, like her dad did. They were both human so it was hard to say why she felt so secure when either of them held her but she did. There were seemingly few things the young Luthor could not fix most of the time and that made her feel like she had someone in her corner that no one could touch, or she wanted desperately to believe that. She wished it was true.

"If you need to talk, Clair-" Lex began slowly as if he could say it just slowly enough to keep her from noticing he was doing it again.

She jerked from his hold and was on her feet, at the end of the couch a little faster than she really should have been, humanly speaking. "Don't." She warned him simply.

He scrambled to his feet, "Clair, I'm your friend and I know all of this has-"

"I said stop, Lex!" She found herself shouting at him, finally finding that will to be angry, "I will let you ask me questions, pry into my life, but never ask me anything to do with Lana again! You think I didn't know the movie you picked was supposed to bring up bad memories to get me talking? You can't play me like your employees!" She very nearly threw one of his glass tables, "Why can't you just leave it alone? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you she is dead because of me? Fine! She's dead because of me, OK! She was the price! Happy?"

She felt so much rage bubbling up inside her. He could never leave anything alone! He just had to keep at it until someone snapped. She moved for the door and he tried to stop her which lead to her slamming him relatively hard into the wall with her body, glaring into his bewildered eyes. Not waiting for him to regain his wits she stormed out of the room. Lex perused her and started pleading with her to "just wait a minute" and she ignored him. He was just a bit taller than she was but he very nearly climbed her in his attempt to stop her progress. His arms and legs were everywhere, like he sprouted a few new ones when she had not been watching. It actually did work since she could not do all that much without hurting him.

He sort of began a strange rocking motion while he held her tightly enough it would have hurt anyone else, his face buried deep in her neck, "I'm sorry. You're right, I never know when to leave things alone."

She said nothing so he kept swaying the both of them, "Tell me how to fix it! Tell me how to make this better!"She still said nothing but this time she tried to extricate herself from him, "Don't leave me, Clair, please?"

That one would probably always get her no matter how angry she was. She closed her eyes and sighed quietly, "All right." It seemed she said that a lot.

He really was not someone she could leave. He never had been. She would always come back to him. The way he plead with her almost reminded her of the time he had a gun drawn on his doctor and he was begging her to believe he was not crazy even if he was not sure himself. To date, she could almost never bring herself to say the name 'Belle Reve' in front of Lex unless she simply had to. Something in her, potentially guilt, would not let her leave easily if he asked her to stay.

They might have been a sun and a planet orbiting each other. Sometimes she wondered if one could really get along without the other. Maybe destiny had been wrong all along. Maybe the key part of the story about Naman and Segeeth was the part about them being intertwined forever. Everyone said there were a few ways to interpret it.

He pulled her into a room she knew was not even his but it was what was close. They stumbled inside, moderately still tangled together, not bothering to turn on a light. At least one of them, though she already forgot which, had the foresight to shut the door once they came in. They shuffled their way to the bed, him pulling her along like a little boy insisting to show the sitter a new toy. For the most part, she let her mind go blank, letting him do what he wanted. On occasion it was pleasant not to think and to let someone else do that for her. The blankness would not last long, soon her mind and defenses would kick in, but for the moment she let herself stop caring.

Lex tossed the blankets back with one hand while he slid under and pulled her in with him. Once they were in he tossed the blanket back up, all the way over their heads, creating a little fort for them to lie beneath; legs crossed and propped up to make it a tented shape. She let him direct her head onto his chest and for a long while they just stayed still; she listened to his heart and he stroked her hair, just staring up at the blankets like they had all the answers. It felt like he was sharing something deep and private with her though she was not sure what just yet. Neither of them seemed to be falling asleep as time ticked away in the silence of their self created haven away from everything.

After some time he turned off his back and onto his side, letting the blanket drop over them in favor of pulling her flush with his body. Kisses were peppered over her temples, over her nose, cheeks, and jaw. The feeling took her breath away and she could not get it back. It felt like love, declared so prominently that it might as well have been written. They were innocent kisses, tender and sweet, wordless apologies and assurances and comfort offered with astounding sincerity delivered with all his usual intensity. It made her cling to him, splaying her hands over his shoulders and his back to pull him closer. It was a connection like nothing she had ever felt with another person though she had no idea why. She wanted the connection desperately, needed it, because she did not want to be alone.

They were very much alike, she realized, more than she ever assumed. In their own ways both of them were totally alone without anyone they could fully lean on. Neither of them trusted anyone totally, letting people have a piece of them but never the whole. They tried desperately to protect themselves and always failed, resulting in having everyone and everything taken away bit by bit. They did not want to be hated but their actions, however well meaning, eventually ruined what they tried desperately to keep. She knew without question they both had pages upon pages of regrets.

It was a very long, very lonely path to walk alone. They each had their reasons but they were each alone. Maybe that was why he was so desperate to know her secrets. That would mean she could never leave him. It would be security. A way to ensure he had someone on that road with him, willing or not. He must have seen how similar they were and maybe he thought that was the answer for both of them, a way neither of them had to be alone. Maybe he was right. Maybe that was what they both wanted. Lex never got to be normal either.

Something in her informed her that she should kiss him and she found no reason to argue, though she had never initiated before. She cupped the back of his smooth head, taking note of the bump at the base of his skull, and pulled him down. Their lips joined, tongues soon to follow. This time she was no passive, tangling her tongue with his in something of a battle. Lex moaned low and long, encouraging her to double her efforts. Without thinking, only needing closeness, she slung one leg over his hip. He moaned again, more desperately, reaching to grab her hips and drag her closer. They were clinging to one an other and it was foreign but pleasant. His other hand found its way under her shirt to continue holding her, pressed between her shoulder blades, but with more skin to skin contact.

Something was making her head swim, like parts of her brain were lighting up with a rush she could feel all over. It was like being on Red Kryptonite but also nothing like it. The room was intolerably hot suddenly, probably from how heavily they were breathing. It was surprising how much breathing they were doing. Nothing ever winded her like his wet, wanton kisses were.

It occurred to her that kissing was loud, at least the way they were doing it. He sucked on her tongue, then drew her lower lip into his mouth, and she had no idea what to do with that but she knew she did not hate it. She did not hate anything he had done yet. She did not hate it when he moved his attentions to her neck, she shifted to give him better access, which was the opposite of pulling away. The open mouth kisses sent shivers running through her, drawing out very dramatic noises from her lips. He was making her high, and like it was with the Red K, she did not want it to stop.

When he moved back to her lips he punctuated the change by thrusting his hips against hers, making them both moan. They began to sway together, her body picking up what to do a bit too naturally, like it knew more than she did. Something tightened and spasmed inside her like she had never felt before, almost like it recognized something she couldn't. What her body had done, she had a terrible feeling, was not something a humans would. Her body... wanted his, she could feel it, and her blood turned to ice.

She could not do that with him, not now, and maybe not ever. They were not actually compatible! She had no idea what her body might actually do to his. He was human, breakable, and squish-able. She could kill him without ever meaning to. Instinct might take over and she had no idea what those instinct might be. Even if she was comfortable with the idea, had a solid plan of how not to potentially hurt him if she forgot to let go of his shoulder or something, she could not do something like that without telling him who she really was. It was beyond unfair if she lied about being human when they did something like that.

"Lex! Wait!" It surprised her how panicked she sounded, but he drew back slowly, seeming to have understood.

He might not know the truth behind her sudden change but he clearly would honor it. A surge of gratefulness ran through her but she did not know how to tell him any of her feelings. She could tell he was composing himself, gathering his control, breathing hard like it would help him calm his system; they were both still panting, actually. It was impossible not to watch him, watch the way his body both relaxed and tensed further at once.

"I'm sorry... it's just... I..." She rushed over her own words, unable to finish, not sure how to explain without making it all sound wrong.

The smile he offered held no anger, it was oddly tender and sweet as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, "It's OK, you're right. I'm glad one of us is rational. I'm sorry I got... lost in the moment."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it was all my fault." For all she knew, she had released pheromones all her own that forced him to want her, she did not know. That was terrifying and horrifying and too much. What if she did? What if that was the real reason Alic and Kyle had such strong reactions, bordering highly on irrational, toward her? She was an alien so how could she really know if her body did something like that, could influence genetically altered humans? Normal humans never liked her but the ones that were different, some of _them_ had. What if she did that and had not known? Her hand slapped over her mouth quickly because she was afraid she might be about to cry, which would not help at all.

"No, no," he pulled her close again, kissing her eyelids, "hey, no, none of that." Lex always knew, even if he did not know the whys. He kissed her forehead and just stayed there, holding onto her as they laid still.

"I love you." She blurted out against his neck - and he stiffened, she noticed - then she gasped once she realized what she said. All she was capable of was disasters. One after the next. She was one big Kryptonian mess!

Clair immediately tried to scramble away but he held on, actually being dragged over the bed when she kept scooting away. For a human, he was shockingly agile, because he managed to grab the headboard and slide both of them right back where they had been; the silk sheet probably helped a lot when he pulled her and determination helped for the rest.

"No. Stay." He was not yelling at her but it was a command, matter of fact. "You are not allowed to run."

So she didn't.

They went back to the previous position and there was absolute silence. Neither of them knew what to do and it was painfully obvious.

"If you had not said it, I would have." He told her quietly, "I was working up to it in my mind. Something a little more flowery, maybe a ballad. The subject of love has been attempted through the ages; Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Cummings, to Shakespeare. Poetry was created to tell another person how you felt without simply saying three little words that get the meaning across to the listener far faster than a hundred stanzas. I find myself perennially baffled and confounded by everything that makes you who you are but I never find it within myself to dislike it. I could spend eternity learning all your enigmas and contrasting truths and never wish for anything more. You are the only constant, like the foundation I built this new life on. I think my world would crumble if it was taken away."

She literally had no idea what to say. Her mind tried to work something up but it felt like he put a giant blank where words should be. Rather than speak, she placed a single, careful kiss over the throbbing pulse in his neck and hoped he understood. Lex was brilliant, walking, breathing poetry and she had little skill with words.

* * *

Closing her eyes and forcing back a sigh, she veered down the darkened hallway. Light filtered in various colors through the windows, offering enough light to keep her from walking into anything. She had a mission in mind for the night, before she went home for the night, but she ended up falling asleep with Lex once again after her clumsy confession of love. It was ill timed in a fit of emotion and she was not sure she meant it the way she said it; she did not know what kind of love she really felt, only that it was love; she did not know if he knew his own feelings either. He was lonely, starved for love, but then so was she, in a way.

Distractions were not what she needed, she needed to remember to focus. It was supposed to be an easy night with a ready alibi from Lex dropping her off at home to prove there could be no way she could have gone to Metropolis. The plan had been to sneak into Lionel's office and possibly take a peek at Lex's while she was there. He would never even know, it was better that way. Anything missing would not need to be traced to her, hopefully. Luthor's always blamed each other anyway, even if indirectly. If she hit both offices they would be even more confused.

Something had been brewing since she destroyed Professor Fine, she could feel it. She just hoped it had nothing at all to do with a Luthor. She knew Lex was searching for Fine with no success but he had not given up. She was more worried about Lionel and his behavior since his recovery from Jor-El's clutches. He called her "my girl" once and it sounded so possessive it gave her sickened chills. There were also phone calls badgering her father and mother that had not stopped after the Students for Lex Luthor club had ended, they only stopped after Lionel Luthor had a quiet chat with her mother. Granted, she was not as paranoid as she had been when she was infected with silver Kryptonite, but some things still made her very uneasy.

Though it was not to plan, when she woke, she knew she might as well check off something farther down the list since she was in the mansion. After she did her digging she could slip back into bed and pretend she never left his side. So long as everything was back in place it should work well enough.

Working at speed she began to work her way through his files and notes. His propensity for digging was not at all confined to her secrets so she could be consoled by that. Research was an obsession all its own. Though she would never exactly blame him for watching his fathers every breath considering what they both knew about his typically terrifying habits. Lex was an absolute angel when compared to his father and the irrational need to control and even subjugate his child was a compulsion Lionel took to unhealthy heights.

She tucked some papers back into the pocket of the briefcase with irritation. Papa Shark was up to some unpleasant things once again, it looked like. If she wanted to keep her father safe from any of that she supposed she might need to pay a few crime districts a visit in the near future. Whatever was going on could be entirely too dangerous for an honest man in the senate. Her father would never be bought so it was clear enough that he might be a target at some point it Lex's conclusions were accurate. Apex seemed like something she would keep her father out from under at all cost.

Her ears picked up the hints of creaking nails in the floor and silk socks sliding over wood. Lex had woken up. Clair scrambled, putting papers away faster than the human eye could catch. She was fast but she also tried to be very accurate and get it all back the way she found it, paying attention to order and placement. She managed to get everything back in the briefcase and put back where it had been before she heard his touch on the nob of the door. Facing the window casually, arms crossed, she tried to think of a way the hide the key back in his desk without being caught at it. Even with her speed she did not have the time to get them hidden since the door was swinging open.

"You're a little off the mark for a midnight snack. The kitchen is a bit farther north." Lex drawled nonchalantly.

Clair leveled her gaze at him as he switched on the light. He looked so disconcertingly unruffled and even relaxed but she knew it was a lie.

"I was sleep walking I think. I guess I wanted a view to look at." It would have been smarter to tell him she was just walking around but she was shockingly bad at lying to him.

Lex rubbed the fingers of one hand along the sides of his mouth the way he always did when he knew she was lying to him; like he did every time she mentioned a term paper, "Sleepwalking?"

"Yeah, guess I still do that now and then. At least I wasn't on any roads this time." She flashed an innocent, sweet smile for him, though it occurred to her afterward how little she had smiled in the previous weeks.

The muscles in his jaw flexed several times as his eyed jumped all around the room. He wordlessly came around the desk to stand beside her before he reached out and adjusted the briefcase a few inches to the left. Clair licked her lips, trying to think of a way to backtrack herself out of an unpleasant argument. She could quietly admit the stinging reality that she was a hypocrite, expecting honesty and trust from everyone but herself. If felt different because she knew she would not hurt anyone, would only lie for the good of others, and would never betray anyone. She knew her own intentions so it felt justified but anyone on the outside would feel a bit differently.

"Find anything worth reading?" He asked her casually, voice controlled.

She swallowed, unable to look his way, "Oh, I don't know. You have so many books that it's a little hard to pick something. Not to mention you're not big on anything I'd consider light reading."

"I was not exactly referring to my collection of books." He informed her, thrusting his hands into his pockets.

He was angry, controlling it admirably, but angry, and he had a right. She should have gone home and left things alone. Now was not the time to upset him after what happened a few hours before. If anything she would be poisoning her own plans to work her way into his heart to keep him from turning on her. Maybe, for once, if she changed tactics and used honesty, she could save herself. If she told him a few half truths it might be better. She could redirect his attention if nothing else, make it seem less like a personal affront.

Decision formed, she held out the keys to him. He eyed them a moment before he held out his hand, palm up. She dropped them and he pocketed them.

"Yeah, I found a few things, things you would never tell me on your own. Some names to work with. Like Apex and some of the unsavory criminals your dad has working for him." She crossed her arms under her breasts, hugging herself discreetly, "Any of those names have anything to do with the people that shot you at Christmas?"

He did not answer her but his breathing had gotten deeper.

"I want your father. I might as well tell you since you caught me. He's not the reformed saint he plays at and we both know that; I switched bodies with him once after all, which gave me a very good look into his dealings. I was planning to break into his office later, see what I could find. When I do you can be prepared and have something worked out to keep him from thinking it was you. Or you could tell him I did it. Up to you. If nothing else I plan to get enough evidence on him to keep him in line so he can't over step his boundaries again."

"My father does not see boundaries and he does not negotiate." There was a hint of acerbity to his words but she did not know if it was directed at her, his father, or both.

"He does, you just have to make him an offer her _can't_ refuse. I'm pretty motivated to give him some reasons to back down since my dad will be working in circles he's in. I know he was behind whoever was harassing my dad recently and I know he called it off after the election was over. What I don't know is what it was about but I don't need to so long as I know what will keep him away. Apex seems like a good starting point as any."

"Need I remind you how all of us ended up the last time we decided to put him in jail, Clair? Chloe nearly died, I nearly died, and he still found his way out onto the streets."

"I'm not trying to put him in jail, I'm trying to put him on a leash. Cut some of his strings. He has contacts and puppets, but those tend to go away once they have no reason to stay. I don't expect you to get involved or help me, I expect the opposite, but that won't stop me. Your father can't just roam as free as a bird, he's too dangerous for that. I trust him less and less the longer he lurks around my house."

"He's been lurking around your house?" Lex finally looked at her rather than the window.

"Yeah, he comes by when my dad's not home, wanting to talk. I'm not waiting around for him to swing the ax and see where it falls. I'm pretty confident that I can get what I need, so I plan to." She sighed, "I'm not letting him do as he pleases. Maybe he didn't get you shot but he's increasing the crime enough that it doesn't matter, it just snowballs until it might as well be his fault. I'm shutting down his Apex pet before you and my dad get killed. I'm not letting anyone else hurt you."

"Clair," his hand rested gently on her shoulder, seeming like his anger had been swayed, "this is out of your league! You can't start running around in something like this."

"I'm not asking permission, I'm giving you a heads-up so you can cover your back." She informed him sternly.

"Then let me do the digging. I'll fish around and-"

"No!" She hissed, "I'm not risking that! I'm looking into it solo! You keep out of it, far out of it! As in miles away with lots of witnesses. It'll work better if it's me, you know he expects it from you. I think he _tries_ to get you to investigate him."

Lex ran both hands over his head with growing irascibility, "No, you can't just run off like some medieval knight to slay a dragon! He would eat you alive!"

"Don't be so sure. I'm tougher than I look."

"Are you?" He shot back, "You can't even handle your own father, what makes you think you can take on mine?"

"We're not blood, that's why. It's easier to fight someone else's monster. Lionel thinks he knows me, but he's not my father, he can't reach into his understanding of my growing up years like he can you. There is no background or expectation of a bond. I'm an anomaly, the wild card, if you will."

"You are a farm girl! You know nothing about the kinds of games he plays!"

Her eyes flashed with annoyance, steel entering her voice, "Lex, if I've learned anything from hanging around you, it's history. History tells you that people like Lionel get brought down by thinking they are invincible and priding themselves on controlling everyone. Eventually they run into someone they can't control. How many rebellions were started by farmers?"

He stared at her like he had been struck with sudden amnesia and this was the first time they had ever met. Deciding not to give him time to argue further, she moved around him and walked to the door. He followed her only moderately, watching her unhappily as she headed out. It was doubtful that he had forgiven her for her investigative reporting and he was not known to forget things like that easily. Unlike many other times, she wanted his forgiveness. She could not say she would not have done it later, but she should not have invaded his office tonight. They shared something that should have been special rather than being overshadowed by hints of betrayal.

Pausing just short of walking out the door she found herself unable to move ahead, one leg out the door and one in, "My birth name was Kara," she held to the frame as if it could actually help her, "but don't ever call me that. That's what he calls me." And then she made a decision.

Far faster than his eyes could ever trace, she came back to him, pressed to his side with one hand cupping the back of his neck. He gasped, wavering in place a little when his senses caught up, but she stilled him when she whispered right into his ear, "I love you, Lex Luthor. That's why I do this, even if you get angry with me, all I really want is to make sure nothing hurts the people I love. I have lied to you... many times, but not because I don't trust you. I lie because I can't survive without you and knowing too much is dangerous." She pulled away, allowing herself a moment to look into his wide, confused blue eyes, "But I understand if you hate me...it won't change anything for me though. I'll still want you safe."

She sped away, knowing that later she would pretend none of it happened and he would pretend to have forgotten it. Neither of them would bring it up and they would ignore her little show of speed in favor of not rocking the boat. Lex would be satisfied for a while because she let him see something with his own eyes. Farther down the line she would let him see her do something else when he was getting a little too upset over something and he would get high off another discovery. He would take it very well, reacting only slightly, like he always did, but inwardly he would be pleased. She could get out of trouble that way for a while until she ran out of abilities to show him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it's Valentines day I tossed in a few love interest things.  
> Errors in writing, typ-os, all. I may have to come back and edit this later since I didn't read it over much, but I posted it anyway because I wanted to post it as my valentine to all of you.

Ours-Taylor Swift

* * *

Lex sat in his desk chair, unable to focus on his work, rocking back and forth. Asthma had not been a problem for him since boyhood but his lungs had felt tight for some time now. He was fidgety, unable to relax thanks to the sheer unease running amuck in his system. He tapped the pen in his hand against his knee in repetition, tapping out a beat to an old song he played as a child.

 _"My birth name was Kara."_ He still heard her voice echo in his mind even a week and a half after.

 _"Where is Kara-El? Are you Kal-Zor El?"_ He could still hear the big, strong, man demand as he held him aloft by the neck in that hidden room of the caves. The woman was calmer, less agitated, even sultry, _"If it was him, he would not bleed. Kara-El is not here."_

The night she came to him, he would swear she said the "supposed" cousin - indicating he was not the real one - her father killed was named Kal. Maybe he was wrong, maybe it was coincidence. He never believed in coincidence though. It had to be a trick of his mind but what if it wasn't? Kara-El must have been one of them if they were looking so intently for her, or at least she was someone worth an alien's time to track down. Even if she was not one of them she must have been... less than human. What had they wanted with Kara-El? No one knew what happened to them. They had not left the way they came, he should know since he had the ship for some time after the fact. They simply vanished and he doubted after the entrance they made that either of them would bother with subtlety and suddenly decide to blend in with the natives. Something, or someone happened to them and maybe it was the same someone that vanished from the room with no more preamble than a gust of wind. Had that someone killed them? He could not picture it but his perception of reality had come into question since he moved to Smallville.

That aside entirely it was still quite a puzzle he never had enough pieces to. An invasion like that would leave earth in ruins if more like those two arrived, or were already hiding on the planet. They did not even need masks to blend in.The visitors mentioned two potential kin of theirs, though admittedly he doubted they were on friendly terms since they were none too gentle with him when they thought there was even a scant chance he was Kal-Zor El. Enemies then. So were the two they were looking for hiding on earth, masquerading as humans to escape some sort of capture? And capture for what purpose? What did the galactic travelers want with the girl they were after?

He did not want to entertain the notion but... could they - if Clair and Kara-El were one in the same - have been sent by her father? Were they there to drag her away by force? Or were they the reason her father had tried to make her leave? Were they the enemy to her family? Were those more dangerous than the illusive father figure? Though, maybe he did not need to worry about those invaders considering they obviously lost to Kara-El or Kal-Zor El. They were the ones that fell of the face of the earth and he was again not one to believe in coincidence.

He huffed through his nose in frustration. He just did not know. He was also afraid to ask the logical source, but he intended to get some answers and he had a few ideas about who to track down. Those might not be easy either but it could be well worth the effort. Starting with the most obvious target of interest, the man that lingered entirely too much around the warehouse and happened to disappear the same day as the black ship. His assistant had unearthed a few very interesting facts about an awol professor. 

The buzz of his phone drew his attention and he reluctantly answered.

"We have a situation at the lab." No returned hello, directly to the point of the call. Scientists were never good at social graces.

"I pay you to handle situations."

"Yes, but-"

"If you don't feel competent in your position, Doctor, I can find someone to take over." Lex realized he was in a foul mood and his own social graces took a hit.

"Dr. Hong released the subject! Stone is on the street, in public!"

Lex paused a minute, thinking, "Was his treatment complete, Dr. Krieg?"

"I still had some upgrades I intended to implement."

"But is he healthy and fully able to function?" Lex persisted.

"Yes, he is fully functional but-"

"Then leave Victor Stone alone for now. We gave him a second chance at life, it's time to see how he uses it. Let him adjust for a while. Find him and keep him under surveillance, but as long as he's not a threat to others or himself the situation will resolve itself since he has no choice but to come to us eventually."

"You can't be serious!" Krieg sputtered, "Do you know how much money was invested in him? He can't be allowed to roam free! Besides, anyone could find out about him!"

"I was the one supplying money, Doctor, I know how much he is worth." Lex reminded the other man blandly, "But he's useless if he can't function in the real world. We saved his life, regardless of the mechanics, I would think that should be a good thing, ethically speaking. Besides, he should be easy to find. He's young and in love; he has more than enough reason to want to live a normal life. If that changes we will revisit his case, I trust you can handle keeping  close tabs on him. Consider it the next stage of testing, just moved ahead of schedule. I expect detailed reports on his integration process and any potential points of interest in his progress." And Lex hung up on the 'but' he already heard coming.

There were more pressing issues vying for his attention. Stone might be a scientific marvel but he was a teenager with a girlfriend. How hard could it be to track him? He would not go to the authorities, not if he wanted to live out his life the way he probably always dreamed. Happy endings with the girl were still in his future, no reason to keep them apart. So long as the kid did not go crazy he would consider the case a total success and a step toward superior soldiers the could stand a chance against hostile planetary visitors... and world peace, of course. The better the soldiers the better chances they had for some security. 

A mindless army was not exactly conducive to that dream. Maybe they would be easy to control but the human element made or broke a soldier. Humans were able to accomplish some pretty amazing things if they were motivated to protect something they loved. There was a way to control them in case the power went to their head, but he hoped he would never need to put that plan into place with a kid like Victor.

Lex knew a thing or two about near death experiences and being saved to start again. Admittedly, Victor's case interested him mainly for all the potential that would have been lost if he died... and the picture found in his pocket. In the past he might not have cared much over the boys personal health but he had recently gotten a new perspective on lab subjects. He could not help thinking, after his discussions with Clair, how differently he would view things if he knew - loved- the subject.

If someone caught an alien... had no personal knowledge of them or connection, how concerned for humanity over the goal would they be? How would they view cruelty to a specimen like that and would they be merciful? The answer was obvious. He was none too sure he would have been vastly different, concerned for their well being, if someone simply dropped an alien into his lap. They were not human, they were an obscure thing that people made movies about. He, like many, would view it as an opportunity for advancement in the scientific sense.

Truthfully, he could not stomach dwelling long on the subject, too horrified by the mental images his mind helpfully supplied. But after the subject occurred to him he had set about hiring a lot more scientists; the brilliant potentially dangerous ones that would think little of moral obligations just so he knew what all of them were doing at any given time. If his father sunk any saying in his mind it was probably; "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."  If you knew what dangerous people were doing it was like controlling a threat. It meant he felt a little safer.

But, now to his own matters. He had a long trip to make and a girl to say goodbye to.

He found said girl shooting hoops with herself when he drove up to the Kent Farm. She looked his way, smiling and waving to him as he climbed from the car and made his way to her. By the look of her, she seemed in high enough spirits, though he did not know why. She tossed him the worn, orange orb and then he knew, as he gave it a few bounces, that she was in a decent mood. It made him smile even though he missed his shot.

Clair missed her shot as well but he had a nagging thought that she missed intentionally to save his ego. "I came to tell you I'll be away for a few days." He told her.

She frowned slightly, bouncing the ball to him, "Oh yeah? Where to?"

"Oh, just a little place out of the country. I'm looking into some new investments."

Green eyes studied him doubtfully, but she shook it off when she caught his successful basket. "Well, I would tell you to be careful but I'm sure you intend to be. Though, if I were you, I would travel out of the country a lot less considering the amount of trouble you always get into."

He nodded absently to her point. "Additionally, I have a bit of a favor to ask of you."

Clair tossed and sunk the ball before offering it to him again, "All right, shoot!" She grinned at him.

He took the ball and her advice, scoring what would have been a miss if it hadn't spun the rim the second time, "In a couple months I have a reunion to attend. My old school, Excelsior Academy."

"I thought you hated your school." Rather than trying for a basket, she simply threw it back to him, like she thought he might need the distraction.

"I do but liking or hating it has nothing to do with attendance. When there is a reunion it isn't really optional unless you like having your name dragged through the mud behind your back and having clients stolen from you because you refused to be part of the grand networking." Lex bounced the ball several times before he made a shot.

"Sounds like a blast." She remarked sarcastically, "But what does it have to do with me?"

"I want you to come with me." He cut right to the point.

She arched a brow, "The farm girl?" Clair shook her head, like she could erase her accidental reference to their unmentionable conversation, "I'm not really the kind of company you would take to something like that. I'm no refined society harpie, you know that, I'm not cut out to be giggling, air-headed arm candy."

"You're a thousand times better. You're my friend, that's why I want you there, need you there with me to make it just a little less like torture. I would buy you a dress and anything else you needed, since I'm inviting you, obviously, but I... really hope you'll agree to go with me." Maybe his desperation was showing because she did not fight him.

"All right." She agreed like it went against her self preservation needs but she had always been selfless.

"When I get back, I'll take you shopping."

"I thought it was not for a few months." She sounded almost perplexed.

"I know, but the alterations always take a while. You can't just pick one off a rack."

At that she looked like she regretted agreeing, "You're going to make me have some dress altered for this party I'll only wear it to once?"

"Most girls don't complain about a new dress." Lex pointed out.

"I think we established that I'm not 'most' girls, but I guess I can live through a fitting or two for you."

 He smiled brightly at her, pulling her into a hug she did not seem to have been expecting, "You're still my best lady."

Clair slid her arms up so she could drape them around his neck, "I would do anything for you, Lex." And he knew she meant it, which frightened him and made him happy all at once. She had always been his best lady. He should have realized that years ago. He would do anything, go to any lengths at all, bar none, to keep her with him. It did not matter who he had to kill or save, he would make sure that she was safe and happy. It was a strong emotion but he was afraid to name it in anything less than a multitude of lyrical lines. So, instead of speaking, he held her close.

* * *

The tropics were rainy and humid maybe all year round. Water just seemed to hang in the air and it made his clothing feel saturated the moment he stepped off the jet. He did not really enjoy the climate this time of the year but he was not on a pleasure cruise. When a guide had taken him to the camp he found nothing overly surprising. The items in the tent were rather interesting, exotic collectables of all kinds. Everything was neat and orderly, quite a feat considering it was nothing but a tarp and some sticks in the middle of nowhere. Great care had been taken in the organization and set up. It spoke volumes about the owner and his habits. Order in chaos. The items were well made too, by locals, no doubt. Some of them might have been rather old.

"I would have had tea and petits fours waiting, but I didn't expect you so soon." Milton Fine, if that was his name, strolled into the tent seeming without a care.

Everything about the man was harsh, nearly unrefined, but at the same time he seemed worlds above everyone else around him no matter where he was. He always looked put together whether he was standing in a classroom or in the middle of a jungle. His hair was well behaved and his clothing was unwrinkled and set to right. Obsessive compulsive disorder screamed off him but he was still somehow fluid. The stark intelligence was a tangible thing that hid under his quietly malicious, though contrasting peaceful nonchalance. He did not care what anyone thought and it showed. The man was wound tight yet wholly imperturbable and it was difficult to adjust to him.

"You knew I was coming." It was not a question and Lex did not bother to make it one.

 

"You leave a trail of breadcrumbs, no surprise when the crow comes calling." He replied sardonically.

Having finally found the man, Lex was not perturbed by the indication that he had been allowed his victory, he knew he worked for it. "I think a simple phone call would have sufficed. Why the lesson in persistence? You think I don't have enough to do?"

"I couldn't reveal the truth about myself until I was sure you were dedicated to your cause. Anyway, nothing worth having is handed to us, and I never made it a habit to shirk my scholastic responsibilities to encourage effort for a grade."

Oh, he was dedicated alright, and motivated.

There was no way he planned to let the charades continue when he traveled this far for a confrontation and having the upper hand made him almost giddy. "Well, I hate to disappoint you but I already know what you are. And it's not a professor of history, is it? No, it's something much more exciting. Tell me, what's the benefits package of a government operative working for a covert branch of the State Department?"

Emotions flickered rapidly over Fine's face until they finally settled. He almost, almost seemed shaken. The man looked moderately pleased if not impossibly taken back, "Very good. You found that breadcrumb on your own."

Lex nearly preened at the realization that he threw the other man off balance so totally, "I want to know what you were doing posing as a college professor in a Kansas farm town."

Fine eyed him, seeming to drop any pretense he held before, but there was still something veiled about his manner. "I was investigating the possibility of an extraterrestrial presence."

Lex forced his muscles not to tense and kept his expression carefully blank. There was no room to tip his hand with a man this intelligent and perceptive.  He had to know why the man had gone to Clair's school, hired her, and if there were any unfortunate connections he knew about between any of those lines. He did not yet know what he would do with the answers but he needed to have them. "This investigation, did it bear any fruit?"

"Well, we believe a spacecraft of unknown origin touched down during the recent meteor shower. But an individual with quick reflexes and vast resources was able to get to it before we could."

The ship, just the ship, he wondered. Hiring Clair might have been coincidental and merely a way to get closer to LuthorCorp information. It was by far no secret that there was a friendship between the Senator's daughter and himself. There was no reason anything had anything to do with the farm girl but there was no guarantee either. It might have been a relief if he felt he could be sure nothing else was in play.

He did not know that he could trust the answer held full disclosure but he could not ask directly unless he wanted questions being thrown at him, "So that's why you were investigating LuthorCorp?" He hoped that was the extent. There was a certain chill creeping into his body that had nothing to do with cold.

"Yeah. And I admire the remarkable advances you've made in the name of science. Too bad you couldn't get into that ship when you had a chance. Now it's back into play, up for grabs."

Lex eyed the other man warily, "You know where it is."

Fine answered the way most teachers would have, making the audience draw their own connections rather than handing them an answer. "The ancient Mayans believed they were visited by great beings from the heavens."

"You think 'visitors' like the two in the ship have come to earth before?" Lex knew he would need to step carefully. "You think there will be more?"

"There is evidence that they have, right here and in places all over the world, including Smallville. I think there already are more, living among us. And yes, we suspect more will come. The man seemed to like to pace a bit as he spoke, another teacher habit.

Lex's heart rate must have been speeding up but he tried not to think about it. "You think the ship's in Honduras."

"Well, I'm certainly not here for the coffee." Fine nearly trotted in another direction, "Come with me. I'll show you what I found."

He did follow, of course. There was a great deal he wanted to see. The little village was nothing he had not expected. Children were everywhere but they looked well enough, clothed and seemingly happy as they played. Nothing to terrible had happened here if that was the case. Aliens had not raise the huts at least so that was something.

Milton chattered with the natives but Lex did not bother to pay attention and actually try to listen to what he was saying to them until they neared a hut with a boy sitting on the doorstep. A bit of the man actually seeming the kindly American visitor with the child and he handed the man his toy. Fine then offered it to Lex, and it was astonishing to see exactly what it crudely, though somehow beautifully represented.

"His father carved it." Fine told him, "After claiming to have seen a carroza de los díoses land from the sky."

Now Lex was really paying attention. "Chariot of the gods."

"Yeah." The older man said simply.

 

"I wanna talk to him." Needed, desired, absolutely thought it was imperative to see the man, was more accurate but Lex did not think it wise to seem quite that intent.

With a guiding hand on his shoulder, wordless urging to come away, Fine lead him from the children as if they would actually be able to understand what was being said, "I know you can do many things but I'm not sure you can communicate with the dead. Days after the sighting, his wife came home to find his charred remains."

That would just be perfect. He should expect no less at all, should he? Nothing was ever easy.

Lex's irritation showed in his acerbic response, "Despite urban myths, human beings don't spontaneously combust."

"No. We believe whoever or whatever was in that spaceship incinerated the man. In fact, we suspect this alien race poses a grave threat to the entire planet. This incident alone proves that they are here, and maybe they have been for some time. Perhaps all the way back to the myths origin."

"If they've lived peacefully among us so long, why would they suddenly become hostile?"

Fine seemed almost eager to speak now, "It's like terrorist sleeper cells, biding their time until conditions are right. With the ships arrival, it might have inspired these disguised aliens to act."

"You can't know they are here or that they would turn on us. Some of them could even be helping humanity for all you know, peacefully living quiet lives." He was drastically straying off the lines of safety and he needed to dial it back in, he could not afford to let it seem personal.

"That they might be but it won't last forever, not for them or us. Someday they may not have a choice."

Lex did not like the sound of that, it made his stomach drop to his tones, "What do you mean?"

Fine was in full professorial tilt now, "Well, there have been whispers of a _device_ kept secretly, hidden away by an organization, fabled to have the power to _control_ out guests. If it's true and it fell into the wrong hands... can you imagine the raw destructive power of even one of them turned puppet? Imagine if there were even just three like the two that crashed to earth in the shower? Obviously we would very much like to get our hands on the device but we have yet to track down any names, or even the name of the secret society. But as long as the device exists, it would be our salvation or our downfall as an entire civilization."

Oh good God! Something existed to control aliens? Take away their will? How many could it enslave? What type of aliens could it ensnare? Would this fictitious device rob them of all that made them what they were or just lock them away in their own body? Would it work on Kara-El? How did it control them? What did it do to them? He had to find it and lock it away so far beneath the ground that no one and nothing would ever reach it! He had to do it now! He had to... he had to calm down, that's what he had to do. His heart was racing and he was starting to breathe harder. If he did not control himself the professor would have more than enough reason to become very curious about too much.

"Well," Lex managed, "how do you defend against a threat of that magnitude?"

"It presents a great challenge. We are working on a potential weapon, a weapon that would greatly benefit from LuthorCorp's assistance. We're well aware of your tireless quest for extraterrestrial life. Your tenacity is impressive."

A weapon! What kind of weapon? What would it do to... Kara-El? No, he would not allow it! But he really had to, didn't he? Kara-El or even Kal-Zor El were not the only aliens, there were the killer duo as well. They might have been the ones to torch the boy's father. Who knew? If they all looked like Clair they did not even need masks, they could walk around free as the breeze. Humans would never know.

He was going to be sick, he really was, "I'll help in any way I can but I want unrestricted access to all your data."

The answer took the other man by surprise and he glared a bit, "That's a bold request."

Of course it was, he was desperate, "Well, without it, this discussion is over."

That both seemed to perturb and amuse Fine, "I'm not sure you understand me, Mr. Luthor. If we don't work together, there may not be a LuthorCorp or a government left. Think about that on your flight home."

"Why are you telling me this?" Lex finally asked.

Fine's response was solemn. "To help you understand my urgency."

* * *

Lois was busily tapping away at her computer and Clair intentionally did not let the other girl know she was in the living room. She was in a decent mood and saw no reason at all to kill it with one of many banter sessions with Lois. The girl had seen Lex visit and had seen them hug, which would have been alright if she had not had the gal to casually bring it up around Jonathan Kent-Luthor loathing force of nature. At least she must not have seen Lex kiss Clair on the lips before he left for parts unknown. For whatever reason, Chloe's cousin had allowed some comments from the billionaire get under her skin and it turned into something close to unadulterated hate.

When the knock on the door came she moved to get it but Lois was quick to spring up and Clair saw no reason they both should rush to the door. After the clash of wills she did not want to be around the other girl any more than needs be. She watched the uninspiring flirting between the Queen Industries courier and a less than smooth Lane. Sun bleached blonde and tan skin, a strong jaw and nice physique, Lois could do worse.

The man was infatuated the moment she opened the door but Lois was not greatly improved over his tongue tangled mess. Love at first sight? Who knew that was real? Well, it probably wasn't love, just attraction. Lois Lane was pretty enough to catch the eye of any man she wanted.

At least his default was not blatantly rude though she knew the other girl was not trying to insult him with every word, but it worked out that way. The tip part was very clearly a blunder with the way he looked so totally baffled and embarrassed. Maybe he was used to a lot better tips or he was not used to them at all. He seemed to have more of an agenda to the visit as well but Lois was no good at waiting for things like explanations.

So he left rather hesitantly after the door was shut in his face. Not much he could have done but leave and Clair had a feeling there was more to the story than flirting but she had no reason to care.

Martha hurried down the steps, already eyeing Lois, "Thought I heard the door."

"Yeah, your pledge finally sailed in from Queen Industries." Lois stated proudly, like she delivered the envelope herself.

"Where's the man that came with it?" Martha seemed less impressed about the answer than expected.

"The courier? Oh, I gave him his tip and sent him on his merry little way."

Clair was already smirking, realizing that there must have been more to the encounter, just like she suspected. It was morbidly amusing to over hear the eldest Lane daughter being cut down a few notches. Oliver Queen, rich prodigy of an old family line, had been tossed out on his ear after a failed attempt at flirting. The world was a wondrous place indeed. Senator Kent might have a few words of righteous fury to offer Lois this time. And Lex was out of the country, pity, she was sure he would have enjoyed hearing all about it. She missed him already.

* * *

True to his word, Lex did whisk her away to Metropolis, and the expensive part of it, no less. The posh dress shop he paraded her into was nothing she could afford in a million years. They had runways, for goodness sake! Like she was supposed to be a model? She felt very out of her depth and trailed behind him like a shy child, even tugging at her shirt unconsciously. It felt like one of those dreams that started out normally but turned horrible very quickly, like suddenly being naked in a crowd. There was champagne for them and she was not a drinker but she was fairly sure it would be good quality if they served it to rich people. The nicest places she had been in offered soda or water while their guests waited. It was culture shock for her though he seemed to have no problem with any of it.

Lex seemed distant since coming back to Kansas, distracted, but still attentive. Clair was uncomfortable and out of her depth with the ladies in grand what she guessed were Armani suits and skirts. She at least knew what Armani was, though she had not previously known they had perfume as well as clothing. Live and learn. Lex probably wore everything in the Armani collection.

When she knew they would be shopping in nice places she had not expected this, though she wore something she considered nice; obviously not nice enough by the way they touched her like she was dirty. One of them actually wiped her hands after she took her measurements. It was insulting but Clair tried to be the bigger person and took it all in stride.

Lex invited her, not them. It was special and she was going because he needed her so she could put up with a few snobs. She could literally run circles around them all so that helped. They did comment on how fit she was, though she doubted it was a complement, she decided to take it as one. They did not have to approve of her, they just had to get her a dress to wear.  
  
"Don't worry, Mr. Luthor, we will make her look like a princess." One of them, the manager, she thought, told him.  
  
"No," Lex admonished, "you will make her look like a queen, she's second best to no one. There is a difference."

Maybe he had noticed the way they handled her because that sounded very much like harsh chastisement. Something told her he was taking up her part and it was rather nice.

Lex was proud of her and that was all she could need. He knew her, they did not. She might not have been the princess sort, not the pretty girl that everyone lifted up as the ideal, like she always wished she was, but he thought she was above that. She was no damsel in distress, most of the time she was the one saving the prince. She was strong and her body showed it, but that was who she was. Lex didn't mind her muscle lines and her hard curves, if he did, he kept the thought to himself. She was as normal to him as she would ever be, so she would take it gladly.

It was nice to be cared for. That was what he was doing for her, the best way he knew how. There was nothing normal about his life either but he was sharing it with her all the same and that somehow made a world of difference.

When they shoved her toward the stage from behind the curtain, she was not at all interested in stepping out in what they put her in. Now she felt a little sympathy for Lois and how she must have felt being shoved onto stage in the stars and stripes costume. They had to shove her again, and then one more time, harder, to get her out from behind the safety of the material shield.

She shoved away from the curtain a step, and that was all they were getting out of her. Lex looked up, the serious look on his face vanishing when he took a look at her. He pocketed his phone and stood, smirking at the clear reluctance showing in her entire posture. He knew her too well because he strolled over and perched on the edge of the stage. His eyes made a few sweeps of her figure.

"It's just us, Clair, no need to be so tense. If they bother you, show them your fangs, that's the only way to deal with people like that." Lex reached out and fingered the glittering sequined hem of the skirt. "A little 80's. Not really your style, is it?" It was also very green and she had not been fond of shiny green things for a long time.

She shook her head, feeling like she had digressed to kindergarten.

He waved at one of the attendants, "No, this is terrible! Hate it! Burn it! Get something else, something better than this tripe. I said make her look like a queen, not a drag queen."

They nodded, almost bowing as they ushered her away once again. He was very good at fangs and also drama. Having grown up with rich kids he knew exactly how to play like a spoiled rich boy. Maybe he used to be that way too.

As time wore on she began to enjoy the dress up game, she even put on a bit of a show for him, twirling and occasionally dancing just a little, because he would smile and laugh when she did. It did not make sense to act like the stage was a death trap when they might as well enjoy the day. He was right, it was just them, and staff members that could not care less. She could be a girl, play dress-up, and play it up. It had occurred to her that he would feel guilty if he thought she was miserable, so she needed to do better. After she lost her self conscious attitude it became fun anyway.

They did not end up picking a dress from that shop, though she modeled enough for him to surely have been able to decide on something. He waved away all of them, saying they were not capturing her essence, not doing their subject justice. Clair thought that was ridiculous, it was only a dress. Though she had not honestly cared for any of them either, it still seemed a lot of effort to go through for no reason.

He took her out to lunch and said they could try another day. If she were of a more petite, delicate, and lovely nature, she might have guessed he just wanted to draw the occasion out as long as possible. There was not much for him to look at though, she thought, so that could not have been his reason. He was probably simply nervous and did not want her to embarrass him in front of all those wealthy, important people. He needed to dress her for the part she could not really play. Not that she minded, she understood completely. The day had been nice all the same, especially since he had been away.

"Did you like that red one?" He asked suddenly, between bites.

"It was a bit... revealing. I would never subject humanity to that much of my skin exposure. I'm not Lois, you know. I don't have the figure for things like that. She would have liked that dress." Come to think of it, she never had told Lex about Lois' under cover work as a stripper, but that would be unkind.

"It was too revealing, but not because of that, but because you would have men panting after you all evening," Clair scoffed but he continued, "and I don't like to share."

That felt like an awkward declaration so she instinctively made light of it, "Never learned that in pre-school, did you?"

"It never stuck. I was always a bit too possessive."

"Well, I can assure you no one would look twice at me to steal. I'm not the stealing kind. I never even got picked for dodge ball." She grinned at him but he did not really smile like she thought he would.

Instead, he shook his head a little, "You really are a wonder, Clair. Sometimes I wonder if you ever got your sight back after the accident."

She frowned, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Then he did smile, "Nothing, only that I adore your innocence. But we will find you a different dress."

"If anyone could make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, I'm sure it's you, Lex." She was trying for humor, but fell short again.

"Don't say things like that." He admonished lightly.

"All right." What else could she say?

"Thank you for agreeing to come with me. You're the best friend I have ever had, Clair. You mean the world to me." He said it so frankly, so honestly, that she understood him loud and clear.

He loved her, treasured her. She belonged to him and always would. The kind of love he had was obsessive and consuming, but it was beautiful in that intensity, and she didn't hate it. He would probably do anything for her though that was admittedly a little more than she wanted to think about.

"You mean the world to me too. I would go anywhere with you, you know that." And she hoped he really understood.

She was unworthy of his devotion, she had no idea how to deal with it, it frightened her, but she felt it directed onto her all the same. To love was to be frightened by it, she thought. The emotion was dangerous. She loved him too and no one could make her stop, not even Lex himself. She had absolutely no idea what she would do without him in her life. It would be so empty and she felt very deeply that she might be lost without him. They sort of kept each other balanced. Maybe he needed her to pull him from the darkness, and she would do that with all her power, but maybe she needed to keep working to hold his darkness away to save herself from the darkness in herself. They needed each other and they always would, she had a feeling. Balance... that sounded about right. Keeping the world in balance. That was their destiny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my world, Victor and Clair never even met, though he will find Oliver without question. Lots of stuff that happened because of Lana won't even happen now because Lana was the catalyst. Also, Victor's girlfriend never left him because I liked her and I don't see why it's only Lois and Chloe and Lana that seem to be able to handle super powered men. I call bull and say she was just happy he lived. Happy ending, done.  
> I think knowing what Lex does in my world would have given him some new perspective on what he was doing to lab experiments too, so maybe they won't want to hunt him down as much. Angering you lab projects is always a bad idea.  
> And I actually looked up some dialogue for this chapter. I wanted to get some of those banter parts right even if I alter the directions and motives. I told you all Zod would still happen, so here is the explanation of WHY Lex would be reckless enough to get involved in my world. Just because Clair is being more honest does not mean the two secret keepers of the world would suddenly share all and it doesn't mean they would stop going off on crazy quests to try protecting each other. Good intentions, bad choices.


	5. Zod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like chapter 5.1 and next chapter is moe like 5.2 since it's all one, but it was too long.

Circus for a Psycho-Skillet

Monster-Skillet

* * *

Pain pulsed with every single beat of her heart, gathering and strengthening in her skull like oil ready to flow violently to the surface after a drill was put to work. Her arms hurt and her chest particularly throbbed. Whatever free space there was in her head was taken up by cotton and clouds. It was impossible to think but she knew she had to, except someone was already moving, moving all around her. Her back connected with something that should not have any give, but it crumbled at the impact of her body anyway, though it was not enough to keep the impact from jarring her further. Her head bounced forward helplessly and her spine tingled unpleasantly.

Somewhere along some line her vision had gone black like the feed to a computer monitor having a connection cut. She distantly wondered if she had gone blind again and hoped not, because once had been hard enough to deal with. Her parents weren't around very much anymore so she would have to adjust on her own to the loss of a sense and she did not know it she could.

Her body hit the concrete wall again, and then a third time before the pain simply stopped.

When she turned her head, it was to face the open skyline of Kansas as seen from her place at the barn door. She blinked a few times, wondering what had brought her here, but then she supposed she remembered. It was morning and the animals needed tending. In a flash, she fed the cattle and filled the trough before she returned to the bar to start on the horses. They were well used to her speedy exits and entrances and they were content to ignore that, which was why it surprised her when one of the horses rared about half way, kicking his front feet uncharacteristically. Normally the horses were so calm, but she paused a moment when what she assumed were clouds temporarily blotted a shadow over the windows.

The horses tossed their heads and stamped their feet; the cows in the field got louder; Shelby pranced in place and barked like it would make whatever it was go away. There was a thickened quality to the air, something similar to the way it felt before a particularly violent storm, it was something they did not like and she thought she might not either. It sent chills up her spine and made her wish she had stayed in bed with the blankets pulled up. Shelby edged closer to her legs and she pat his head to reassure them both.

With her senses so on edge it was no wonder she heard it, heard the familiar, distressed and possibly pained voice. Lex screamed again and she was racing full speed toward it before she actually knew her feet had moved, her body reacting before her mind was able to process, but she was glad at least part of her knew what to do. Something was happening to Lex and she was desperate to put an end to it, a desperation that boiled her blood and made her bones vibrate. Instinct told her to be wary of the day and whether it was human instinct or a more foreign sense, it worsened the closer she got to the sound of his shouts. Passing his abandoned car in the middle of nowhere was confirmation she really had no need of.  
  
Jumping into the clearing, she finally saw him, a jumbled, tattered mess from his run through dry branches. The dead yellow grass made his pale skin and dark coat stand a stark reality. He looked wild and out of control, clutching at his head and spinning in place, still yelling. At first she only stared, hypnotized by the un-Luthorian spectacle but a particularly loud yell brought her back to herself.  
  
"Lex!" She called, running forward, human speed through the tangled and dead overgrowth of the open field.   
  
Both his hands shot up, warning her off, "Stay there!" And she did stop, not wanting to agitate him more than he already was.

"What's happening?" she prompted, "What's wrong? What are you doing out here?"  
  
"I don't know!" The admission might as well have been dragged from him as displeased as he seemed, though he was calmer.  
  
The world became very loud in an instant, explosions of dirt and dust shot high into the air around Lex and she raced toward him, desperate to protect him. Except she was not getting very close very fast and the explosions just kept coming and it made no sense that she wasn't getting to him until the dirt settled. Only then did she notice someone was holding her back and Lex was just staring rather bewildered.   
  
Clair hardly took the time to look back and see the unfortunately familiar visage of the Brain-Interactive-Construct. She was not precisely baffled to see him again since he was a lot like a bad penny you could not get rid of and she knew he had been in Lex's lab even if she had not gotten there in time to see him. Times like these she wished she knew how to improve her strength, but she struggled to pry his arms from around her waist, digging her heels into the ground to push forward toward her target, elbowing Fine in the nose. He took the blow without much response other than to shake his head clear, probably re-calibrating something she shook loose.  
  
He lifted her off her feet then and she kicked wildly until he brought her down hard once again, making a bit of a dent in the ground where they stood. She shrieked in rage and struggled harder but he held her firmly on her knees, securing her arms behind her back. Lex watched like he was viewing the Lunar Landing for the first time; he probably never expected to see anyone control her.  
  
"Get away from her!" Lex shouted viciously, angrily like he hoped to pose a threat though the desperate undertone indicated he knew better.

"Lex," she called as a counter, wanting to keep the AI's attention, "get out of here now!" She punctuated it by throwing her head back and connecting it with Fine's face.

He retaliated by twisting her arms that much farther behind her back, nearly snapping them both, but she refused to cry out, "He can't leave. He was compelled to come here."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She hissed over her shoulder.  
  
The answer never came, or perhaps the shadow was the answer, effectively distracting her when it fell over Lex. An unexplained wind picked up around the clearing and she saw fear flashing in his eyes as he looked for the source. There was nothing but a shadow to the human eye... but Clair focused, spotting the disturbing triangular shape of the very ship they had all been searching for. It hovered innocently but she knew with sickening clarity that Fine would not have brought it without reason.  
  
"What are you doing?" Clair demanded as she shoved her feet into the ground and forced him to let her stand.  
  
"I'm preparing him." Fine informed her composedly.

She might have asked but she thought it was more pressing to keep Lex from forgetting what he needed to do, "Lex, run! Get out of here, I don't care what you have to do, just leave!" And she twisted her body, ignoring the sickening pops of both her shoulders, gritting her teeth against the pain and slamming her whole body into Fine, knocking him backward several feet.

It no longer mattered if Lex saw what she was capable of, she just needed to stop whatever was happening. Her shoulders popped back into place on their own and it was unpleasant, but not as much as the pain like lava running through her side and out through some of her ribs. She did not scream, though she might have if she had been able to draw a breath, but Lex howled her name in the most desperate sound she ever heard from his lips. The taste of copper flooded her mouth and she knew what it meant. Fine withdrew his elongated, sharpened sword of a finger from her body with a wet sound that made her feel ill. Some other time, from someone other than Milton Fine, she might have been fascinated by the way the metal shrank and faded back into what seemed to be a perfectly normal hand.

There was already blood running down the length of her leg, pooling in the rolls of her jeans and in her boot. The wound was quite deep, from just above her hip all the way up into her ribs, so she thought that might be why it soaked her clothing in red. Blood was so hard to get out in the wash and she was annoyed that she might have to throw away a perfectly good set of clothing. She did not really try to stop the flow of blood down her side, not wanting to touch it for some reason. Being stabbed or shot was not a thing she felt she would ever get used to.

Normally her knees were steady things she could put her trust in but they gave out and it almost felt like betrayal. Fine caught her up in his arms, cradling her almost kindly, bloodying his suit, if it actually was a suit and not an illusion, of course. "Shhh... nothing you can't recover form." He soothed, though she did not think she was making noise, but she must have been making a little. Either way she did not want to be soothed by him, it rankled her on a deep level. And why did he care if she recovered?

"Clair!" Lex was screaming, really screaming her name and he started running, trying to get to her.  
  
A blue swirling beam of light shot down, illumination the underbelly of the ship as the light engulfed Lex, making him shout in pain once again.   
  
"No!" She shrieked, terrified as she watched, struggling anew to move forward, not feeling the pain, listening to the mechanical drone of the engines. The light flashed brighter, yellow-orange igniting around the outline of the ship and over the ground. Then the ship was gone in a steak of motion even she could not follow. She screamed again, scrambling and clawing to get to the remaining glow, seeking to follow, and she almost didn't notice when she was free to run into the formation as it glowed and extinguished. Gone. Everything but the symbol on the ground was gone. She knew instantly what the mark in the ground meant but she wished very much that she never learned it.

Fine stood in place stoically, though he was still partly colored in her blood, seeming interested in her reaction. "Bring him back!" She yelled, more desperate and frightened than angry. She would do anything to get him back safely, "This has nothing to do with him! It's our fight, not his!" And all the screaming was making her lightheaded, or maybe it was the blood loss.

The morning sun flowed into her, like a friend that knew it could help. She was already healing. That too felt like betrayal when Lex was gone.

"I'm afraid you're wrong. It's his fight now too because he became involved with you. I chose him for many reasons, prominently your connection."

Clair raced back to him, colliding with him at full speed. He caught her, skidding backward, leaving deep marks in the ground, but he used her own momentum to vault her over his head and throw her into the trees. She crashed through at least a dozen before she fell to the ground. The broken trees fell around and on top of her, forcing her to shove them all away before she could stand again. She shook away the pain - the wound would heal soon enough - focusing very hard on everything but the burning and spinning, and pushed back into the clearing to renew the confrontation but he had vanished.

In blind panic she raced in nearly every directing at once, looking for the ship, looking for Fine, anything, but it was too late. She never felt so slow. Eventually she found herself headed to Chloe in a daze.

They couldn't take him too, they couldn't. She already lost so many people to them - and it felt like more, would have been more had she not turned back time- she hardly had anyone left, they couldn't take him too! She hated her people! They snatched and twisted every good moment, every shred of happiness from her life without fail.

Clair blinked, suddenly seeing white in a square shape and all around it indistinguishable gray. The white hurt to look at when everything else seemed so dark. She wanted to look away but he felt too tired and her body felt trapped. She was confused, disoriented and rather frightened. Something very wrong was going on and the last thing she knew she had been doing was looking for Lex.

There were voices, unfamiliar whispering, and the sound made her ears hurt and her head pound inside her skull. Everything hurt so very much. It must have been meteor rock. She tried to turn over, to crawl away from wherever it was, but a foot planted itself roughly on her ribs to hold her still. She hurt all over and she felt the added weight was simply too much. It only took one blow to the side of her head to send her into unconsciousness.

* * *

**Three Weeks Earlier**

The moment Lex walked into the room he was both on the defensive and offensive. It never was a good sign when his father wanted to talk. They were not exactly the healthy sort of family that dropped by for anything friendly. Though he had no hand in it, Clair had managed to single handedly take down most of Apex, so his father was likely in a poor mood. That was not even mentioning the extensive digging Lex had been doing into the recent discovery of Dr. Swan's death that was oddly surrounded by very unique links to both old and new deaths; the Queen's and even the Teage's, along with the woman that had been found on his property. If his father was waiting for him to give up any information on either topic, he had another thing coming.

"My helicopter's waiting, Dad. What's so important?"

Lionel was already after the bottles, seeming a bit agitated and that was even less encouraging than when he looked perfectly relaxed, "Obviously something you've got cooking in Honduras. Although I doubt it's the banana daiquiris. You've been racking up quite a lot of frequent flier miles, son." He always said 'son' like an insult.

"Challenging upper management often leads to a bout of unemployment." Lex warned easily, pretending to be distracted by the file in his hands.

Lionel seemed to find that amusing and than made it very tempting to strike the man. "The welfare of your workers is the least of my concerns. You're involved with Milton Fine. I know that he's been smuggling some of the deadliest viruses in the world into this country with your help."

Someone on staff was going to be looking for new employ when he found the person or person's feeding his father information, "Well, don't worry, Dad. We're not gonna put them in any Halloween candy."

Lionel acted as if he was really so far above such dealings, as if he was so worried about the greater good of mankind, "You're extremely nonchalant for a man whose collection of microorganisms could wipe out more than half of this country."

"It's under control." Lex assured as he tried to go about his own business, wanting to leave.

"Your business partner's a man who seems able to appear at opposite ends of the Earth simultaneously. How much control do you have over him?"

Well, that was a topic of interest Lex had been rather concerned over when he noticed it, but he had that handled too, in fact, he had it more than handled, he had counter measures in place. Working with the enemy proved very helpful so long as you knew you were being played. "Your intel is impressive, but incomplete."

Lionel turned away from amiable into worriedly commanding. "Shut the operation down, Lex. Shut it down now. Wherever you're incubating these viruses, you need to destroy them. Milton Fine embodies a threat greater than you appear to realize."

Oh, right, because he would never understand that an alien threat was dangerous. He would never understand that he needed to be several steps ahead of Fine to ensure the survival of humanity, that was way above his head, but not his father's. "You taught me. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." He knew more about the threat than his father, even if Lionel was a member of some secret society where most of the other members had died. Whatever the society hid, they obviously never trusted Lionel any more than anyone else if he did not have control over whatever item they supposedly kept. Soon, Lex would gain what his father had not, and he would find a way to get ride of the threats and also make sure no one every used it on Kara-El. He would save the world just like he swore he would when Clair was shot.

"This is one enemy you don't know. Not knowing who you're in bed with can make for a very uncomfortable awakening."

"Well, I'll present that nugget to the board when they ask why I'm late." He headed for the door with determination.

"Lex," His father actually began to follow, a slight softer tone to his voice, "I know you don't believe me, but I'm trying to protect you. Getting involved with these things is dangerous! Not _one_ of them is safe! You can't let yourself be lulled into false security. Even the ones that seem innocent can turn on you, turn very dangerous given the right conditions."

"What exactly are you trying to tell me?" Lex did not turn to face him, afraid of what his face might betray. He did not like the way he said 'things' like it could be people or objects, so ambiguous.

"Just what I've been trying to say this whole time. You are getting in over your head and Fine will make sure you drown. Getting involved with one of them, it's not good for your health, it's more dangerous than you know."

Lex did turn around then, "One of them?" That could mean so many things, and his mind produced at least ten potentials in the span of two blinks.

"You need to lock down everything to do with that project." He held his hand out, something cupped in his palm, "But I know my son, so I suggest you start carrying this with you. If you feel threatened, you might want to open it."

Lex took the pocket watch reflexively, opening it with a confused frown, "Meteor rock?" Glass was on both sides, one side the watch and the other side housing a full, glittering group of stones.

"It's the only thing I can give you, the only thing that might help you." Lionel walked away then, leaving Lex more than slightly confused.

He eyed the structure and etched designs; well made, elegant, and shockingly to his taste, which he never expected from his father. Something made him wonder if it was not some backhanded effort to get even with Jonathan for the watch the Kent's gave him, or perhaps to outdo the other man. Lionel always had seemed a twisted sort of jealous of any connection that might be familial. He well remembered his father's lecture about gods and men, though he had fortunately never found himself tied to a rock yet; ironically, Lionel had been the one tied to a rock, and even in the moment he had been frantically working at the knots, the irony had not been lost on him because his mind always recalled things it should leave alone.

He rubbed his thumb over the etched smoothness of metal still warm from his father's heat. The watch was heavy too. Was it lead lined? He really had no idea what this was supposed to mean but he slipped it into his pocket anyway.

 

A little while later, when he tried to use it against Fine, they glowed bright and florescent green, but they did not save him. Milton Fine seemed fascinated, but he was not dissuaded in the least, though it sounded like the ones that made him would have been. Lex really had to ponder that, along with everything else he had learned. He also very much wanted to know how his father even knew the rocks might hurt non-robotic visitors. 

* * *

Stars twinkled brightly in the sky overhead, and for a moment it felt like a memory, but she shook the feeling away as she moved purposefully forward. It all looked real but felt fake. The stars could twinkle happily because they had no idea the carnage that could be wrought if she failed to do whatever it was she ended up deciding to do.The cows in the field lowed contentedly  and it might have caused her to forget how different the night was from the normal nights on the farm.

While she had searched for Lex everywhere she could think of, she never even considered that he would go to her home. A chill ran up her spine as she moved toward the barn, and not from cold. There was a frigged feeling of dread settled in her chest and she feared what she was about to find, especially since she had no idea what she really planned to do with her predicament. Everyone had an opinion once they found out someone was facing a problem, without fail, and the case at hand was no exception. The consensus of mostly unwanted advice forced down her throat seemed to think it should be an easy choice: one for many. She had done that a time before and she almost did not come back to herself, and wouldn't have without Lex; would she actually come back from this choice when it would be his life she was taking?  
  
It was so easy for everyone to tell her to sacrifice Lex. Lionel - which sickened her most of all- and her parents, even Chloe to some degree once the virus took over the city. Chloe was the one person that knew the seedy details about the last time she made a choice for a sacrifice. The morbidly amusing if not fully sad aspect was that not even one of them knew she loved him, not the extent, at least.More depressing still was how unsure she was that it would have changed how they saw the situation, or even that the information might simply cement their steady insistence.

Neither she nor Lex wanted anyone to know about the alteration in their relationship. They were careful not to really give anything away to the public eye and careful to keep their secrets; secrets were an art they were both very well versed in. They both had ample reasons to play the cards close. There might never be a time - no, there would never be a time - when either of them felt safe to lay bare their souls to the world. They would always be secretive creatures in their very base nature. That only meant that each time well meaning advice was proffered, they were unknowingly telling her to murder the man she loved.  
  
Jor-El knew and he did not care. The moment he told her she would have to kill whatever person it was that had been chosen, she could tell by the tone in his voice that he knew what he was asking of her. Her people were such a cold race, she realized, just like their planet. They had such a limited capacity for feelings, or maybe they just smothered them until they shriveled and died. She wished she had never known what her own, fully Kryptonian side was like because she wanted to see no possible connection in herself with something so barren.  
  
It was almost worse that Lex decided to come to the barn because that was where her Kryptonian dagger was hiding. It was like he was tempting the forces of their fate with that act. She highly doubted he knew about the dagger or that it would be in her barn, though, he might know that she would hide anything of great importance in the loft. It was more her space than her own room was.  
  
After some hesitation she made herself walk through the threshold and under the old roof of the barn. She was accosted by the normally calming smell of hay and aged wood, but now it felt like committing treasonous acts against the Kent ancestors to bring her alien battles to such an earth centered place. The barn had been through an awfully lot and undergone so many repairs, but it was still standing like an old soldier. She felt a bit proud of it for that and she hoped it would last through yet another trial of its craftsmanship soon to be in play.  
  
Lex stepped out of the shadows slowly, or rather, prowled was more accurate to what he did, "So, I'm guessing you've heard the news from my father. I know you visited him at the hospital."  
  
He looked dangerous, like a weapon still sheathed, but ready. Perhaps he was angry about her going to his father, not that she had wanted to, but she could understand Lex's point of view. There was so much animosity between the two men that she could never understand. Even her relationship with Jor-El seemed less strained. Really, she could not disagree with Lex on any of his opinions of his father. The man implied his own son was just the sort of choice an evil, world destroying, tyrant would inhabit. That rubbed her very much the wrong way and it resulted in a bit of a shouting match at the hospital.  
  
Lionel was neither of her father figures regardless of how he saw things, and she informed him of that as well, and that she could speak to him however she wished. Lionel did not have to like her opinion but he did need to stop tossing insults at his own child. Part of her, a very small part, was a little sorry Lana's ghost turned out to be Fine, and thus everything she said was a lie.  
  
She really was not surprised Jor-El picked Lionel as his oracle. Neither of them were at all rational in many regards and they were incapable of staying objective, and sometimes incapable of normal human emotion.  
   
She studied him, trying to match his pace, but she was a bit annoyed with him for the summons, "After the way you vanished, it was so touching that you came right over to tell me you were safe." Not that she had not been more than busy with Fine and his computer virus mayhem, but he really could have called before his not so subtle throwing of the gauntlet.  
  
He chuckled darkly, "Well, I thought it would be best if I got a few other things done first." Looking her over up and down, he nodded, "Though you are looking much better than when I left." 

"Again, I'm touched by how quickly you came to check in with me. It's thoughtful how worried you were." She wanted to be happy to see him but she just couldn't yet with all that was hanging over them. His attitude was not helping.

Without a word, he walked up to her, brazenly running one hand over her side, the side that should have been injured, which she allowed. She only pulled back when curious fingers slid under her shirt to seek out what was not to be found. There was no scare or remaining sign of injury save the very slight, nagging feeling of what might have been a bruise even if there was no actual discoloration. His fingers had been warm, almost scorching, when they were normally always just a little chilled. She realized after he was already away that she must have looked particularly spooked, like a deer, because satisfaction flashed predatory in his eyes. He wanted to unsettle her, maybe even hurt her, as if in recompense for either something she had done recently or all the lies over the years. Finally he had her, proof positive, and she could do nothing save call him delusional to change it.

"I knew there was something different about you." He confessed, almost sheepishly. The admission made cold chills rung up her arms and into her chest even as he stepped back a pace, a backwards toe to heel so he never shifted his eyes from her, smugly amused. "But I'm not quite normal either anymore. What did you decide, by the way, Clair? Are you gonna kill me?"  
  
Heart falling to her shoes she did little but gape at him. How had he found out about that? Lionel? Not Chloe. Unless he was hanging around at just the right times to overhear something. Maybe he had come to tell her he was alright after all, or to see if she was. Clair was not accustomed to worrying about someone with her abilities overhearing things. That would explain the anger if he had, at least partly. The other part... she feared what the other change had been. "I don't know what you mean."  
  
"Oh, come on, Clair. I know you love this! It proves you right! All your lectures have finally come to fruition. Since that day on the bridge you've always seen yourself as my savior. The one thing that would pull me off the dark path I'd started." Lex looked a little manic and Clair fought not to flinch because he was right about the latter half. "See, that's why you cling to the idea that there's still some good in me. You don't wanna face the fact that you might have failed."  
   
Clair blinked a few times at the sudden sting in her eyes, "There _is_ good in you." She reached for him, but he casually leaned just out of her immediate range, so she dropped her hand, hurt on a very deep level she would never admit.  
  
He smiled, wide and shark like, "I let you think so but really, I'm just the person my father always knew I'd be, raised me to be. A monster. I let you play savior because it's fun to watch you flounder. I can't believe you've fallen for it for so long."  
  
Now that both hurt and angered her, "Maybe I can't believe someone would have so little willpower." She shot back.  
  
"It's hard to compete with the willpower it takes to kill one of your best friends." Lex lowered his voice to an intimate whisper, taunting and callous, "Your almost lover." He was close now, right in her space and she hardly noticed he was edging in after he already pulled away, "How did you know I was gonna come back like this? And who is Zod?"  
   
She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut. It might be time to distract him a little, talk him down before things went south, because she had the nagging sensation that she was running out of time, "Lex, you're in danger. Do you really think Fine just gave you those powers without wanting something substantial in return? He cares nothing about human life, nothing for anything but his own goals."  
   
Lex proved he could change the subject too. "I used to think you had this strong inner core. You were so virtuous." He reached out, making her blink rapidly when his fingers caressed under her eye and down her cheek softly before he retracted it. "And yet you lie _all the time_. To me, to all the people who cared about you. Even when you tell some secrets, it's never everything, never all of you! You hold back, keep people at a distance, people who would die to protect you. What kind of sick person would do that?"  
   
That, once again, hit a nerve. And she could not help noticing the past tense. "If you thought this friendship was so doomed then why did you fight to keep it?"  
   
"Because I wanted everything you had! The family and the inconspicuous life. Maybe I wanted to corrupt you, and, well, I also seem to remember someone coming crawling into my study telling me she wanted it all back. It's lonely when no one trusts you, isn't it? When people hold back or stay away because they know they can't trust you? But they have good reason in your case." He paused tapping his thigh with his fingers, "What was it Lana said to you? How being around you was dangerous?"

Lex turned, walking casually and slowly up the steps to the loft. He seemed relaxed but she knew him well enough to see a hidden agenda lurking under the surface even if she did not know what he was thinking. There was rage and hurt bubbling up in him and she did not know what to do about it. Her hands were shaking from nerves or from surfacing anger, she could no longer tell, but the shaking was spreading.  
  
Clair wanted to lash out so badly but she gathered herself back together with some effort, following his progress, "You're not yourself."

"Or maybe I finally am." He trailed to the desk and walked his fingers over the wood, inviting her eyes to follow.

When she saw the dagger perched near the edge where it had not been when she left, a gasp escaped her in a whoosh of horror. Papers she had hidden were on the desk as well, open for viewing. He did know her too well. She needed to stop hiding things in the loft, or at least stop putting things in the desk where they were so easy to find by anyone that knew where she spent much of her time.

"I'm going to take a wild guess based on the markings on the blade, that this blade is special. Something meant for a purpose? Like killing off a human altered to be... whatever you are? Or is this more like that knife found in the caves? It has some special property to it? I might believe that, but it's so distinct that I would have remembered seeing you with it at some point over our friendship. Thus, I conclude you don't get your abilities from it, but it is special." He turned, eyes intense and dark, "Have I been a fool? All this time? Have you always been with them, parading around as one of us only to destroy us one by one? Starting with the ones that have the misfortune to love you? We mortals unworthy to touch a visitor from the sky? Was it always a ploy, the sweet, innocent, caring facade?"

Now her whole body was trembling and it refused to stop, and she could not find her voice around a closed throat, so she shook her head frantically.

"Are we mortals part of some war? Forced to play games bigger than we have capacity to fight? Are we sport for all of you to play with like pieces on a chess block? Some more important, more valuable than others, but all expendable?" The knife found its way into his hand and he looked away from her at last to study it intently.

"No, you don't understand!" She choked out, fighting to breathe and speak.

"And how long has Chloe been in on your secrets? Or well, some of them, because you never tell anyone everything. Does she know you're the biggest freak her wall has ever known?" He did not look away from his study of the blade but she knew he was watching her from the corner of his eye.

Clair had never had a panic attack before but she thought she might be nearing one. Her chest was like a brick, lungs not working, head spinning, heart pumping too fast. This was her nightmares come to life. "Lex-"

"How long were you planning to hide what you are? Forever? Never planning to tell me?" His eyes flashed when he looked into her face, "You didn't trust me, not once, in all this time! What did I have to do to earn your trust? What is enough for you?"

"I do trust you!" She was beseeching him with her desperate tone and eyes.

"No, you never have! Not with more than a few pieces and crumbs." He was on her, eyes wide, gripping the back of her head in one hand, knife still clutched in his other.

"I trust you, I love you!" Her hands gripped at his coat, her body leaning into his, trying to offer trust. She wished she had told him everything rather than moving slowly, breaking her way into telling him.

Lex looked like she had struck him and his grip tightened. "Don't say that!" He screamed, gripping her hand, forcing the crystal handle into her palm, curling his fingers around hers to hold it there. She did not understand why he put it there and he almost did not seem to know either, but then he also did. "Just do what you need to. Get it over with." His words were calmer and resigned. "I can't look at you anymore."

Clair shook her head, jerking at his hold, trying to distance herself from the knife even though he struggled to keep it in her hand in response. "I'm not like them!" she screamed, "I'm not like them! I don't want to do this! I won't kill you! I won't kill anyone! Just because I was born Kryptonian doesn't make me like them! It's my choice what I become! They can't control me!"

"What if they could?" He asked, fingers still wrapped over the top of hers, calm and frantic at the same time, "What if you had no choice?"

"There is always a choice! We aren't our fathers!"

"We're both monsters! It is our destiny to fight! It was the plan all along, before we ever met! It's literally written on the walls!" And they were struggling again, running into things, twisting and spinning without direction. "I don't want to be the one that wins! You have to survive! Maybe you were right not to trust me, I'm the evil one! I'm your enemy, I was born to be! Anything else is a lie, and now we are equals, you have no advantage!"

Lex was trying to force her hand, she understood now. She thought he didn't quite know what to do with himself, hadn't known what he planned to do when she came to the barn, but he knew his future was bleak with some entity hanging over his head. Maybe he supposed he could save her if he let things happen the way everyone seemed to think they should.  He had heard enough to know something about Zod and he knew the old legend, so he added up the odds with what he knew.

They ended up on the floor, a tangle of limbs, Lex unresistant beneath her.

Her lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes as she gazed down at him, not really even holding the knife to his throat. Lex's expression softened and he reached up to wipe a spilling tear away.

Destiny. Maybe this was supposed to happen. Maybe he was right and the legend had been about Naman, Segeeth, and Zod's shadow from the start. Maybe Zod was the reason he would turn against her. She knew what he was thinking, knew his behavior had been born from real hurt and his foolish idea that he could force her hand and stop their destiny from destroying them both. He was a fool.

So she killed Lex? That was supposed to stop it? For how long? Until Fine came up with a new plan, and only til then. Jor-El even said it would stop at nothing. This was stalling and nothing more. She was supposed to murder the man she loved just to _stall_? No.

"You have it all wrong." The tears welled up so thick in her eyes that they just began to fall, splattering onto his face and neck. "Don't you understand? I can't live in a world without you. You gone, Lex, would be the same as death."

"We don't have options." He told her, cupping her face between both hands, wiping the steady drips of water away with his thumbs. "You should never have gotten close to me. It would have been easier for both of us if we never cared."

There was the distinct sound of something moving too fast, something disrupting the human world, and she looked up to see the AI arrive on the ground level. Fine eyed them as if in disinterest. "Do it, Clair." He said coldly, relaxed in the face of a situation where all his work could be lost. But he knew the truth when no one else did, he knew she loved the young Luthor. "Let's see if you're really your father's daughter."

Clair never hated him as much as she did in that moment. She wanted him gone forever, never to come back and destroy anything or anyone else. He needed to die and it seemed the most logical thing in the world when she remembered the feel of the blade in her hand. Her fingered curled, she jumped to her feet, drawing back and letting the blade sail. The point sunk deep into his chest, diving into his body all the way to the clear hilt.

Everything shifted in that moment. The air changed, the direction of the wind shifted, the world tilted the wrong way, and Fine looked too pleased for an entity that had been stabbed. Light was suddenly flowing and something twisted inside her. There had been enough times in her life that she had made exactly the wrong choice and she had learned the feeling, and she felt it now. Somehow she had miscalculated astronomically, or Fine had read her perfectly and manipulated her without her ever knowing. It was likely the latter. No one knew her like that particular enemy. Maybe he knew Jor-El just as well. She would never knowingly open a portal.

She felt bilious, "What have I done?"

Milton Fine had both arms spread to the side as if to welcome a dear friend even as he shook under an unknown force. "You've opened the portal for Zod." At least he was honest and told her plainly just how catastrophically she had slipped.

Lex moved beside her, then in front of her, like he wanted to shield her, but they both knew it was much too late. She tried to pull him away from danger but the red light was like a living force, pushing her from her goal. Blinding red was everywhere and she shielded her eyes, thinking it might be best if she never opened them again.

When the red hues of light faded she could do nothing but stare; stare at the scorched dirt where Fine had been and studying the way the man before her took breath. She wanted to cling to the hope that something had gone wrong for once, in her favor, and the transfer had failed. Tentatively she called his name, unable to stop herself even though she had no desire to hear what she feared would be the answer.  
  
At the sound of her voice her turned, and she knew with a sickening certainty. There was a way Lex moved, powerful, but understated and graceful, but innately Lexian in form. This man moved like one of the guards Lex used to have, all power and training, like he lived and breathed his job, a ridged sort of grace that let everyone know he was ready to kill on a moments notice. Still, she wanted to believe it was a lie brought on by hysteria.  
  
He looked at her, examining her with a clinical eye as he prowled toward her, and it was all wrong. He came near and then went just a little further, up a step on the ledge to elevate him and force her to tip her head to hold his gaze. Not Lex, her brain screamed, but still she stayed rooted in place.  
  
When he reached for her, too quickly, fingers more like talons ready to claw than caress her cheek, she instinctively flinched away. Again, it was all wrong. Lex never reached for her that way. At least the stranger did hesitate at her reaction, pulling back the impulsive hand he had extended. He never broke contact with her eyes, though his seemed a bit darker now. She felt sick, so sick.  
  
"You have your father's eyes." He told her smoothly, without preamble, like it was the most natural thing to tell her.  
  
For the impact of the words, even though she already knew the truth, it might as well have been a blow, sharp and painful.   
  
"Hello, Kara-El." And there was almost a smile, but not really. The name rolled more smoothly off his tongue than it did anyone else, like it was one natural word run seamlessly together on Lex's tongue, almost with an accent, but it still wasn't Lex.  
  
God, he knew her name! The other two knew her name but not her face, he seemed to know both. She might actually be sick. She wanted to be sick but she didn't know how that would work. Clair blinked quickly a few times to abate the sudden sting in her eyes. Very slightly, her knees wavered but she hoped she hid it well. Still, words tumbled out of her hopefully, determined to know, like maybe she could still fix this, "Where is Lex?"  
  
"Lex is dead." He informed her of it like he might have told her the cafeteria was out of chocolate pie.  
  
Something in her hardened, perhaps her backbone, because she wanted to rage and claw his eyes out - though she would never hurt Lex's body - but she squared her shoulders instead. She would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that upset her. He would never know how her chest ached fiercely to listen to those words coming from foreignly familiar lips. He could never know. She would not let him. Besides, that was what they always said, but this was Lex and he would be in there somewhere, ready to come out once she got rid of Zod. She would focus and she would get them through it!  
  
"Why are you here?"  
  
"For the same reason as anyone who'd been imprisoned like a beast." He was decidedly calm, maybe even reasonable, not the frothing monster she expected, but there was a daggers edge hidden just under the surface of his words and she could do nothing but wait to see it. "Revenge." And there it was, though he still seemed calm, nearly amused.  
  
They stared one another down a moment longer before he turned to examine his surroundings, like he was bored of their stalemate. He might actually be interested in what he saw if it was his first time seeing it all. In a human jail there was little to do or see so he might have been reveling in the moment.  
  
"Your father banished me to an eternal hell." Zod mused, disconcertingly at ease, though she could see how even at ease his posture was ready, like so many coiled springs poised to unleash pain, "Trying to save a doomed race. And in the end, the only survivor of his pathetic crusade..." now there was some anger seeping in, it showed in his eyes as well when he turned back to her "was his daughter."  
  
She could feel the venom and it made her instinctively want to back away, but she refused. The danger was rippling under the surface of him like it wanted out but refused to leave. Looking at him, one of her own race under the human shell, she could almost be amazed. It was somewhat tempting to let him tell her more but she knew she could not trust his word any more than she had been able to trust Fine's ramblings.    
  
She had a mission anyway, now that she failed the first one, so she edged closer rather than fleeing, "Then this is between us. These people did nothing to harm you."  
  
"No," he conceded a little darkly, "but you feel no pain greater than to see others in agony."

She lifted her chin automatically, perturbed, "You presume to know me?" That sounded like Lex.

The edges of his lips twitched up, "I know all that I could need to."  
  
"You know nothing about me!" She was being combative and that might not be her best avenue.

"On the contrary. I know you had feelings for this human, which will help in the future. I know that you have a softness for all humans, but there are some you are particularly partial to." She hoped the color had not drained from her face the way she felt it had, but he looked so deeply into her eyes she doubted she hid anything.God. She could not handle this but she did not even have a choice.

"I won't let you destroy this planet like you did Krypton." She declares factually, leaving no room for argument, but of course he did anyway.  
  
"You don't have a choice." And it's also a statement of fact. His eyes flicked over her face for the barest of seconds and she realized they were standing a bit too close, but backing away would look weak. "Unless you join me." And she almost missed his addendum, but not quite, though she couldn't believe his nerve.  
  
"Join you? You just said you intended to destroy everything. What would there be to join?" Her own venom was starting to show with the curl of disgust in her upper lip. She looked him dead in the eye and spoke with conviction, "I'll never join you!"  
  
Zod in Lex's body was quiet a moment, not looking angered nor surprised, but then he stepped behind her to look over the barn and it was a relief not to have been the one to move since she couldn't afford to tip her hand to her discomfort. There was a strained quiet that fell on them but she had no idea what to say that would suddenly make things better.  
  
"Are you certain that is the wisest decision, Kara-El? I hope you realize that such a choice would be your end. The end of your freedom."  
  
Is she certain? About never following him, absolutely, but anything else, not particularly. But he did not give her very long to think over an answer before he spun around and landed a sharp blow to the unprotected neck she so stupidly offered by not keeping her guard up. She gagged, unprepared, staggering. It hurt, making her vision black, and she stumbled in her attempt to move away. She stumbled right into him because she couldn't get her eyes to focus. She cried out before she could stop herself when his hand clamped on her uninjured side, pinching nerves she did not know she had. The world faded with humiliating speed as the pain got the best of her. She had not been prepared for Lex to hurt her.

There was water under her, filling up her mouth with it's dusty taste. Disoriented, she pushed herself onto her hands and knees. She must have been around a lot of water considering she could see herself in every puddle, various versions of herself wavering with the motion of the sheets of water.

"Just stay down." An overly familiar voice told her, so familiar she swore she must have been talking to herself, offering herself advice. Probably good advice.

The position Clair was next aware of was less than dignified, stretched uncomfortably over Lex's shoulder, held there by his grip on her legs. Her hair was in her face, swaying and getting into her eyes. The hot leather coat pressed into her cheek was uncomfortable, but it served to remind her the man carrying her was much less Lex than she would like. Her feet began to kick without thought and fingers clamped like a vice on a muscle in her calf, sending pain through the nerves in half her body. She cried out before she thought to clamp down on the weakness but she stilled completely in hopes of making it stop. Until now, she never knew her people had pressure points, she assumed it was a human deficiency since none of hers had ever been hit. It was very clear what fighting an opponent that knew a Kryptonian's biology was more of a challenge than she would have first supposed.

Within a moment she found herself tossed flat on her back, looking up at familiar beams and expensive woodwork, the leather sofa supporting her as... Zod marched toward Lex's desk. He began tapping at the keys of the laptop Fine had infected before he withdrew an obviously Kryptonian item from his pocket. Clair rolled into a sitting position, surprised but undeterred by the soreness in her neck.

"What are you doing?" She asked as she moved to her feet, wondering toward him but watching for any sign he might move quickly in her direction. When the device in his hand lit up and made noise when he touched it she realized in was a computer of some kind as well, or at least it was not a hunk of metal, whatever it was. It came alive for him, twirling in place as she watched, drawn closer from curiosity. The laptop came back to life, with some obvious alterations and the overhead lights flickered to life.

"It would take days if not weeks for the human's to restore their rudimentary systems of power." He looked into her slightly awed eyes and looked overly pleased with himself.

"Why did you bring it back?" Clair was nothing if not practical, and last she checked, there had been a reason Fine destroyed the technological systems of the city, so why would Zod undo all that?

"I needed to acquire information." He told her simply. They both watched as the computer flickered through various pages until it finally landed and zeroed in on what unfortunately looked a lot like the Pentagon. How did someone that had never visited the planet know where the human centers of power were? Unless it was all thanks to the AI? She hated that rotten walking computer.

"The black ship would have sent a pulse around the world reshaping its crust." Zod informed her with a side-eyed look, "But you destroyed the Interactive Construct."

"Pity." She muttered under her breath.

He snatched up her wrist, holding it hard in his fingers until the bones shifted to accommodate, but she grit her teeth and held her expression neutral, "With the ships hard drive I will use military satellites to send the pulse."

"Why are you reshaping the crust?" She ground out.

"To start an empire, ruled by the bloodline of Zod. Resurrect Krypton and make it perfect."

"How-" Clair caught herself before she finished considering she very nearly said; 'how stupid are you'. So she revised it into something far more diplomatic, "How is that going to help you? Everything on earth will die under Kryptonian conditions, leaving no food, no sustainable resources. What exactly would be left to rule over? With Fine gone, you already lost most of your technology and there is no planet to replenish your supply. Our people are dead and even if I 'join' you, that leaves you ruling a grand total of one. A lifeless planet is useless to any ruler!" His eyes were flint but she persisted, afraid the opportunity to reason with him would be lost if she waited, "And why kill everything off? No plants and no animals means no food. No humans means not having a people to rule, leaving you to sit on a worthless throne in a second dead planet."

"Might makes right, only the strong survive. The strongest will endure even the harshest of change, leaving me with only the best."

"And if nothing survives that sudden of a planetary shift you are left here to starve, king of nothing."

He smiled, predatory but amused, "And what are you suggesting I do instead? Leave everything as it is?"

"It might not be what you're used to, but you might try it and find out you like it. I've lived here and I've done just fine. There are already places on earth similar to our planet but they are uninhabited, proving that a planetary shift like that would destroy all life in existence. Unless you have some kind of kit that instantly grows everything new and ready to function, you might think about slowing down. You could at least plan ahead."

These evil, planetary types never did think very far ahead, too intent on regaining everything they thought they had been deprived of. Damn the consequences and full speed ahead. Idiots, the lot of her people. All those technological advances must have slowed their actual brain power. They prided themselves so much on being above everything but they could not see a foot in front of them.

"You are assuming I cannot control the details of the alterations. Do you think I cannot select and preserve some aspects of my choice."

"I doubt you can control enough of it for it to matter in the long run. Changing the entire ecosystem is going to have massive consequences, not only to earth but to other planets near us. Earth isn't Krypton! If you change anything, alter it, the planet won't survive. The sun and the moon hold things in balance and if you change the planet, those too will change." She was determined to get his brain working. "Something like this is as good as dooming us both. We can't just hop to another planet every time one dies, the options will run out very fast. At least on this planet you have great powers thanks to the yellow sun, and on others you would be no different from any other inhabitant."

"You really are so like your father. Always taking up a cause." He leaned into her and it seemed unpleasantly intimate, but his hold on her wrist gentled, "If you are obedient, vowing loyalty to me, I could save those humans you hold most dear while the rest perish around us, languishing at our feet. You could be at my side rather than at my feet as Krypton is reborn."

This absolute idiot! Did not listen to a word she said! And what kind of disturbing offer was he making? Saving some humans while the rest died around her offered a very unpleasant mental picture. Though, if he would take a list of those she would save, she would make it a very long list indeed. Any and every human she had ever known the name of. Actually, she would even include her old enemies. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and having someone end the world sort of seemed like the thing to make that happen.

Honestly, as far as evil offers went, Alexander's had been far more appealing. Still, she was no fool. "And if you let them live, what would they be? Your slaves?"

"They would belong to you, as a gift."

Because that was romantic. She had the distinct feeling her was trying to woo her.

She could hear her father's skeptical voice screaming in her ear about gifts from a Luthor, "And what is the price for a gift like that?"

"I believe the Brain-Interactive-Construct decided on this body because of your connection to it. Bonding with unwilling partners is far more difficult, so a familiar face would greatly ease the process."

Bonding? Like chemical bonding? Glue you to my side kind of bonding? Those were far more appealing options than a few others that might have something to do with alien courtship options. He said unwilling partners were more difficult, but obviously not impossible. Why did that sound decidedly like something she never wanted to think about? She hated her race! She also hated how little fundamental knowledge she had about them.

"You will be more at ease with this body as my vessel. We are the last of our race and your are my only equal, thus a logical choice for re-population and rebirth of our race."

Oh, she was right, she never wanted to hear any of that. She really hated that AI.

The horror must have shown plainly on her face because he gave her a very patient look and let her go when she backed against the built in bookcases. "Our people are different from humans but I will teach you all you need to know. You are free to ask me any questions you wish. You were so young when Jor-El sent you away that I know you remember very little. I can teach you our customs and our ways. There will be time for you to learn now, with me."

"I have to feed the cows." She announced suddenly, because it had been the only thing that came to mind as far as excuses to leave, and she was really quite intent to do so.

When she tried to rush past him, he grabbed her arm, speaking calmly into her ear, "I know of your feelings of this human. His feelings for you were also very strong. I could taste them when I consumed his essence. If it helps you adjust, I will allow you to call me by his name for a time."

How terribly accommodating, letting her talk to Lex's body and make believe. The offer made her feel that much more numb because she had been trying so hard to fix in her mind that his face might be the face of the man she loved, the voice the same, but he was now Zod. Her feelings were buried under every defense she could muster, under every shield, because she might fall over dead from emotional anguish otherwise. But if he had consumed him, did that mean Lex was in there somewhere, running through Zod's proverbial veins? She dared not hope for reality might be too crushing.

"I need to feed the cows... and the horses." She reiterated more urgently as she pulled away, and this time he let her leave.

She left at the speed of light, very intent on getting to Jor-El for any potential advice he might have to offer. He might not be pleased with her for disobeying but a common enemy did wonders for getting past a grudge. She also considered finding Bart and AC because she could really, really use a little help! Not to mention she very badly needed to find out where her parents were, and Lois, since she had been with them. Checking on Chloe was also added to the list. There were so many people and so little time! Jor-El first, then the rest, she needed to make a check list.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I wouldn't retell but I admit that I stole a lot from the Zod episode, so much stealing, because I loved the episode and I felt like some stuff needed to stay. I'm sorry for my actions! (And I decided Lionel rather than Lana would have been how Lex learned a bit about kryptonite. Clair would take a long time to get around to telling him about that stuff and for once the man could try to help his kid)


	6. Zod.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still really long, sorry. But now you know why I had to 5.2 it. And even then a good chunk of the next chapter was supposed to be part of this one, but I decided to cut it off to shorten the chapter.  
> Since the chapters are like, double halves or whatever, you get a secondary song too. For Good Grief I like the Live at Capitol Studios version best but that's just me.

Circus for a Psycho-Skillet

Good Grief-Bastille

* * *

There was never much life to the Luthor Mansion, nothing to indicate it was a home rather than something to showcase, but it had never seemed as devoid of even a semblance of life as it did with no staff. While Clair, being less than human, never felt the cold as acutely as most inhabitants of the planet would, there was a penetrating chill to every stone. The sun shone but it did not seem capable of warming the stones making up the structure skeleton.

Even the plants seemed less vivid, faded, or on their way to fading. Perhaps that was what the new world would really be like under the ruthless thumb of Zod. It was an empty existence and it had no business spreading its clutches over the earth. One destroyed world was frankly too many.

In her progress, her gradual sinking into the belly of the beast, she took painstaking care to move without any hints of sound, waiting for the dragon to spring around any of the numerous corners. She was a bit surprised to find no trace of Zod, unless he was just that much better at concealment than she was. It was possible that he was skilled enough but she doubted anyone could hide a beating heart from her. If they ever played a game, potentially of a more deadly nature than the children's version, of hide and seek, she suppose they would be at an equal disadvantage with their skill set as a guide.

Pressing unease had settled in about the time she decided to return to the mansion. While she had felt a bit of distance particularly of great need she had neglected to envision what he might do in her absence until she was on her way to face it anew. A world destroying monster really was not the sort of being she should have left unattended and she realized her particular brand of stupidity with perpetually broadening regret.

His absence, ill omen as it was, allowed her to hide the dagger in the sofa where she might be able to get to it quickly if she really had to. The desk had been her other choice but that seemed a place he might actually search through, so she decided against it.Seeing as she failed the first time she doubted she would work up the nerve to kill him, or more aptly, to kill Lex's body, but everyone was still very set on the dagger as the answer.

Chief among the list; Jor-El, as expected, with his indignation and lofty, superior I-told-you-so kind of anger that she had the nerve to allow her emotions rule. Sometimes he really sounded like Lionel, or Lionel sounded like him, either way.Though honestly, he could have told her the dagger was linked to the fortress before hand, so, in a sense, it was his fault for not offering full disclosure to keep her from stabbing someone else. Lionel would at least have considered that in the realm of potentials.

Her body took her on a pacing trip all over the mansion once she had the blade hidden because she had too much nervous energy and nothing to take it out on without an enemy in the house. If her people died of heart problems she decided she was well on her way to the grave. But she had a few ideas, a few theories to occupy her. She planned to test the alterations of Lex's body.

Opening a few cabinets in his bathroom, she scanned labels and found anything with sleep inducing chemicals and gathered it all. She even stole his mouthwash for good measure. Pills turned to dust in her grasp and she was very liberal with introducing that into every single bottle in the office. Lex drank with regularity and she hoped at least muscle memory would drive him to the liquor. Sedatives did not really work on her but Lex was not born Kryptonian, he was chemically altered, which might mean he did not have her fortitude. She considered trying meteor rock but decided against it in the event it did nothing and left her that much more at his mercy. No thank you. She might be of a mind to gamble but that was a little too much of a risk for her taste.

If drugging him failed, at least she had made the effort to do something. In the event she actually had to stab him she also knew she could not do it if he was awake and looking at her with those molten, liquid steel blue eyes that could be so veiled but could also reveal so very much. Even possessed, they were still his eyes. She could never look at him and take his life. She did not know if she would rather the drugs were ineffective or not but she would decide when it came to that. She also considered feeding him as many odd things as she could find on the off chance an intergalactice visitor had allergies, though she doubted Lex could simply sneeze Zod out, it was another very off the wall potential that crossed her desperate mind.

Clair wondered into every inch of the mansion looking for inspiration to strike. She considered running to the Pentagon but decided against the thought. There was no telling where Zod had gone. The government facility was sure but he could have been there and gone in seconds. He had not shared his own to-do list with her but she supposed she might need to get him to. She would need to play her cards like a Luthor now more than ever before if she planned to save anyone at all.

Speaking of Luthor's, maybe Lionel had some good drugs to use. She could search his house if what she used did absolutely nothing. She would never believe he did not make a regular habit of drugging people, she just knew he did. If he drugged his son, why not anyone that toed his line of discomfort.

There had to be ways to fix the situation and testing theories at least made her feel less numb for the lack of ready solutions. Jor-El said to put aside her grief and she supposed he was correct. Still, she hated him, not for the first time, for his lack of answers other than ones that would rip her heart from her chest. It did not help that he offered not one shred of comfort or empathy. There had been no emotional response at all to her blurted revelation that Zod intended to have her carry children for him which really rankled her. All he had really done was tell her to do the exact same thing he told her to the first time, with the added information that he had already sent her mother and unconscious father along with an equally injured Lois to do the deed for her. That explanation extinguished her questions of how and why she had found her father and friend in the cave.

Letting her mother march off to a grim fate was not an option, though when she returned to the farm, hot to stop an ill-fated mission, she found her mother and Lionel Luthor, of all people. Neither one of them looked particularly well and both were rather bloody. When they saw her they looked like the problems of the world had been lifted from them because their saving grace had returned, which in turn made her feel heavier, and ill.

Like a hero returned, they hugged her, kissing her cheeks like both were her family. Lionel was wise enough to pull away after he received her side-eyed glare that warned of fading restraint not to toss the eldest Luthor across the barn. The world had fallen apart on both of them, so she understood how they could vote her in to fix what they could not. It was only human.

One real look into her mother's eyes told Clair all she needed to know about her mother's fraying grasp on the world, and about her head injury. Martha insisted she would save her daughter from the inevitable blood on her hands. Her parents were protective to extreme levels and sometimes that made things harder. In the face of that she had little choice but to take the knife and tuck it under her shirt. She had to play the logical one, explaining gently and slowly exactly why it clearly should be the person with powers. She put Lionel in explicit charge of keeping her mother on the farm and keeping her unconscious father there as well in the event he came around. The latter was a bit more dangerous of a job and she felt absolutely no guilt at all for assigning him the task, which made her almost feel guilty.

By the time she extricated herself from a likely concussed - though no less formidable a force - Martha Kent, she was verging on emotional. It took Chloe to literally shake her back into coherency. Chloe was very good at that, good at being the real voice of reason, and it helped that she once again had her own feet under her thanks to the cured virus leaving things to normalize.

Clair was slipping though and she knew it, knew the moment after she realized Lex was lost to her. She heard him, frantically calling her name more than once in her exploration of the mansion but she knew it was all in her morbidly wishful imagining, he was gone and no matter how many times she heard him calling, it changed nothing. There was only so much her sanity could endure and she was coming up on that line. Lex, she was forced to admit, was gone. His body was nothing better than an animated corpse and she owed him the removal of the monster wearing his skin. She owed him so very much more than that but there was nothing else she could do, if she could do it.

Part of her had considered the validity of Zod's offer to let her pretend he was Lex. If she lost herself to such a lie, simply pretended Lex was still with her, she thought it might be worth... but then she called back her sanity, struggled from the brink of something she could slip into, a dark place she had no right to fall within. Though she knew, in her heart of hearts, she could never come back from what she might be about to do. In her grief after the fact, she was admittedly unsure what she might do.

Clair wandered to that spare room they found themselves in one night, tangled together and hiding under blankets from all the things in the world they did not want to face. Right about now she could use that again, there under the blanket with the real Lex.

The front door opened and shut. Zod did not even try to be subtle, clomping down the halls like he was the natural owner rather than the usurper. Closing her eyes in dread, she slipped back out of their room, shutting the door so he could not claim that memory. She trailed his progress in total, deliberate silence, catching glimpses of his back now and then. He looked particularly determined and set in his mission. She would need to distract him from that likely nefarious intent.

He was standing in the doorway to the office by the time he noticed her and pulled himself from whatever musing of darkness he had been about. He turned his head, eyes widening marginally as he focused on her. The surprise faded quickly, rather like it would have from Lex's face. Controlled emotion was a trait they seemed to share. The shift of open emotion slipping away into neutral was so very Lex. It would be easy to forget, so easy, as long as he never spoke of Krypton or destruction again. They were similar enough, careful in their ways, eloquent, and guarded.

"You returned." Lex, no, no, Zod set a metal case by the door and she looked quickly away from the blood and scorch marks on the silver to fix her eyes to the safer zone of his chest, "Does this mean you accept my offer?"

Her stomach knotted up as he placed a hand on either of her shoulders, gentle and surprisingly without threat. "I am... considering..."

Pulling her to him, he pressed his lips to hers. It shocked her how easily she let him, how unresistant she was to familiar soft lips, and worst of all, how she leaned into him when his arms came around her. She hated herself but she knew every touch was another goodbye. It was weakness. Any one of her list of friends and family would have told her so, reminding her that he was gone and she had a task for the safety of the world, but it was hard to focus when her heart hurt so badly and begged her to fall into a painless method of drowning in forgetful death.

"I understand that this is difficult for you. I too lost the ones I loved long ago, in Kandor, far before Krypton fell. I know the pain and confusion of such things. You remind me of those times." He told her quietly as he wiped away tears she had not noticed spilling from her eyes, "Give it some time. It will grow easier to take in and the pain will fade." Zod was almost more understanding than Jor-El had been, and that was somewhat pathetic.

"I..." She had nothing at all to say but she had already begun so she had to find something, "Who did you loose?"

"My wife and child."

Suddenly she had to wonder if her father played any sort of part in that, and maybe that was where their feud really began. If so, what better revenge could there be than to take the child of your enemy as a replacement? That made some twisted kind of sense. It made her feel no less queasy but she really thought it might make sense. He must have known of the fortress, and even if it was an AI, he must know Jor-El would know.  Technically neither of them had their real selves left intact. Revenge was best served cold, as they said. It meant she might have something to work with if she could just be enough of a Luthor. "Maybe you're right. I need time to process."

"We can discuss it." He ushered her to the sofa sitting her beside him like he planned to have a long talk. All she could really focus on was the case he had left at the door, temporarily forgotten, which was very good. "As the last survivors of our race, you must see that we owe our people this, the continuation of our blood. We can resurrect our race from the ashes to begin fresh."

Like Jor-El, Zod had a lot of nerve, pinning something like that on her. It was always for the good of the would. "Rule them with strength" and now "for the survival of our race." How did they come up with these things? It was always inexplicably up to her to perform some grand gesture that she did not actually support in the slightest.

"We wouldn't need to build it from the ashes if you hadn't killed everyone!" She had not intended to yell out her real opinion but sometimes her filter glitched; that was starting off more like a Kent than a Luthor.

Zod smiled, but it was not pleasant. There were times Lex had smiled like that as well but she had never seen the look directed at her before. It made her instinctively scoot farther down the couch. "I used to command an army, did you know that?" He asked conversationally, but it seemed like the sort of question placed before a threat. "I maintained order by right of strength and courage. I did not allow any to question me or disobey without repercussion." He spoke calmly, just the way Lex would have, belying the inevitable trap waiting to spring shut. "We do not know each other well, yet, and you are young and unused to order." Leaning forward to tuck an errant hair behind her ear was a deceptive mask of motion before he snatched her up by the throat, jumping to his feet and bringing her along.

Clair hardly struggled, kicking at his legs with little effort and simply gripping his arm for leverage. Without her feet beneath her she really only had his hand to ground her which left her at a distinct disadvantage but it simply was not enough to drive away the irrational calm, or perhaps the apathy she felt at the inevitable. He was hurting her and she should care but all she was really intent on was glaring at him. She did not feel panicked, just angry because she knew he was trying to establish dominance and she just did not feel like offering compliance.

"But I can assure you, you will learn quickly under my supervision. I can be very patient but it is best if we establish the boundaries sooner rather than later to avoid confusion." His tone was still easy, unhurried and lax. "First rule; you will respect my authority at all times. I do not tolerate anything less than full respect. Second; you will always obey me. Third; you will always follow my orders promptly. If you follow those rules, our time together will be without issue." Without preamble, he dropped her to her knees on the floor and re-took his seat like a king to a throne.

There would be marks on her neck after that, distinct finger shaped marks. "I've always believed you had to tell it like it is even if the other person didn't like what you said,  telling them what they did not want to hear. It's cowardly to nod and go along with someone just to avoid their anger. I don't back down easily when I know I'm right." She looked up from her study of the floor, eyes hard with determination, "And I'm right. You will destroy another world if you keep this up and I doubt either of us would survive the second one. You can tell me all about the past but if you don't learn from your own past, history is meaningless. Lex always enjoyed history and what it could teach us about the future."

"You are spirited, I will give you that. I was a soldier and I could easily kill you. While you are skilled you were never taught to kill as I was, which makes you no match for me, yet you still dare to offer challenge." He seemed mildly impressed.

"You can't continue our race if you kill me, now can you?" Clair lifted her chin a fraction higher, challenging him to deny it.

He chuckled darkly but did not refute her claim.

"You should know that I will never support your mission to destroy the human race. Nothing you can say will alter my stance on that issue."

"You mean... the humans that would hunt you down, ones that would turn on you, or trap you in a lab walled off a few hundred feet underground... those are the creatures you have decided to dedicate yourself to?"

She lost the ability to swallow even though she felt her throat working ineffectually. Zod knew, he had at least some of Lex's memory, and he knew what she had told Lex so long ago about her fears. Even if that was the only memory he accessed it was one too many. That conversation had been private, something shared with Lex and only Lex, but now Zod ripped into it like a grave robber. He had Lex's body, why did he have to steal his memories as well?

As if encouraged by her silence, he leaned forward, calculating and watchful, forcing her to blank her expression as best she could, "You dedicate yourself to the greater good, but at the same time, you deceive those you love the most... Why would that be if you did not, on some deep level, know that even those closest to you would fear you? Because they will never understand you, and how could they? None in your world has ever been your equal and they could hardly be expected to overlook that. I wager even your adoptive family has had moments of doubt, of hesitation, of fear, for your power is so beyond them, they could not be expected to trust you. I wonder..."

Traitorous as ever, her mind produced a rapid fire list of every time her parents told her no. She was not allowed to play tennis because she might hit too hard; not allowed to cheer because she might hurt someone on the squad, not allowed on the swim or track team because she might be too fast; not allowed in gymnastics because she would be too good and it would not be fair; not allowed to play soccer because she might hurt someone on the team. On that last one she had actually disobeyed and joined the team, and Jonathan had not been pleased. The man that was supposed to be proud of her looked at her like she was committing murder, which he seemed to believe would be the end result. Lex came to quite a few of her games though, supporting her more than her own family, which was nice even if it stung as much as it felt good. Lex knew what it was like not to have familial support on his side, so he did what he could. It wasn't fair that Zod knew that because he had no right to look.

Zod persisted, seemingly amused, "I wonder how many times you saw a flash of fear in their eyes that they were too slow to cover up, or how many little things they did each day that let you know they _never would_ trust you?" Like maybe when she was on Red K or told her father she could float? Like those times? Right.

That burned like a blazing torch to the heart because he was absolutely correct, the sort of infallible precision Lex would have shown. Lex could pry open her weak points well enough without an alien megalomaniac pulling strings, but she gathered all her fortitude not to reveal her own pain to offer him a bitter smile, "It must be nothing compared to the looks on the faces of so many in Krypton when they witnessed the monster you truly are shining forth."

This time he did not rise to her bait but he smirked, knowing and self assured. "The humans are right to fear you, and they would be right to fear us both for there is no limit to what we could achieve as a joined, united front. The last daughter of Krypton and Zod."

Time to think and negotiate like a Luthor, time for eloquence, she decided. "That is true. As a united front we could do great things for the galaxy. But why should it be a thing to fear when it could be something much better?" She gentled her voice and her tone, "We could restore faith in Krypton's people, not by bloodshed and destruction, but by redemption. I admit, my sins have been many on this planet, as yours were many in the past. I have regrets. But we could change everything for the better, redeem ourselves together." She shifted off the floor and back onto the couch. "We could rule with not only strength, but justice. We could create a utopia of peace and security. If we did that we would be well loved rather than hated and feared."

"Loved by the humans?" He scoffed, "Even if you were not vastly overestimating their potential for logic and goodwill, why would I have any wish for the esteem of such low lifeforms?"

"They are not low lifeforms! They have great potential! Just because they are not as technologically advanced as we once were does not mean they are of lesser value. We only have power because of the yellow sun. Under a red sun we would be no different from any of them."

"We would always be different from them." He cocked his head, eying her intently, seriously, speaking in an intense sort of whisper that grabbed attention better than a raised voice, "Even if you cannot see it, they would. It is that little feeling inside of you that has persisted all your life, that difference you sense. They can sense it too, do not fool yourself! By some you would be worshiped, your abilities giving you power over life, death, and time, things they are bound by. A god who rips decisions from the hands of fate... but most would only see the threat or the potential to further their own gain." He lowered his voice again, as if speaking softly was more natural for him. "By my side you will no longer have to be worried about their envy or their fear. You would no longer be alone, but you would be by the side of someone equal with you."

Her mind could not help taking note of the uncanny ability Zod shared with Lex to burrow under her skin and hit all her normally guarded vulnerabilities, though if he stole memories from Lex it was understandable. There was no way to tell how much understanding about her Lex had gleaned and never shared, or never used to hurt her like he was capable of, offering her the kindness of silence. It made her ache for missing him.

Clair lifted her chin again, staring down the man behind the familiar face. She had someone, an equal, before he stole him away. "I have no equal." She informed him blithely, because she didn't, not anymore. Zod was not her equal, he was just a Kryptonian that destroyed all he touched. Strength without heart was meaningless. They would never be the same and they would never understand each other. They shared nothing but blood.

His lips split into a wide smile that did nothing to comfort, "I can see you will be a challenge, Kara-El."

"I have been told that I am difficult." She told him smartly.

He frowned a little in a familiar manner of befuddlement, "I have the strongest urge to kiss that expression off your face."

Clair could only stare at him, frozen and not able to breathe, her attempts coming out ugly and strangled. Lex had said those words to her before, only with a good deal more fondness. They had been arguing about dresses and she had been secretly happy. He dedicated his day to her, a second shopping trip to a place with far better service and far more privacy. There were few times in her life when she felt carefree and honestly, exorbitantly happy. Lex always made her feel the giddy, bubbly happiness. It was nice.

She had been voting for a dress and he had been voting against. According to him, it made her look too grown up, which she argued was rather the point.

"No, no, it makes you look too..." Lex paused, searching for words in a rare show of actually not having something perfectly diplomatic fall off his tongue automatically, "not worldly... just too grown up."

"It's not revealing and it's not too short, and it doesn't show of my stomach." Those were her main qualifications.

He arched a perfect brow at her, "You cannot tell me you think you are fat!"

"No, I'm built." She played it up, trying to joke about her very well known image, "Like a linebacker football player, or a construction worker, either way."

Most of the dresses were tight enough to show her muscles and she knew that wasn't attractive. Men wanted feminine soft curves, not defined muscle. She came to terms with her lack of appeal but that didn't mean she showcased it.

Scoffing, he shook his head, "On no planet would anyone say that! No one with eyes anyway."

"No, says everyone in my high school. I was never considered the pretty girl, I was the farm girl and I looked it, which is fine." She countered.

She was well aware she was no Victoria's secret model. Actually, she could not even wear most of the styles in the brand. They didn't fit and she tended to rip all the lace or thin, pretty fabric. Lana and Chloe could wear them and she was once very envious. Though Lois apparently could not always wear them considering her cup size, and that oddly made Clair exceedingly pleased. It was amazing what one learned when they lived with someone in their house too long.

"High school is a den of hormonal liars trying to feel better about their own lack of importance. Never let that shape you." but he continued, pointing out various dresses. "That one is all wrong because it shows too much leg and cleavage and I would be forced to carry a bat to my reunion just to keep the horde away. The blue one is made to be form fitting like a second skin and that one _does_ make you look worldly. The red one you like makes you look like you haven't been around a lot, but you have been around, and you're up for adventure." He shook his head, "The black one though, takes the cake. That one is the kind of dress the guys that go for submissive, punishment rolls would come panting to you for, asking to lick your boots."

At her absolutely scandalized look he burst out laughing, an honest, real, deep laugh. He had offered much too much information into the male mind for her liking and she very much thought she could have done without any of the mental pictures. Though, he had been around enough of the party and the posh crowds to know what he was telling her, so she would reluctantly believe him.

"You are so innocent, Clair." Lex chuckled, bright smile on his face, shaking his head.

Indignation flashed brightly inside her and both his brows arched when he looked at her. He always seemed to know what she was thinking. His hands raised in a surrender but his smile never faded in the least, so she knew he was not sorry.

"Not the right word, I see. You're eyes are so expressive!" Lex leaned forward, the smile fading a little as he stared into her face, "When you look at me like that, I have the strongest urge to kiss that expression off your face."

"What?" Clair asked, gaining a little whiplash from that sudden turn of conversation.

"Let me..." His body tipped forward even more, his breaths going shallow and eyes hooded, bringing them very close, "will you let me kiss you?"

She could hardly refuse such a polite request, now could she? Manners were very important and refusing would be rude. When he asked her that way she did not want to refuse him anything. Not with that little wrinkle of focus on his brow and that serious, longing look in his eyes.

He might have helped her out of a dress after that, and then back into another. The things they gave her as undergarments for the fitting room mainly covered everything - probably because they were afraid she would get something dirty with her farm girl hands, though they did not expressly say that. The touching was innocent enough, all mostly under the parameters of zipping zippers and smoothing or adjusting material, save his lips traveling wetly along her shoulders, neck, ears, chin, and lips. Her knees went weak when he sucked on her earlobe; his lips dragged feather light over her skin; his tongue sent pleasant fire through her nerves; she had the wanting sensation again but it frightened her less the second time since she knew they would not take anything far in a public place.

Eventually things might go somewhere dangerous, but not yet. They were safe from each other for a little while more. Though the increasing frequency of their closer encounters indicated that things were building, but she could not bring herself to care. Some day they would cross lines they could not retreat from but they could enjoy the foreplay until that time came. His hands felt like warm summer days, his body pressed closer was the sun, and his mouth was nothing short of diving into a cool lake to refresh. She felt anything but innocent but she was happy and he was relaxed the way he never was with anyone other than her. He was perfect and she never wanted anything but this. She was happier than she remembered being for a long, long time and maybe he was too.

"I love you." Lex whispered, so softly she doubted she was meant to hear it, and wouldn't have if not for her enhanced hearing.

"I love you more." She whispered back, almost as softly before she curled her arms around his torso and buried her face in his neck to simply bask in his scent.

He nuzzled his face into her hair, running the tips of his fingers over exposed skin he found on her back around the neckline. "I like this dress."

"Me too." Not that she remembered what it looked like, not having paid attention, but she liked it because of how she felt in the moment, and maybe she would remember the feelings any time she saw it.

"Guess we found the one we want." He muttered, and she thought maybe he meant more than the dress.

"Yeah... I think we did. Took us long enough." Clair planted a lingering, warm kiss below his ear that made him shiver.

"Finding the right one is hard, it takes time, and you have to find the wrong ones first so you recognize it when it comes along."

Fingers wiped at her cheeks, bringing her back to the real world and out of her pleasant memory. It seemed she had let a tear or two slip past her defenses again and Lex, his body with careful fingers, had taken care of the evidence for her. Lex knew how she hated for anyone to see her cry, he knew everything. She felt the loss almost more keenly, too keenly for her to stand, when something so true to the man she knew shined out from the farce that had stolen everything from them both.

Zod looked puzzled, or annoyed, mumbling, "His feelings for you truly were strong, for this body responds to your needs without my conscious consideration."

Clair nearly started crying again, her eyes stinging with the need, but she pushed it away. Nothing hurt the way this did but she had to be stronger than her emotions. It had been such a horrible, emotionally wrecking few days. Weeks? Few hours? Whatever the hell it had been, she lost track, but it had been horrid. She stood, making her way to the fireplace and studying the carvings in the stone as her only potential to calm and gather herself. A little distance was necessary for she could not think clearly when she looked at him, smelled him, felt him. Her fingers worried over the smooth stone, making it just a little more smooth.

"What are your plans?" She asked, because it might be simpler to jump ahead.

"Well, it generally takes a bit of time for bonding. We do not do things as the humans, though some things are similar. Intercourse is a more involved process than their mindless rutting; while pleasurable, it establishes nothing and does not end in a pare being bonded. Bonding is emotional and personal as well as physical. We have many rituals, though not all were still in practice. Some were disbanded while others thrived."

Clair interrupted, "I wasn't really asking about... us." She did not care, though she also did.

"My plans revolve around you, so it is only prudent for you to understand." He told her, non-pulsed, "In our culture, it is more about the female than the male. The male has little control; the female is chemistry and allure based on compatibility of souls and personality as well as attraction. Many might be drawn to her, many compatible with her, but it is she who makes the choice. Long ago, in one of the outlawed practices, some males tried to force the bonding process. It involved a pool created by the tide and chains linked to the highest point. The female was chained and if a bond could not be established before the waters returned, she would die."

At that, Clair did turn her head, jaw slack and eyes wide as she stared at him. "I could have gone without that information."

He seemed sheepish, "There was a reason it was outlawed. And also because it rarely worked. Most could not or would not bond simply to save their own lives. A bond is a connection severed only by death, or in some cases, the sheer force of will by the female." Zod leaned forward, eyes fixed on her face with intensity. "It is why Lara refused to leave Jor-El's side, even to death. In some cases, the partner of a bond does not survive the death of the partner even if they were never physically harmed. Though, truly, every bond is different, and not all are so strong, many are. It is something like the humans call soul-mates, though not exactly."

She could follow along just as well as the next person and she narrowed her eyes, "And Lex and I? We have... had the beginnings of a bond?"

"Yes. It was incomplete, but strong." Once again, he leaned back, turning casual, "Which is surprising considering very few of us have ever been known to bond with a human. Though your father did, so it is not fully surprising that his offspring could as well. Not many knew his secret, particularly since the human died soon after, probably before he even fully realized what had happened, but it is vary rare for us to bond outside our race." He shrugged, "Anyway, if you allow the bond to continue, we will be much better off together. And as I said, you may keep on looking on me as him for as long as you need to transition. He and I were similar so it should not be a problem."

Similar? They were nothing alike! Clair turned back to her study of the cold fireplace. Even if they were similar, which she did not feel they were, similar was not the same. Similar didn't cut it. The Brain-Interactive-Construct and Zod might think similar was enough but it just wasn't. There was nothing to 'continue' with if Lex was gone.

She said none of that, but rather, "If the female is the one that initiates a bond, what part does the male play? You said there could be many she is compatible with, but how does that work? Does she draw her matches to her or do they come on their own?" After all this time of wondering if she did something to Lex to make him love her against his will, painful or not, she wanted to know.

He studied her, peeling away at her unnervingly, "Potential matches are usually drawn together. Situations vary, but something usually brings compatible ones together. After that things are based on chemistry, attraction, suitability... she might pick her match based on strength, personality, or most commonly, whim, emotion... instinct. Any number of variables. There are occasions when the male rejects her choice, if perhaps he has feelings for another, in which case, she will move on to the next choice."

Clair licked at her teeth, worried he might know about Pete. Why else would he throw that information in? And had she just moved to the next choice? It had not felt that simple. It felt complicated. Once she moved on, it felt like Lex had been the 'one' all along, the choice she should have made the day he first opened his eyes, skin grey-white, red rimming his eyes, and wonder filling his face. He felt like the one she always loved but didn't see until she could blink away the clouds in her eyes. Lex was the other half of her. It sounded cliche but it felt that way for some time, though now it felt like half, a half she never knew was missing till she found it, was ripped away once again.

"His main initiative is to offer her reasons to accept him. To win her affections, as it were. Jor-El won Lara even though his brother, Zor-El was also compatible. Zor-El never quite got over that and it was a point of contention between them."

"Like a type of bird here on earth. The males build elaborate nests to win the approval of their intended and she decides between them based on how well they saw to her needs." Clair observed, having a flash-back to science class.

"Something like that." He chuckled darkly, "And qualification wise, you chose very well. This human could have provided for you, given you the world, made you a queen."

A queen? Had that been to do with her, Alexander's offer to have her rule at his side? Maybe she contributed to his madness with her chemical pull, or whatever it was. Once split, had he been trying to make her want him over his other self by proving what he could do? Competing against himself would have been quite... interesting as far as concepts.

"Then what are you offering me? So far you have offered me nothing I want. If you are supposed to offer me incentive to bond, you are falling short, particularly if you plan to repopulate." Calculated risks were Luthorian.

"I offered you the lives of those you love." He reminded her blandly, and then more intently, "Though, understand, children can be produced without a bond, it is just infinitely harder. But I can offer you what I have withheld. What I alone, in all the world can give you."

A wary feeling fanned to life, one of a deeper nature than the one that had drifted along the surface of her every thought since the red light appeared. "Which is?"

"Lex. The man you love." He told her frankly, "He is within me, bottled up in the recesses of my mind. I could let him out, let you see him on occasion."

"You said he was dead!" Clair whirled, eyes lighting, ready to set him ablaze.

"He is. He is ensconced in unconsciousness, nothingness, in darkness. I can unlock him if I so desire, pull him from his grave to let you see him."

"Then let me see him! Prove you are not lying to me." She advanced on him but he did not bother to stand.

He wiggled his fingers in invitation, inviting her into his lap, "Very well. I will give you what you desire most, more than those other human lives."

Clair did not sit, she stared down her nose at him, "I still want their lives."

"Of course you do, but I think you might give them up for him. From what I see... you two were opposite sides of the same soul."

Opposite sides of the same soul? Yes. Yes, they were. They were.

She offered no answer because she had none to give, as much as she hated herself for not knowing what she might ultimately pick. Of course, she reminded herself, he was lying. He could say anything at all and have it be the truth since he had Lex's memory splayed out for the taking. Still, if she ever planned to stab him, he was sitting beside the dagger. If she sat in his lap the way he wanted her to, she could kill him before he ever saw the downward swing. If she did not look at his face, maybe she could do it.

There was nothing more she could lose at this point. Whether she tried to kill him or not at least it would give her a chance to test her nerve and see if she could even come close before she changed her mind. A knee on either side of his legs and she was in his lap. It was not particularly hard once she swallowed a little pride. He made no move to touch her, content in his victory.

"Well?" She prompted, "Are you going to let him out or not?"

He leaned his head back and shut his eyes, relaxing. After a moment, he reached up and pulled her to him. She did not bother to fight, curious to see what he intended to conjure to fool her. She rested her chin on his shoulder, listening as his breathing even in sleep. It actually made her smile, to think that sleeping was his trick. It was not hard to guess what he was up to; he would fall asleep, knowing she would eventually move or wake him in some way, then he would be "Lex" for her.

He cupped her back of her head, nuzzling his face into her hair, whispering her name. It hurt more than she expected it could; when she was already so miserable she thought she might be numb, but she was wrong. The motion and loving, reverent tone of voice was sickly familiar. It was a trick and she knew it but it did not stop her from curling her arms around his neck, hating herself. She edged her hand behind the leather covers to get her fingers on the very edge of the knife to sway the guilt.

If she could tell him one thing before she ended his misery, what would she most like him to know? There were mountains of things he deserved to hear from her. Apologies and thanks among them by the hundreds. But what did she most need him to hear in the even there was a fraction of him that could hear her? Maybe... she should tell him the things she would never feel about the monster in his skin. She had to kill him while her never and her opportunity lasted, if she could do it. She needed to tell him goodbye and be brave for the world, she knew that, had been told enough times.

"Lex," She whispered, trying not to choke on emotion, "everyone always comes to me with their problems, and of course I fix them, or try to. But when I had a problem, you know who I always felt safe coming to? When I had a problem, I always came to you, and you were always there to fix it, every time. I don't think you ever fully realized how much that meant. You were my rock. I could go anywhere and do anything so long as I had you to return to. You were my safety net and you never, ever left me fall, even when I said I didn't want you to catch me. _You_ were my equal, from the very first, it was you. You were the only one."

When she pulled back to look into his eyes for the last time, the whole world stopped. Looking back at her, loving, tender, gentle, adoring, was all Lex. She would know that look anywhere, anywhere. It really was Lex, present and fully with her.

Clair let her hand drift back to the top of the cushion, away from the knife. There was just no way she could kill him. Even if it was just a shred, a piece, and mere thread left of Lex, it was enough to stay her hand. Her breaths were coming in gasps, nothing but stifled sobs. She meant to say goodbye but she had been fooling herself, she knew that even as Lex faded away and was replaced by Zod once more. She could not kill him. She wanted him back the moment she watched him leave. She would do anything for another look into his eyes and she knew it. The world was doomed because she would never be strong enough to hurt the man she loved.

Zod really had given her Lex but it had not been long enough. It was a cruel taste of air to the drowning, a shot of hope to the dying.

Scrambling off the lap of the man with two identities, she did the only thing she could do, and she ran at her full speed. Her very soul was shattering and she had to get away before she could not hold it together with tape and glue.

Arms came around her, holding her from behind, stopping her. Though she could not be sure without looking for signs, she did know they were no longer in Smallville, and she was mostly sure they were not in Kansas. Around them were fields and nothing else, which was probably best. He was breathing harder than normal just as she was, but he had caught up.

"I lied, I can't do this. I can't!" She told him, absolutely honest and a little frantic. "I can't!"

"Shhh... easy. Give it some time."

"No, I can't. I'll never be able to. I can't do this!" She was telling him the truth, but he did not realize the entire truth about what she was saying. It was not only about staying with him, it was about killing him too. She wanted Zod dead, she really did, as much as she ever wished for anyone to die, but he had Lex. He had Lex and she was not strong enough to part with even a small piece of the man she loved. She lost him once and she knew what that felt like, and this time there was no crystal to take her back in time to bring him back.

"You don't understand!" Clair didn't bother fighting, she just yelled in an attempt to hang onto the angry rather than the grief so she might stay slightly sane. "He was my world! You took him away! Do you think I don't know what you're playing at? You offer me moments with him in exchange for my obedience. You'll get me to complete a bond with Lex so _you_ can take it over once you don't need him anymore! You did kill him but now you pieced him back together once you knew I would resist you."

"You should rest. It has been a long day for you. Sleep will do you good." He told her and there was surprisingly no venom or condescension in his tone.

"Of course," she had enough venom for them both, "because you don't want your baby factory unhealthy."

He ignored the jab and hurried her, be it a bit forcefully, back to the mansion. Her run hand been in a straight line so it was not exactly hard to find their way. She let him take her to Lex's room and even let him wordlessly tuck her into bed before he left her there to ruminate in her own sorrow. Oddly enough, she was tired, but it was emotionally. She was drained dry as far as her emotions and she felt it the way she might have something physical. There was nothing pleasant about the way she fell into sleep as a way to escape.

It was Lex's voice that stirred her again, frantically calling to her to wake up. It took her a while to shake off the hold of depression driven sleep, but she eventually came round. The calls for her to wake up did not stop once she opened her eyes to the darkness of nightfall, but she sat up anyway. The sound persisted for some time, Lex pleading with her to get up, wake up, come back to him.

It was a hallucination of some kind, though honestly, she could have sworn she had woken similarly before, in the same room, alone, in the dark, only without a voice calling her. She could have sworn she knew what would be waiting for her down the steps. Zod would be in the office with the silver case. Lex's voice had not woken her the first time, it had been the faint hum of the whirling Kryptonian hard drive. She remembered what she had dreamed of though and the cold, dead resolve it had brought to the surface in her as she forced herself toward the noise.

 The dream had been about the night she found Lex slumped on the floor, hugging an empty bottle to his chest as he absently rocked himself back and forth. He was listless and vacant, haunted more than anything. She crawled onto the floor with him, tucked up against his side and it took very little to get him to tell her what brought him so low. She already knew it had to have been about what he saw. It made her feel almost pathetic that her greatest fear had been Lex, Chloe, and Lana finding out her secret, turning on her and attempting to kill her with meteor rock. Lex's greatest fear was that he would hurt others, destroy the world, and become the monster Lionel worked so hard to make him.

She held him until he fell asleep and then she carried him to bed. After the office was cleaned and clear of any evidence of his self medication and melt down, she had gone home to be miserable on her own.

Lex had been drunk when he told her about the drug induced nightmare but it disturbed her no less than it would have if he had told her willingly. He did not remember telling her about it and she never let it slip but she remembered it all the same. It was with that resolve that she took herself to the office and watched Zod moving about in the darkened room, letting the moon through the windows be his light. That and the computer screens he was monitoring and typing into. The silver case was open and he was taping at it, waiting for it to be hacked, she guessed.

There was, surprisingly, a glass of brown liquid beside him. If she waited she might find out if he fell asleep, but she couldn't bring herself to anymore. Now, the thought of killing him in his sleep made it worse. Lex would not have wanted to die in his sleep, he would have wanted to see it coming.

"You need to stop." She announced blandly.

He turned to her, expression lazy and without interest, "I told you what I intended on doing. Nothing has changed. My actions do not hinge on your approval."

"No! You will destroy this planet! Raise it to nothing! Nothing will be left worth keeping!" She shoved hard at his chest, pushing him back and away from the case. "It doesn't have to be this way! Together, with our strength, we could do so much good! We could create a utopia here, without all of this! We could end wars and create peace! You, being here, you have a second chance at a normal life!"

It was her last effort, her last attempt at peace before she did something selfless, something shamefully less about saving the world and more about keeping Lex from living his own worst nightmare. Things had finally fallen into place in her mind. She would put an end to Lex's suffering even though it meant the beginning of hers. She might not be able to live without him but she could never let him live through what would be done in his name, she could not do that to him. Maybe she had gone mad and the only thing that got through to her was Lex from long ago, begging her to save him from becoming that monster that would destroy the world. Back then she promised and never expected to need to carry it out because it seemed nothing but a dream she planned to forget she knew about. But she promised him it would never happen and it would if she didn't stop it. So she would.

"Better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven." He shot back.

 Clair stepped away, backing toward the couch and lowering her voice to a whisper that made him move forward again, thinking he had her meek rather than resigned, "Lex's memory might be trapped with you, but you never really knew him. Maybe you could respect him if you had." She paused, smiling sadly as she slipped her hand down and caught the dagger, "You know, people have used him all his life in some way or another. I won't let you use him, force him to become the thing he was most afraid of becoming, what he fought so hard never to be."

"You don't really have a choice."

Clair held up the dagger for him to see, advancing on him, "I have a choice, I just hoped I would not have to make it."

His eyes widened, surprise showing clearly on his face as he eyed the blade more than he did her. "You hid it but did not use it when you had the chance?" His eyes turned cool and his lips tightened, "Yet you tip your hand and give away your element of surprise?"

"I shouldn't, I realize, but stabbing someone in the back has never been my nature. Even when I lie, I'm bad at it. I plan to kill you, I just can't bring myself to do it like that."

"You want to see my eyes when I die?"

"No, I don't want to. But I was raised a Kent, not a Luthor. In this case, my first instinct is probably the wrong one but I'm too tired to be a Luthor anymore."

"Or is it that you hope you fail? You are giving me a chance to win, hoping I will stop you from doing what you don't want to do?"

"Lex could probably tell us. He would rattle off a lot of psychology and know all the reasons behind everything." And then they clashed, locked like battling snakes.

He offered no mercy and she gave as good as she got, though without his efficiency. When he twisted her arm so hard it snapped, he got her to scream but she didn't let go of the knife, she just switched hands and avoided his hold until the bones could reform. When she intentionally broke the hard drive though, was when she discovered he had not been angry yet.

They crashed through the window and she saw honest rage in his eyes as they sailed very fast over a very long distance. Once they landed she realized how her ability to heal and survive could actually be used as the most effective torture in existence when he broke her jaw with his punches more than once. The initial crack, the snap had been the most shocking, to actually feel something solid give way was surreal in the worst sort of way. No one had ever broken any of her bones before but she learned what it was like, at least short term while he used her to break and grind a bolder into dust before he also used her as a Frisbee. Only after that did his calm seem to return fully and he sent her where his followers had failed to. Still, she felt like she knew that was coming.

* * *

The situation looked particularly grim, what with two very unfriendly aliens encroaching on their position. Lex had no idea how they ended up where they had considering everything was a bit of a blur after a certain point, but it had only bought them a little time. Just a little longer and they would no longer be hidden and he had a bad feeling things would get messy. They were already catastrophic but the world had a way of making things go down hill even more. He needed to stop thinking; "things can't get much worse" or he would not last very long.

"Clair," Lex shouted shouted as loudly as he dared in her ear desperately, shaking her shoulders for all he was worth, "please, you've got to wake up! You have to wake up!"


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to pretend this wasn't the hardest chapter to write because I was breaking my heart.

Something I need-One Republic

* * *

When Lex blinked he was on his back, looking up at huge pipes and cracked cement. He rolled over, trying to gain back his equilibrium as well as his sense of placement. For all he could guess, someone hit him with a truck, because he hurt all over. They might have hit him more than once. An electric box on the wall was sparking and with all the water on the floor that was not a sign of good hings to come. A few more blinks alerted him to Clair, blood marring the side of her face from a gash in her hairline. She was unconscious but she was still breathing. It was only then that he regained his memory of exactly where they were and how dire the situation was, and it was about that time he remembered he should be having heart failure.

With some effort, Lex dragged Clair behind some of the larger pipes hoping against hope it would hide them well enough. Being found was not at all a good idea at this point. Even at a later point he was not at all interested in being found. Clair was wonderful but she was not a match for two very strong and terrifying killers from God only knew where in the universe, which was why she was not yet awake.

The situation looked particularly grim, what with two very unfriendly aliens encroaching on their position. Lex had no idea how they ended up where they had considering everything was a bit of a blur after a certain point, but it had only bought them a little time. Just a little longer and they would no longer be hidden and he had a bad feeling things would get messy. They were already catastrophic but the world had a way of making things go down hill even more. He needed to stop thinking; "things can't get much worse" or he would not last very long.

There was a hole in the wall across from where he woke up. Maybe that was how they ended up where they were - through a wall - which explained why he felt like he had been run over but not why there was a hole rather than a flattened body of one Lex Lurthor, but he would work on that later. It was probably thanks to Clair but he was not ready to think on that when his hands were shaking so badly.

"Clair," Lex shouted as loudly as he dared in her ear desperately, shaking her shoulders for all he was worth, "please, you've got to wake up! You have to wake up!"

The aliens he captured were not captured anymore and with the amount of water dripping or even running down the walls to pool on the floor, he was guessing the water being held by the dam was about to be inside with them in relatively short order. There was nothing that sounded good about being trapped in water with two angry alien killer spirit... things. Even less so after one of them not only escaped, but attacked Clair and somehow made itself a bit of a duplicate of her. The other one still floated around but if he heard the two conversing correctly, one had taken her DNA and the other planned to take her body over. Really not a good plan. One already got her form! The other wanted to possess her body like a bad ghost story! No! Lex did not like that plan, he liked Clair being herself, thanks.

Trouble was, he could not drag her out and even if he could, there was no way they would not see him dragging her body slowly out the long hallways. She really needed to be awake.

Things would have been simpler if she never found him in his secret lab to begin with, but it was a little late for that. Honestly, too, had she not arrived when she did he would undoubtedly already be dead. It was her battle with the first escaped alien that actually kept it from ripping out his liver, possessing him, eating or disemboweling him the way it had several others before it was captured. Clair stormed in, fury in her eyes when she confronted him while he was actively running, but the anger did not stop her from pushing him behind her, forcing him through a door into another room to protect him.

That only lasted so long before the fight was brought to him, through the wall, and then through a few other walls. It might have seemed surreal if it wasn't so terrifying. For the moment all he could really do was look for a way to sneak her out. There had to be a back way out. He only ever came one way but he knew there were emergency exits. No one could get in through those but people could get out if they really needed to leave in a hurry and he thought this was one of those cases.

Lex got to his feet, working very hard as he prowled to both keep his sense alert and to make no splashing noise in the stagnating water on the floor. If they could smell him - which he could not imagine with decaying bodies like they had - he would be in very much trouble. Granted, one of them had done something, stolen Clair's shape with whatever freakish ability it had, but he hoped that did not aid it in finding them.

There was urgency pumping in his blood to hurry and find that exit so he could get back to Clair and be assured she was not being devoured while he left her alone. He could hardly endure the suspense of going around every corner or imagining what might be happening behind him if they had found her. His nerves would be shot after today and he would need so much therapy! Not that he could really tell anyone about this unless he planned to end up in a sanitarium, again. Killer aliens was not at all something to go running to doctors about. So he would just need a lot of expensive alcohol to get him over his issues.

When he turned the next corner he thought he might have swallowed his tongue.

It hovered, _hovered_ like some twisted wraith and he was actually more frightened of it than he remembered being of anything. Instinct washed over him like a ton of bricks and it was suddenly very important to run, so he did. His body was shaking and he could not make it stop, mind over matter was **not** working. That was an actual monster like movies failed to accurately capture, hell, it might have been the inspiration. He had already seen it kill people in such very creative and nightmarish ways that did nothing to slow his heart. He was running blind just trying to get away from that deformed apparition. Then he ran into a brick wall shaped like Clair and he almost didn't realize it really was Clair until she put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"Clair," he gasped, "Clair, we've got to get out of here!" Lex told her, tugging at her arm as he moved around her.

She followed but he was made more desperate by how unhurried she was and how totally relaxed she was. Why could she not understand how much trouble they were in? They were about to die! He was panicking and it was not going to stop any time soon unless they got far away from where that thing was.

"It's not after us." She told him, moving a little faster finally, matching his pace.

"Could have fooled me!" He shot back.

"No, it has what it wanted, as do I." She grinned, a twinkle in her eyes, canting her head to one side.

Oh. Oh God. Lex dropped her hand, turning to face her, backing away with eyes wide. It was too late. He really should have noticed sooner, those subtle differences. That stupid red jacket of hers matched with a blue shirt; inverted to make her a little darker. She didn't hunch her shoulders, she walked with her chest out and shoulders back, like an alpha version of herself; she was like she was when on her 'drug of choice' only worse, even darker, with a killer glint in her eye. It took everything in him, but he composed his posture, straightening his spine and squaring his shoulders to face it like a Luthor, strong in the face of terror. No one but the real Clair could see his weakness.

"The Phantom-" He muttered, low and strong with steeled understanding.

"It's all right, Lex." She assured him, voice deeper, sultry, like she had been a smoker too many years or she was one of those girls that talked dirty into a phone. "I don't want to hurt you or kill you."

His eyes darted behind her, searching for signs of the real version. Before he knew it, a new instinct had him trying to push past her to go back into the place he had been trying to escape because his best friend, the girl he loved, was still in there. A hard hand on his chest was enough to stop him because, honestly, he couldn't move her even an inch.

She smiled, serious but almost coy, sweet and sour at once. "I want to be your ally."

Lex stared at her, silent, just focused on holding his stance.

She swayed her hips as she sidled closer, further into his space, her chest brushing his, "It's what you've always wanted, isn't it? A Clair that will tell you everything, every secret. The one thing you have always wanted, the one thing she will never be able to offer. No more lies, no more hiding, just someone as dark as you, willing to accept you exactly as you are." She arched both brows, playful and challenging him to deny it, "We could make a great team. We'll be unstoppable. I'll help you rule the world."

"How would you know what I want?" His voice was tight, controlled strictly.

She was full of easy, confident, sharp smiles, "Because, I don't just have her face, I have all her memories, every last, twisted one of them." Her fingers slide down his bicep gently, resting in the crook of his arm, "She's not as much of an angel as you think. She has bad thoughts too, she's thought about doing bad thing, even thought of killing people, she's just not woman enough to admit it. But she's not afraid to condemn others for feeling the same things, is she?"

The words felt like a burn and some part of him felt they were all true. It was conflicting emotion in battle within him in an instant but he knew where his loyalty was stood. He also, deep down, did not want a Clair that knew exactly how powerful she was and feared nothing from letting her inner demons out. Such a thing was what monsters were made of and the girl he knew was far above that. She was an angel because she turned from that darkness in her heart. That was what angels did, it's what made them trustworthy. Condemning evil kept them from falling prey to it. Moral compass, refusing to be part of the darker hues of light.

"I know what she's done to you, the pain she has caused you." She smiled, sweet, but with darkness at the edge, "I would not make that mistake. I can give you what you want most of all. I can give you power, security, and love all at once. No one could stand in your way again with me at your side."

Maybe part of him wanted that but a larger part blanched and retreated. This version of Clair did not see what he needed her to, what Clair saw, and that was his redemption.

He had no idea how -element of surprise, maybe- but he got around her, running headlong into whatever danger waited behind. With a gasp, he spotted Clair on the ground, where he left her, the monster hovering beside her, slowly, inch by inch, penetrating her body with skeletal-decay or mummified hands. Frozen, he watched it sink up to the elbows. Clair arched up, crying out, eyes screwed shut, in pain when it gained another inch.

Lex rushed forward, crying out wordless please even as arms scooped him up off his feet. The rumble he never noticed, or assumed was in his own ears, got louder and the water started coming in at a good clip. The monster even took notice, lifting Clair's body from what he could only guess was it's grip on her ribs, her body dangling and limp, fully alarming. All he could do was yell and scream his protests without success or response from either monster and it made him feel desperate and helpless and wild. While Lex struggled his own little hellion restrained him with a very extremely firm grip, holding hard enough he was sure to have ugly marks.

His next breath was a gasp as water crashed into him like a wall. Phantom-Clair didn't even budge or seem to have issue persisting through the waves though she did speed up by an extreme; that is until she seemed to decide that act was folly when the walls began to cave a crumple inward. With a fist raised high, she **_flew_** up and crashed ** _through_** layer upon layer of cement, pipe, rebar and anything else with the other alien following close.

They must have looked a sigh, some Gothic macabre magic show, two people being carried by flying creatures from the wreckage of a destroyed mass of construction nightmares. It could have been amusing if one did not have hold of Clair's insides and he was not held in an alien body snatcher's arms. Other-Clair's skin turned, changed, fractured in the light of the sun like a cracked mirror.

Was that what her skin really looked like and light brought it out? She was made of metal? That would explain a few things. Metal could mold itself any way it wanted, but maybe that wasn't what she was at all. At this point he just wanted to wake up and he closed his eyes to see if it would help him block out the fact that he was flying over Smallville for the second time in his life, but this time Clair was the unconscious one. Both incidents ironically involved water and he chuckled madly regardless of how insane it felt.

Lex did not want to see any of this but he had to look, to watch Clair's body sway like a broken doll. Her head was lolled back so far, hair swaying around her as they flew. Once they landed he wished they hadn't because it was so wrong, so wrong. Phantom-Clair said she had her memories but how could she lead them to the barn? It belonged to Clair! It was her safe place and now it was desecrated by these monsters. He clawed at the doppelgangers face uselessly, snarling like an animal, and then snarling again when the ghost creature slammed Clair into the floor, using that pained whine from her to sink it's arm nearly to the shoulders.

Arms curled around his chest like a lover once he was allowed to put his feet on the ground but it was nothing but a cage, "Relax, Lex, there is nothing you can do. It's done. Even I couldn't help her now, even if I wanted to. But you don't need her. I am her, much improved."

"No." He closed his eyes, refusing to let his eyes do what they seemed intent on doing. Luthor's did _not_ cry. Instead he resisted blindly, trying to just get a little closer to the girl struggling on the ground. "You can't do this! Please!" Luthor's also did not beg but he forgot that one for a minute. "You can have my body instead!" Bargaining they did do.

He survived being taken over once, he could survive it again. Besides, so long as Clair was there when he woke everything would be fine. He would never forget opening his eyes in the field with Clair's clothing looking like she tangled with a tiger but otherwise fine and so very worried about him. It had taken a very long time before she let him touch her, didn't flinch initially when he moved a little too fast in her direction. He didn't remember a thing about his time as Zod's vessel but he knew it must have been unpleasant for anyone near him.

The chest at his back rumbled with a deep laugh, "He's already pretty invested in her. He wants her body. It's kind of a revenge thing. Her father locked us up, you know?" He felt her shrug as he worked to get that information into his mind, "No better revenge than stealing the daughter's life."

"She didn't do anything! Fight with her father if he did this to you, not her!" Lex was feeling so desperate and so, so _helples_ s.

"Don't worry. She won't suffer long and then she'll just fade away. It will be peaceful, really." She seemed to be trying to assure him but it wasn't at all helpful. "She won't be lost. I have her memory. It's kind of like having her here."

No, no it wasn't anything like it! Having memories did not make this monster his Clair!  When the phantom slid it's ugly head inside her chest, Clair made another pained sound and Lex struggled again, just desperate without hope of making a difference in the inevitable. He used every single move in his fighting repertoire -which was extensive since he had been trained since he was small- that could break or slip a hold. _Not_ a _single_ one of them budged her an inch. God, she was a rock, not human. Unbeatable just like he feared when he found out they existed.

"No!" He whispered, breathless not from the struggle but from emotion.

When she ran her tongue under the corner of his eye he realized he had broken the second Luthor rule with a single tear. Lex let her hold him up, let his head fall back onto her shoulder, let himself be held while she hovered off the ground, because there was nothing he could do. He couldn't even get away from this monster's arms, she was a force he did not know how to stop. Even the best of business men knew when he was beaten, when all options had been closed off. He never gave up but he also was too smart not to see when he had been cornered without escape. If Clair was gone, or would be soon, he didn't even want to fight because there was no reason. Let them have the world.

Was this how she felt? The utter despair and resignation of lost hope? Without his memory he could never know what she suffered while he was not in possession of his body but he believed it could have been like this. She never told him very much about that time, only shut down when he tried to get her to open up. If she felt like this he could see why she never wanted to relive it.

"I'll take you home." She said it like a gift and in a way it was because he wouldn't have to watch that monster destroy the girl he really loved.

* * *

Clair glared at the stairs, hoping that no one was going to spot her going inside and also hoping there were no cameras on the back stairwell. The elevator would obviously have one, but the less used and more annoying stairs might not. She doubted she was that lucky but a little hope was about all she had left. If she were back to her normal self she would not be worried even if there was surveillance but without all her tricks of the trade things were a lot more complicated. The door shutting behind her was much too loud even though she tried to muffle it, the sound echoed all the way up the intensely high walls.

How did humans handle the walking thing when they were in a hurry? It took so long to get anywhere and she really did not have the time to just go normal, human speed. It had actually occurred to her when she had been running away from the asylum just how irritating human speed must be for, well, humans. It certainly was irritating her, she could say that! She needed to sneak by people and her own super-speed would have been really great. It had taken an exorbitant amount of time to get herself home, not that it had been what she was expecting once she got there.

Additionally, she heard the noise again, glancing around nervously only to see nothing as usual. There was a strange sound, something like animated thumping, hail hitting a metal roof, but funneled through a long echoing tunnel. It was no normal sound. Sometimes it vanished, sometimes it got louder, but it was decidedly always hovering around the curtain of existence. She sort of wondered if something had been done to her, to her very sensitive hearing, and that was her version of ringing in the ears.

Waking up in an asylum with her powers stolen had been jarring to say the least, but finding Alic in the loft, alive and supposedly owning the farm was more so. Alic with his big perfect smile, round, guileless eyes, and thick blond conservative-cut hair, ever the picture of a normal and perfect life she always hoped to have and it made her sick. To see him there, alive and happy and apparently normal made the pain in her chest flair to life as well as guilt for too many reasons. It had been a while, after all that had happened, since she really missed him or thought of him. It was terrible but true and it felt like a betrayal; she could hardly look him in the eye for that reason.

Alic acted so happy to see her, professing love the way he used to but J'onn said to trust _no one;_ after he and Raya got her out of the Phantom Zone she was more inclined to believe him than she was a ghost; and she was not fool enough to fall for a shape-shifter trick. She told the fake Alic as much, at which point he grew upset, worried, insisting she needed to go back to the hospital for treatment she was supposed to have gotten. Because that was going to happen! Not!

He was convincing in his act but she was not that gullible, though he did give her information. Walking, once again, at fully human speed, she had investigated. She was particularly glad she knew the mansion as well as she did, because she had to sneak in then too. She was doing a lot of sneaking and running and escaping for it having been only about a day.

When she found her mother in the Luthor mansion, obviously drugged and delusional, she realized she should have thrown Lionel through a barn wall when she had been thinking about it last time. He so richly deserved anything he got. Fine might have been a crazy android but he had not been all wrong about Lionel. He had done something with her father and drugged her mother to get her to marry him, which was low even for him. It also made her a little terrified that she had no memory of any of that time, and it had to have been a while for him to have accomplished so much.

Clair raced up the steps, trying not to make too much noise but also trying to be as fast as she actually could be. Ah the humanity, she thought wryly as she began to pant a little from the exertion. Steps were actually a little challenging when you were trying to run. It had never been noticeable before but the nice burning in her calves was really showing her a new side to things. To think she used to make fun of Pete and Chloe in gym class! Shame on her past self!

Honestly, no building had a right to be as tall as the Luthor building, in her humble and relevant opinion. It was a good thing she was in shape, powers or not. Though, she would be at the top and finished finding out anything she came for by now if she had her powers. She wasn't bitter or anything, not at all. Lionel just better watch out when she eventually found out what he did to her! That was all there was to that!

She should have asked Chloe for some advice on being human before she drove off in her car. Chloe was very good at being human, so good that she scooped Clair out of the lion's mouth right when she needed it most. If she was a rich hero she would give her friend a raise, and a big one to the money she was not paying her, for being there. Humans had it rough. Stairs, walking, stairs... but she digressed.

After the thirteenth floor she decided that if they really wanted to catch her, they could just go ahead and try. Climbing the stairs made her have to pee, though she had no idea why, but it annoyed her no less and put her in enough of a foul mood to make her care less who spotted her. Once she had sneaked into the bathroom she decided she was taking the elevator the rest of the way up! She marched out and went right to the elevator, not looking around to avoid seeming guilty, headed for the top. Luckily there was no one to stop her yet, or even notice her. Maybe she looked enough like a janitor that no one really cared considering she was still wearing the janitor uniform from the asylum. It paid to look unimportant sometimes. She would mentally file that away for another time in case she ever needed it.

For now she really needed to focus on the goal. Lex had been on the wrong end of his father and drugs before and he might actually have some ideas, or he might also be in danger. Either way, she convinced Chloe that he was her best option for finding out what Lionel was up to and how to stop him. Neither she nor Chloe ever really trusted the older man and now it was clear they had reason. Jor-El really could pick his oracles! First that linguist that tried to kill her, then a Luthor with some very lofty ambitions to take the place of her AI father, and apparently Martha's husband. How he managed to cover up a Senator vanishing, she did not know, but he must have called in a lot of favors.

To unwind favors she would need someone just as powerful and cunning as Lionel. Chloe relented, mostly agreeing with her, and they parted ways. The last things she remembered was being with Lex, though she did not tell Chloe to be sure her best friend did not jump to the entirely wrong conclusion - because Lex was not collaborating with his father, not ever - but she hoped he might be able to fill in some blank spaces in her memory as to how this happened.

Clair sneaked past the secretary, hardly breathing, and hurried to Lex's office, heart in her throat until she slipped inside and helped the automatic close work a bit faster by applying some pressure.

Lex was seated at his desk, looking over a stack of papers, his hand covered his mouth as his fingers playing around the line of his chin as if he needed something to do. He absently looked up, a bland sort of look on his face until he saw her face. For just a moment there was naked shock and even alarm that flared to life, written clear as day over his handsome, perfect features. Inexplicably she watched his blue-gray eyes harden and chill considerably, not at all the reaction she had expected. It must have been thanks to some lie Lionel spun about her but at least Lex was alive and well, seemingly safe, and that was a relief. Any confusion could be cleared up and then things could finally be back to normal.

He eased his hand down slowly, the bridge over the raging mote around him banging closed, assuming his business rigidity, watching her like he could peel her apart. "My father said you were out," he told her blandly, almost seeming resigned, "I just never thought you'd have the nerve to show your face."

"What?" Clair shut her eyes and shook her head, "No, never mind, look, we need to talk. I don't know what Lionel has told you... but..." she fidgeted, looking at the floor as if it should offer support, "he did _something_ , I don't know what, but I don't have my... powers." That last word had been pretty quiet, "I thought maybe you could help me figure out how, or at least fill in some of the time gaps, help me figure out what has been going on since I've obviously been gone a while."

Lex smiled, humorless, reaching out and taking hold of a glass she had not noticed on his desk, "Your powers... now you've decided my father took them? The last time I saw you, you were screaming about how I was evil and no one could trust me. I was out to destroy the world, now you've decided it's my father?" He shrugged and took a drink like it didn't bother him, "Well, at least this time you're probably closer to the truth."

She blinked owlishly at him a moment, desperately trying to figure out what she must have done to upset him and wondering even more what Lionel had done to her to make her that wild. Why would she have done that to Lex? How could she accuse him of that when she knew how hard he tried to be different from his nature? It must have been drugs, drugs that made her crazy, like the silver meteor had. Whatever she did, she clearly ripped Lex up one side and down the other in whatever haze she had been in. She hurt him, after everything they had been through, she hurt him again. That made her hate the eldest Luthor even more. Maybe he found out they were in love and decided to destroy their bond the only way he could.

She reached a hand forward, beseeching in tone and posture, "Listen, I don't know what I said or did before... I wasn't myself somehow. I'm so very sorry for anything I did after I saw you in the lab."

Oh, wait, right! The lab! She should be a little angry about that but for now she wasn't really over interested. After what happened with Zod she could not totally fault him for trying to keep aliens in a cage; it frightened her and made her vastly uncomfortable that he was studying them, but she understood. They could talk about that when they were in a better place, though it might have something to do with her current condition. There could have been chemicals, poisons, something that started her down this path. Considering the technology in that lab had been intended for aliens it very well could have done something to her. She almost hated to say it, but maybe it had not even been Lionel's fault, just her alien biology doing any number of things, but that did not exactly let him off the hook for stealing her mother... no, it was totally still Lionel's fault, there was no way all of it worked out so well for him without a lot of shoving. Anyway.

Later, later she would deal with it. "All I know, Lex, is that I'm going to try to fix it. Just tell me what's happening and I'll find a way to make all of this work! Just give me a chance-"

"A chance." Lex kept smiling, saying the words with a breathless sense of irony, "You'll fix it." The false humor fell from his face, "What, with your powers? That you don't have?"

She must have really screwed up for him to be this upset and that twisted a knife in her gut, "I want to fix it," she said honestly, "any way I need to. Just tell me what is going on. I won't let your father ruin either of our lives."

Lex huffed in that same humor parody that hurt to look at, swirling the ice in his glass before lifting it to his lips and muttering into it, " _Our_ lives... huh-" he lowered the glass, "you forget our little run in on the Loeb Bridge five years ago too?"

Clair lifted her chin, suddenly defensive, because he was bringing that up now? Again? "You tend to remember saving a rich, playboy's life, as a rule. Why?"

The edges of his mouth turned down and his lips thinned, not a face he would let a reporter capture and show the public, he put his glass down like a declaration, "You really think you saved me?"

And where was this going? Maybe 'you saved me just so you could rip my heart out and stomp on it?' She could see him saying that but she kind of hoped he wasn't going to. At the moment she was feeling low enough for things she did not even remember doing to him. If he could just spit it out and get it off his chest, that would be good. When he insisted on being cryptic and dragging things out, she hated it.

"Well then," he lifted both hands, palms up, "let me refresh your memory."

That sounded ominous but at least she would finally know.

Lex dropped his hands and... oh, good God! He was in a wheelchair! God, no, she hurt him, in her crazed state, she did something to him! Her heart was already pounding, horror running all the way up her spine. No, anything but that! Anything but that! He already survived Zod, he didn't need anymore! She stepped back then forward, unable to decided if she wanted to go to him or flee before he made it around the desk. Both hands clenched at her sides when she saw his legs, the lack of them below the knee, but she refused to cover her mouth like she really wanted to. She has to be in control of her reactions or she might make this worse. Her feet moved her forward, unable to stop herself from getting closer.

If she did this she deserved to see, to stare him in the eye and take whatever he dished out. Whatever he said, whatever he did, she would deserve and she would not deny him by running away like she frequently did when she couldn't face things. Retribution was richly deserved for whatever she had done. It occurred to her that he could hurt her now, she was human; if he tried she would not resist, she knew that too.

"I'll spend the rest of my life in this chair because of you." He told her bitterly, watching her flinch with satisfaction, "You claimed you saw me swerving out of control and you jumped in front of me to save me with your super powers... but when I jerked the wheel, my Porsche flipped end over end and wrapped around the guardrail. We were pinned inside."

That noise she had been hearing got a whole lot louder suddenly. She shook her head, her feet retreating this time, "That's not what happened!"

"If it was up to me, you'd be rotting in jail, but my father insisted you go to that mental hospital instead. Anything to impress Martha Kent with his kindness."

"This... isn't real." She denied more to herself than him, so bewildered she could have fainted.

"Really?" He whispered huskily, and then the rage flooded out as he yelled, advancing on her with the chair this time, "Open your eyes, you crazy bitch! Does this look like a trick to you? I can assure you, it's real!" Then the rage drained away to leave his eyes glistening as he bowed his head for a moment.

Clair inched forward again, unable to help it. No, no, he couldn't cry. He was going to cry, he was hurting, he was upset.

"If there's one thing I regret in my life, it's that I didn't just run you over."

Clair twitched, a flinch through her whole body. Oh, wow, yeah, that hurt. Not that she didn't understand, if what he said was true, she didn't blame him. But suddenly she realized a detail she hadn't before. He had said; "we were pinned inside." Who was the passenger? Who had he yet to name? She could not bring herself to ask. Whatever the answer was she felt sure she did not want to know.

"You did this," he told her, "and it's almost worse if you don't remember! You ruined my life and you're telling me you honestly have no idea?" Lex sounded broken, wrecked, and she had to make that stop.

Clair was on her knees in front of his chair before she knew she'd sunk there, her fingers curling around the icy bars attached to the wheels, "Lex..." there was so much she wanted to say, denials, assurances, apologies, but her mouth settle on, "what can I do? What can I do to fix this? What do you want? What do you need? Name it!" Real or not, it was real to him.

He looked at her, on her knees in front of him, and she saw the flash behind his eyes. She realized exactly what she must look like suddenly, and what must have flickered in his mind as to what she could do to make it up to him. Once he told her she was innocent but she was not innocent enough not to understand a few fundamentals. As much as he hated her, it probably added to the appeal. It was almost a surprise to realize that she would not refuse him if he asked, she would do anything if it meant he might feel a little better. Maybe he saw that in her eyes too, because he blinked down at her a moment, the glacial chill almost thawed, but then it was replaced by a sneer.

"That's kind of the point, isn't it? You can't fit it. Destroying someone's life isn't something you can take back." He told her sagely, but at least the welling tears were gone, he was collected again.

All she could do was stare up at him while her heart fell in little crushed pieces around her on the floor. It was not supposed to be like this. She came so close to losing him to Zod, but even then, she knew he was in there, still loving her. They came through that and things were not supposed to get that bad again. They were supposed to be through the worst that could happen. She had believed nothing could be worse than nearly having to kill him, nearly having him ripped away, but looking into his eyes now showed her she was wrong. Lex not loving her, Lex hating her was worse than knowing all that was left of him was a body.

"Out of curiosity, what do you remember about me? What am I to you, in your little world? Why did you come to me and expect me to help you?"

"You..." she hesitated, working out what she could say, "you're Lex Lurthor, powerful, brilliant, cunning... but you're also kind, good. You help people if you can. You are brave, loyal, you would do anything for your friends. You've always had my back when I needed you." She looked away, licking at her lower lip, struggling. "You are the best friend, my best friend. Since we met, we've always been close. Even though we both have our secrets, we are always there for each other."

He scoffed, "Because you saved my life? Right? Because I would never associate with rural, fruit stand, small town dirt like you otherwise, I would have no reason to look your direction. You're not even intelligent like Martha. Only in a fantasy world would you be worth my time. You and your lost orphan sob story."

All right, ouch, brutal, though not inaccurate, which made it hurt more. Her shoulders curled up to her ears protectively, like pulling into her shell would protect her from the razor words. "Yeah," she admitted quietly, "I've said that before too."

"I suppose I told you otherwise? Did I say you were a hero so you were _special_?"

"You-" she choked on her own words but tried to keep her voice as even as possible, "you told me you loved me."

Lex laughed, covering his face with one hand, "Of course. I should have _known_."

Clair leaned forward, unthinking, seeking comfort, and rested her head on the top of his leg, hardly noticing the lack of anything farther than the knee. "I'm sorry."

For not having powers Lex was still fast. He wheeled himself backward before she knew he was going to move. It was almost tangible, the rage and hate, like the air was crackling with unseen flames around him. If he had a gun she would say he would have used it. She knew she made a dire mistake. Lex could be nothing but a floating head and she would not care, would not look at him differently, but such was not the case in his own mind. Seeing as she was the cause of his pain he would be even less inclined to want her as a reminder.

He pointed at her, lips so drawn they weren't even there, both pain and anger, perhaps even shame sharp in his eyes, "Don't ever touch me! You don't ever touch me again! You make me sick, you lunatic! Get out of my sight!" His voice was near to shrill on the last word.

She back away on her hands and knees, head bowed low because she didn't know what else to do and she was crying and didn't want him to catch it. Once she backed away enough she scrambled to her feet and turned for the door. The world was blurry but she knew where everything was well enough not to need to see. The best thing she could do would be to get away. Security might be on the way anyway after all the shouting that had gone on. She couldn't really breathe for holding in the sobs anyway and she kind of needed to get away so she could cry and breathe again.

Again. Again she had lost him. This was no different than if he was dead for he was no less out of reach, perhaps having his hate while he lived felt worse. How many times was she meant to have what she loved snatched cruelly away and be expected to stay sane? Dazed by grief and the sickened understanding, she moved like a wounded doe, staggering like she had been shot as she threw herself out his door and raced for the stairs. The elevator no longer sounded like a good idea. A very fast go down the stairs might do her a bit of good, and if she was lucky she would break her neck and die on the way.

* * *

Lex blinked at the floor, hardly noticing it as he walked beside the body snatcher. On the flight over she told him she needed Kryptonite. Survival dictated that he give that phantom what it wanted, do as it said, but he didn't want to.The portion of his spirit not utterly crushed by loss insisted he keep fighting. It was not over till it was over, they said. He had given it what he had stashed in his vault but it insisted politely that it would need more than a few rocks. It was rather interesting the way the rocks lost color when she touched them, like the necklace. Absently, he wondered if Clair could do that as well and that was why the necklace lost its green.

"What is your name, anyway?" He asked to avoid it's question inquiring after more rocks, because he did know where there was more.

"My name is Bizzaro."

At least she didn't insult him by telling him to call her Clair again. If she was in a talking mood he would do his best to get anything out of her he could. Maybe if he let her talk enough he would get information on how to kill the beast. It was worth a try and it was all the fight he had left in him at present. All he could really think about was getting back to that barn. He could still hear the whimper she made as he was being flown away, even past the dog barking. He would not forgive this monster, either monster, for that.

"What exactly are you?"

She smiled sweetly but it did not reach her eyes, "I'm a Kryptonian lab experiment they lost control of. I didn't go as planned, but then, they had that problem often." She leaned in conspiratorially, "Like with Brainiac."

"Brainiac?" He questioned.

"The Brain-Interactive-Construct. You know him as Milton Fine."

Well, at least she was informative.

"How did you find your way here?"

"A mixture of a few variables. Zod, Brainiac, Kara-El. Many things played a part in my escape."

He had to ask but he did not want to, "What are your plans now that you escaped?"

"I'm going to work with you, of course. I'll make you the greatest, most powerful man on the planet. The world will be yours, and maybe even beyond this world if you are feeling ambitious. We get to do anything we want." Her smile was playful and now it did reach her eyes, maybe because she was talking about world conquest, but she persisted, "Now, about that Kryptonite?"

There was little he could really do to put her off so he simply told her where some of his storage of it was. He told her only of the one that would already have been compromised rather than let her anywhere near highly staffed areas. It was as safe a place as he was bound to find. He even offered to drive her and intentionally went the speed limit, though she thankfully did not seem to mind. If anything she seemed relaxed, belying the killer that was seated beside him with her serene smile as she watched things go by. He rather expertly dodged the initial squad of local police that had begun to search. Judging by the low number on the main road they were sneaking around, they had not found the clone bodies yet. Most of the evidence was inside and they had not ventured in. As of yet, with no evidence of injury, they had no reason to rush entering an unsafe structure that should have been empty.

That reminded him, he would need to send a clean up crew to get in there before authorities did so they could clean up the evidence. He shot off a text to get that moving. Had he been in his right mind he would have done that some time ago rather than walking around in a haze and lacking the will of self preservation. There needed to be something left of him once he got Clair back, because he would. He came away from an alien, so could she.

It was a little more than surprising when he saw one of Clair's friends perched on one of the not as crumbled portions of wall. He pulled the car off before they got onto the dangerous zone, the gravel crunching loudly under the tires and alerting the trespassers to visitors. She looked their way, eyes darting up, down and over them like a hawk. She was pretty but intense in a way that made him distrust her. The woman simply had appeared out of thin air but she was a frequent visitor anywhere Clair was so he was less than totally shocked. She had something in her hand but she hid it rather quickly once she saw the car. Her name was Raya, he thought.

It did startle him a bit that Bizzaro seemed interested in the woman too, sitting up a bit when she spotted her. Maybe she was one of the Phantoms and Clair simply had never noticed. Clair was always far too trusting for her own well being. Somehow he would not even be surprised. Fine had hovered around her long enough without her ever noticing, why not another one?

They both got out, though he was intentionally slower about it, not eager to find out what might be waiting next. He was alone against them after all.

"K-Kl-Clair." Raya obviously had issues with that name and her eyes kept drifting to him.

"Hello, Raya!" Bizzaro greeted sunnily.

"Clair," Raya just kept fixing her eyes to him and progressively lowering her voice, "I need to speak with you. I picked up a signal... a disturbance..."

Bizzaro strolled over to her casually, "A beacon? Who?"

Raya finally gave up pretending not to be eyeing him, "Yours, in a way."

"I'm sure it's nothing. If it is, I'll take care of it." Bizzaro was still smiling but he noticed her voice lowering again where she had made sure to keep it like Clair's before.

Then Bizzaro moved and it was so fast he could hardly track it, and then both were moving faster than his human eyes could actively handle. Rock was breaking, stone was suddenly heating, there was glass on the ground when there shouldn't be, and all he could really do was stand there with his mouth hanging open. What the hell? Were they fighting? Then they were less of a blur, locked together in a battle stance and there was fire or a beam of something coming from their eyes and he was feeling very outmatched, enough that he retreated behind his car. It wouldn't do him much good but it made him feel like it would help.

"After all this time, Raya!" Bizarro growled, "Jor-El's little pet! I'm curious, was he your father figure or was he stepping out on Lara with you?"

Raya made a very un-pretty sound and broke the vision thing to lunge at her opponent... meaning that must have struck a cord. Except things went very badly suddenly. Bizzaro's hand was stuck in Raya's side in that signature he had distinguished her with. The other phantom didn't rip out the heart or liver alone, it just shredded victims. This phantom liked to watch a kill. The girl made some horrible chocking sounds but she didn't scream. He however, felt like he swallowed large rocks when Bizzaro ripped something out and tossed it, and it landed on the hood of his car. If he was religious he would be praying, and maybe he was praying anyway because he was whispering words rather desperately without knowing what they were.

The phantom slammed the other girl into the ground, cracking it beneath them and splintering it more as she rained down blow upon blow. Things were on fire again and Lex was fighting not to curl up on the ground. He was afraid and under the circumstances he thought he should be. But as much as the battle worried him, the sudden silence did nothing to make him relax. Bizzaro stood, the manic glee in her eyes only dampened by her obvious injuries. She actually looked pretty bad.

He should have warned Raya, should have said something, but he wasn't expecting her to act, he thought she planned to play the part. He was trying to keep his breathing even and natural and definitely not hyperventilate. It was effort but he kept himself standing straight and kept his expression calm as Bizzaro moved toward him. The girl was dead and he couldn't change that, all he could do was try to stay in control so it didn't happen again.

Lex took several involuntary steps back when the phantom extended her hand to him, but the look of warning she gave him made him come back. He did not want to hold her hand but he did it anyway in hopes it might let him keep it.

"Let's go. I really need the Kryptonite now."

He did not want to go. He wanted to run away but a Luthor did not run.

It surprised him when she dragged the body with them. He did not want to know what she planned to do with it. Rather than thinking too much he just lead the way into the undamaged sections and to the still dry rooms that housed him supply, all undamaged by the flood. She stopped at one end of the room and made him open the door, then made him drag out one of the containers. At that point he was just obeying, doing whatever she asked. When she told him to open in and give some to Raya he hardly paused, though he did wonder what she thought it would do to a dead girl.

He didn't have a syringe so he cupped his hands and did the easiest thing he could think of and pored some into her mouth. When her body arched off the floor and she let out a scream, he was scrambling away in a near crab walk, anything to get away. He watched her convulse and desperately tried to understand why when he thought she was already dead. Her veins began to stand out from her skin, dark green. Horror was not the right word for his emotions as he watched her twist and jerk on the floor until at long last she stilled.

Bizzaro watched her a long while, grin on her face. When she seemed satisfied that it was over she moved forward, cupped her own hands and scooped the green liquid into one of her wounds. She winced, obviously pained, but then he watched the wound fade away and the large container turn white. Was that how Clair healed herself as well? It might make sense.

Lex watched her enter his vault and watched it all light up in a strange sort of show before the green all faded away. It was at that point he wondered what he had done, just how badly he had screwed himself and the world over. He had to do something! How exactly did he fix something like this when he didn't know it's weaknesses, only its strength?

* * *

 Thunder rolled overhead and Clair glanced at the sky wondering if truly her luck could be quite that poor, that it was really going to start raining on her. It was fitting, she guessed, considering she was standing with her hands deep in her pockets, hunched in her stance, staring up at a penthouse in Metropolis. Since she was essentially stalking her other world love, she guessed she would deserve to be rained on.

She had been made stupid by her grief, she knew that, but she had no energy to care. Some security detail would notice a girl lurking around and connect the dots, it was inevitable. It just stopped mattering. All she wanted in the world was to have him back and the blinds were up, offering her tiny snatches of him as he moved about. The lights were on inside and it was getting dark outside, letting her see better.

In desperation she even went to the caves and found no drawing, no secret room, no key to Jor-El. Part of her hoped this was an alternate dimension and her real world was still out there but another part of her wondered if she was indeed insane. Wasn't the real sign of insanity that _your_ reality different from _everyone_ else? If the whole world was wrong and differed for your reality, then it probably wasn't the world that was wrong, but you. And, well, her reality was something you found in bad pulp-fiction.

The sky opened up, fat drops of rain falling rapidly and she laughed manically, unable to hold it back. How pathetic was the world anyway? How pathetic was her real life? Or was it her fake life? Her clothing turned darker one drop at a time, hair starting to dampen, and her skin began to prickle with cold. The cold, that sensation was such a strange one, more than most of the other things. She was getting cold and _noticing_ it. Humanity. That's what it was. Unpleasant. To think she always wanted this when she couldn't have it!

Lex was inside, dry and warm. She was glad for that and could not bring herself to be envious; it was not like she had to stay where she was, she wanted to be here to be near him. There were no other places that were at all like home. The farm was essentially gone even if it was still standing it was not hers. The mansion was home to her worst enemy and a stranger that dressed richly and spoke to her like Clair was a loved pet but dangerous and potentially rabid. The Talon was as desolate as anything she had seen and Chloe's location was unknown.

Her eyes remained on the windows, mostly unfocused as she thought about her situation and wondered mildly why she bothered watching what she could no have.

It wasn't long before the rain turned into the kind where she wondered if the sky was trying actively to drown them. It was Kansas after all, where the sky occasionally did have it out for people on land. She could believe it and at times like this it didn't seem far fetched. But Lex wheeled by a window and made her forget the rain.

She had nothing to corroborate what she knew to be true, nothing but her memory, clear and sharp and more real than anything else she had seen. Having no proof, no evidence of all the things they had been through together, all the pain and joy, there was nothing to say they were anything to each other at all. She wished they had taken more pictures together, enough that maybe she could find just one that Lionel had missed in his cover-up that she could hold up as proof that they were something to each other once... that he had been her world, that they would do anything for each other.

When she got back she would insist they take some since she wished she had something to hang onto when he looked at her with dead, hostile, or indifferent eyes. She would give anything to see him look at her the way he used to, like she was his world too. Even his obsession with the rooms dedicated to her anonymous saves was better than his indifference or worse, his hate; no, his indifference was worst because when he hated her at least there was something in his eyes, a feeling. Hate was not love, it was not the right feeling, but it was still something real and tied to a strong emotion.

Lex looked at most people with calculating, cold, distanced indifference. He was never supposed to look at her that way.

It really made her want to step out onto some highway, and being as she was now, it would actually work rather than denting a car. Granted, she wouldn't do it, but she did have the desire because it would hurt so much less. Krytonite bullets had nothing on Lex and what he could do to her. She felt more lost than she ever had before, even when she found out she was "not from around here."

Her phone buzzed insistently until she opened it, "Clair," Alic's relieved voice crashed into her, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine." She stated simply.

"Clair, have you thought about what I told you?"

"I don't remember the ring. I'm sorry." She had been so raw from her talk with Lex that she'd listened when he talked but none of it had made much sense. Alic always had an uncanny ability to find her in either world. She had not been surprised that he was the one to keep figuring out her hiding places. She doubted he would guess she was here though.

"That's fine, it will come with time. We're meant to be together, I know it. If you could accept it, let it in, you'd know it too. I love you so much!"

"I love you too." Clair stopped, eyes wide, horrified by her automatic response. She said it without even thinking, like it was natural, because it had been once. They loved each other once but now all she felt was guilt. "I've got to go." She hung up.

When her nose started to run, an unpleasant and disgusting experience, and her body shook like a leaf, she relented and moved herself to the ramp because there was an awning to keep the rain off her.  She sat down, curled into a ball and leaned against the door, trying to stop her teeth from chattering. It was miserable but she was as content as she had been since waking up. Her eyes closed and she willed herself to fall asleep and go back to the place she wanted to be. After a few minutes she did drift into a fitful sort of half sleep, at least until the door jerked open and she toppled onto her back.

Clair found herself looking up, still drenched and probably looking like a drowned rat, at Lex as he glared down.

"You have to be kidding." He rolled his eyes, looking put upon and frustrated, "You seriously were waiting out in a storm? Why, to ambush me when I left tomorrow? You realize you're going to get sick, right?"

Clair ran her sleeve under her nose and sniffled, probably proving him right, and he rolled his eyes again, "No, I wasn't expecting to see you. You kind of just opened the door without warning."

"Then why, may I ask, were you stupidly camping out on my door?" He growled, getting agitated.

"I..." She shifted into a sitting position, akimbo at the base of his chair trying to ignore the discomfort of wet clothing, "guess I didn't know where to go. When I don't know what to do or I need advice, you're the one I always go to. You're really the only person I always listen to. You always know what to do. You're always right and you're always there for me. I listen to you over anyone, as much as it annoys my parents. Coming here, sitting on your porch was as close as I could get."

She didn't say she just wanted to be near him even if she couldn't be with him.

"So you decided to sit in the rain for a few hours?" He asked, incredulous.

She shrugged her shoulders in answer, eyes downcast. At least the floor around the door was tile so she wasn't destroying his expensive looking carpet, but it was cold.

Lex shut the door and wheeled away, leaving her there only to reappear and throw a couple towels at her face. Lucky for her, even without powers she still have good reflexes. She wrapped the longest one around herself and used the smaller one to dry her hair as much as she could. He simply watched her, studying her like a prospective client or enemy.

"Thanks." She offered, because she was thankful and it was rude not to. "I'm surprised you let me in after-" Well, forget the after part.

He linked his fingers under his chin, still studying her, "I shouldn't have. You deserve to catch pneumonia and die."

"You never were one to pull punches." She muttered, but he heard.

"Don't talk like you know me!" He snapped.

Clair frowned, made more irritable by being cold, "I do know you! We've been friends for years! You just don't remember! I don't know what happened while I was out, but something did! Maybe we're both in a nightmare, I couldn't tell you yet, but I intend to figure it out with or without your help. Your father is behind it and it's going to get fixed."

His eyes grew hard and angry but he didn't say anything at first, "My father is quiet brilliant. He made sure you were put on trial for what you did to me and Lana together. You were declared not guilty. Not because anyone thought you were innocent but 'by reason of mental defect.' That way, if Lana ever died you've already been tried and it couldn't be brought up again even if you recovered you sanity. If they tried to put you on trial there'd be that verdict to contend, making it nearly impossible to pin you down. Brilliant really, since he wanted your mother."

Clair's mouth went dry and she suddenly found it harder to breathe, "Lana? She was with you?"

His upper lip curled, "Yes, and she's been in a coma since, condition never changed. You knew her from your town." He slapped an open palm on the armrest, "She was in the peace corp, she was a humanitarian with everything to give the world until you snuffed out her light! She did more good than you ever could, even in that dream world of yours but you still _dare_ to act like the victim?"

Lana in a coma? She did that? Part of her wondered what happened to Lana in this alternate world but she'd just been hoping things worked out better for her. It seemed she ruined Lana's life no matter what she did or where she was. If this was an alternate reality she fell into, it wasn't a kind one. No one was much better off, or at least few were. Maybe more people lived normal lives without the meteors but who was to say they never met a fate just as bad? But then, from the sound of it, Lana only met a bad end because of her, just like Lex had. She was the catalyst for bad things in any world, now wasn't she? How utterly depressing.

"She was my whole world!" He bellowed, but the fight drained from him alarmingly fast, "Can you understand that?"

Tears spilled over and down her cheeks, and all she managed was a quiet, shaky, "Yes. Completely."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the show Clark only ever fought phantoms one-on-one, but I was just curious to know what would have happened if they teamed up. Bizzaro proved willing to work with others such as Brainiac to achieve a goal. (Since Lana never got powers and burst into Lex's lab, our evil AI won't be getting out of that tube any time soon either) So why not a phantom that could be just as interested in working with a partner? Just a theory I played with.


	8. Chapter 8

Haunted-Taylor Swift

Dream-Imagine Dragons

* * *

"She was my whole world!" He bellowed, but the fight drained from him alarmingly fast, "Can you understand that?"

Tears spilled over and down her cheeks, and all she managed was a quiet, shaky, "Yes. Completely." She swiped at her face quickly to remove the pitiful wet tracks.

It was a little hard to breathe. Or maybe a lot hard, like the air in the room was simply gone and she was more than human enough to suffer right away from it. Maybe that was why Lana and Lex felt in the water. Or, wait, no, she seemed to remember Lex saying the car wrapped around the rail, so no water was involved but the helplessness of humanity still was an element.

The first time she had been human she had not appreciated it so keenly even though working on the farm meant she was dead tired all the time. Maybe it was because she was younger then and things did not strike her as easily. Her former self seemed so very young to her now, so incompetently inexperienced in life and the world that never offered happy endings. She used to think the mutants would be her biggest problems in life, before her alien father began to really tamper or other Kryptonians bent on revenge made themselves a staple. Looking back she could think of those days as easy. The pain of seeing Pete look longingly at Chloe seemed very trivial now that she knew what real heartbreak felt. Things had been. so. simple.

Lex studied her intently, his molten, shining eyes intense as he lifted his chin. He must have seen a reflection of his own sorrow in her because he nearly softened, "How does that differ in your little world?"

"It doesn't. People I love get hurt in my world too. Lana... was hurt in an accident where I'm from too."

"No." He stated, confusing her for a moment, "What have you lost?"

Clair's intake was shaky, "Many things. If I really did invent another world... you would think I'd make it a happier place than this one. They say I invented a place to make me feel safe but that can't be right because I never felt safe. It wasn't perfect and I wasn't as happy as I should have been if I made it all up. The only thing that made me really happy was you."

"But in your world, you still have your father?"

That nearly gagged her, "Yes."

"He died a little before my accident, you know? Everyone said that was what pushed you over the edge."

She nodded, shutting her eyes, "So my mother tried to tell me. I could see that, if it was true. I almost lost him once, in my world, and you... I've lost you several times, but you always manage to fight your way back."

"Me? You've lost me?" She got the feeling he was fighting not to scoff. "That's your guilt, you know? Subconscious guilt trying to tell you the truth. All the bad things that happen in your world are projections. Don't you see that?"

Clair slapped her hand against her thigh, surprised by how it stung, "I like my world better! At least there I have you and my father, two of the only men in the world I love more than anything!"

Lex didn't react, he just linked his slender, pianist fingers and looked at her, "So we're lovers? I suppose you make me happy there? Give my life meaning?"

"You give your own life meaning, you don't need me for that." She struggled not to hiss at him.

"And what do I give you?" His question threw her and took all the wind from her sails.

He should have asked what hadn't he given her. He gave her the moon, the world, his all. For all the secrets he was still the one she trusted more than anything and she knew he trusted her. She was a fallen angel if she was an angel at all but he still looked at her like she could fly. He believed in her when she couldn't believe in herself. He was the realist to her fancy; iron will to her avoidance; graceful to her blundering; strategic stop to her thoughtless rush; Sageeth to her Naman; they were balance; they were together in their isolation. God, she loved him! He was the missing half of her, she really thought he was.

"You made me feel safe. I'd never felt that with anyone before. I felt like you were there and if I fell, you'd catch me. You were-" Her voice cracked and broke, enough that she had to take a minute, "You were my whole world too. I knew, for a long time, that without you I wouldn't have a reason to wake up in the morning. When you were taken from me not long ago I understood that I might be invincible, but I would fade without you. I loved you so much I could barely breathe when I was with you and I couldn't breathe at all if you were gone. Immortality was utterly meaningless. Wherever you went, I wanted to go with you."

Lex was quiet, just staring at her, for a long time, then he sniffed and said with a nod; "I understand that. I felt that too, about Lana, only I had no way to follow her. She wasn't dead, she was just gone. If I died and she woke up I'd never forgive myself for leaving her, so all I could do was keep existing. I still am, just waiting for the day she takes the lead and either wakes up or gives me a place to follow her to." He looked away from her as if looking at her was too painful, "I guess we both lost everything to your fantasy world, one way or the other. Ironically, we both lost it to each other. I'll never be able to love you and Lana's condition may never change. Neither of us get to have our world." He still knew exactly what to say, but this time it was to twist the knife.

Clair's body wavered in place from the blow of his words. It would be easier if he beat her to death.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, because she was.

Lex turned his eyes back to her, "I believe you. And... I think I could forgive you if it was just my legs, if you hadn't taken her from me." And they were both silent a very long time before he broke in softly, "You should have that treatment. Maybe you still have a chance, if it makes your reality go away, to have a life. You have someone that loves you. You have a chance to start over if you break with your reality." He smiled sadly, like a broken man facing medieval beheading, "I wish I could hate you enough not to give you that advice, but when you look at me like that... with those puppy eyes... I like this version of you better, you remind me of Lana this way."

"If you can't have Lana... I shouldn't have Alic. I would follow you, even into sorrow, as long as I could share it with you."

The fine muscles in his jaw worked visibly, "Poetic, but foolish. You could have a life. One of us should actually _live_."

Clair frowned as hard as her face was capable, willing him to understand, "I don't _want_ Alic, I want _you_."

"You can't have that. You want a man that doesn't exist outside your mind. Your Lex doesn't exist!" His eyes hardened a bit, his voice gaining the usual command, "You said you always listened to me, made choices based on my advice, so listen now."

She snatched his hand into hers, desperate to make him understand, "I can't! Not that! I don't want to forget you!" She shook her head, fighting to blink away the tears, "I can't... not have you."

He let her keep his hand and he squeezed hard on her fingers, "You already lost me. I'm not yours, I never was."

Her breathing turned harsh with her herculean effort not to sob but it was obvious he saw it for what it was, and how could he not. His touch gentled to something kind and comforting, "If it's fake," she gasped, "why do I know so much about you? Where you live, what color you like, what you drink?"

"It's nothing you could not read, Clair." He told her, non pulsed.

"What about Julien? I know what really happened to him."

"Julien?" He arched a brow, shifting into interest, "Who is Julien?"

Her jaw dropped slack, because his expression was unguarded the way it always was when he was offered a puzzle, his interest was forward and ignited. It wasn't his look of avoidance the way it would have been had he recognized the name and lied. They lied to each other enough for her to see the difference. There were times he lied well enough to make her wonder if he was telling partial truth, but she always knew a bold face lie, even if she occasionally wished to believe him anyway. Her body recoiled, pulled back and away from him, suddenly aware on some level that more was wrong than she first supposed, like it recognized him no more and saw a stranger. She could not touch him because he wasn't real, she didn't believe it. She tried to swallow but her mouth was dry. If he didn't know that name what should that tell her? Either he was right or someone went to a lot of trouble to make him forget things.

A click at the front door shook her attention and pulled it away from the man in the chair. Like he had been summoned by the earlier mention of his name, Alic was there, moving in through the front door, a key in hand like he had known where to find it. When he saw her, the tension faded from his face and a gentle smile replaced it. Thank goodness she had moved back when she did or she would still be holding Lex's hand. Clair stared at him, unable to move, but then she glanced wide eyed between Alic and Lex, feeling like she had betrayed them both at the same time.

"Lionel called me, thought I might be able to talk you into leaving peacefully." Alic told her softly.

"What?" Clair choked, suddenly feeling a lot more trapped. "I-" there was nothing she could even say.

Lex hadn't called anyone, at least. He had offered her that token of monumental kindness but the older Luthor would never show such mercy. It swelled her affection for this Lex and her hatred of Lionel. Though when had she become so full of anger? It didn't feel normal, all that rage even though she thought it was justly earned. Her ire was for good reasons but lately she had mentally been using hate in her vocabulary and meaning it.

"Come with me, Clair?" Alic pleaded, still softly, extending his hand to her like she was a dog he wanted to come to him.

"Lionel sent you?" Clair asked because she just needed to be sure, "He's here?"

"He's not here." Alic shook his head, "but he did send me, but I wanted to come. I want you to come back with me. I know this is hard for you and it's confusing, but we want to help you. We want you to have your life back. I want us to have our life back, Clair."

Clair laughed, she couldn't help it, even though tears pooled in her eyes, "I don't have a life! There is no _us_. That's what you don't seem to get! I don't even know you, Alic. I met you on an elevator in high school as far as I remember. Nothing you've told me, not that vending machine ring, not the promises, nothing was real. What I remember is that you once tried to kill me." She laughed again, unable to stop, "We almost got married when you drugged me though, so there is that. The you I remember broke a promise to keep my secret and tried to get my story in the paper. And we did date... but you, the you in this world, I don't remember. I don't know anyone here, not even myself."

"Oh, Clair..." Alic looked at her with such sympathy in his perfect face it hurt and she allowed him to pull her stiff form into his arms, though she never noticed him getting that close. "Sweet Clair. It's going to be all right. You're gonna get better."

"Get away from her! She doesn't need to get better!" A new though familiar voice commanded from the door. "I told you, Clair, you couldn't trust them."

All eyes turned on Chloe and her gun. At first it was hard to make that idea stick in her brain because there should be no gun in her friend's hand. What was that going to solve? Why would she threaten any of them? But maybe she knew things Clair didn't. This new, alternate world did seem a lot more dangerous than theirs. Things were confusing and terrifying.

"Wait," Lex seemed to decide now was the time to step in again, "there is no need for guns. We're alone here, no guards."

"Sure," Chloe spat, "Luthor's always tell the truth. I'm just here to get Clair back, away from you people before you hurt her more than you already have."

"Don't listen to Chloe, Clair! She's not stable, she was in Fairview with you." Alic told her. "You can't go anywhere with her, you need to stay with me!"

Trust Alic over Chloe? That would never happen, not so long as she could still remember everything they had gone through. She could never bring herself to trust Alic again. Lex on the other hand, she would have a hard time convincing herself not to follow him blindly. But Chloe was right, none of this was right, not for them. This couldn't be their world. It might be someone's, but not theirs.

"Shut up!" Chloe snarled. "Don't listen to him, we're not crazy, we're just the only two that know the truth."

Clair nodded a bit absently, her hands shaking a little.

"Let's all stay calm..." Lex put in with a soothing voice like he could hypnotize.

That noise was louder again, like it responded to distress, droning on in the foreground of sound. Instinct took over and Clair shoved Alic behind her while she stepped in the direct path of any bullets. Having either man in the path of a bullet, whether she knew this incantation of them or not, was not anything she was comfortable with.

Chloe arched a brow and cocked her head, "Clair, your powers are on the fritz, you can't stop bullets right now, you need to move."

Clair shook her head, not sure of anything but the need to keep everyone safe, "I know, but listen, this is a bad idea. No one needs to get hurt!"

"Their after us, Clair! I'm protecting you!" Chloe half yelled.

Clair stepped closer, getting more agitated the more tightly wound her friend seemed, "I know, but let's just go. We can still get away. We'll just slip away, we don't need to use a gun. Please?"

She lowered the gun, radiating annoyance, "Yeah, fine, let's go before we're trapped here in Luthor hell." Chloe waved the barrel at the air, "But I'm keeping it. You're never willing to do what it takes to defend yourself, so I have to do it for you."

There wasn't much she could say, though she nearly apologized, because it was true. It must be a lot of pressure on her friend, even more so in a world where nothing was as it should be. Clair rushed forward, taking Chloe's hand, pulling her for the back stairs, or, well, ramp and hopefully freedom. They just needed to run away, cool off, and clear their heads. That was all they needed. That and to get home, obviously.

They could work things out like they always did. This was nothing more than another Wall-of-Weird episode they needed to get out off in some highly clever twist of genius and internet searching.

The rain was over but the streets were drenched. She was glad at least, that they would not drown on the way to wherever they planned to go. Rain was needed for things to grow but somehow she hated it. The water clung to everything, sending out a spray as Clair brushed against a tree branch on the way around the side of the ramp.

Chloe jerked to attention first, but Clair saw the men a second later. They were coming out of the cars on the street. Maybe they'd been waiting a while. They should have considered that. Should have expected Lionel to send more than a friendly face.

"Just relax." One of them said, but the other was already pulling his gun.

They were not going to get away.

Panic started to fire up in Clair's brain while the world began to move in slow motion. Chloe was moving, moving to aim in return, and before any logic could be spoken a single shot had been fired. Chloe gasped, stumbling back and Clair had her arms around her, easing her down, whispering denials like they would make it all go away. She watched, helpless, unable to stop it as life fled from her best friend. It was worse than when she held Lana because she had to watch it drain away and there was nowhere to put her hands that would stop it from leaving.

She rocked her gently, still whispering futile denial of the situation until they pulled her off by the arms. It really was an awful feeling, being unable to resist the hands and arms pulling at her, removing her from the person she wanted to stay near, removing her ability of choice; until this world she never felt it so keenly, the helpless inability of weakness. Weakness was the worst of feelings, helplessness a pain too keen to endure. Their fingers dug into the flesh of her arms and it felt draining, much more than it had when she had been in the asylum.

She screamed, screamed so loud it hurt and made her voice crack surprisingly fast, but they ignored it all. They ignored the pleas and protests and loud demands. They ignored the blood and the body like they had nothing to do with it. Humanity could be cold, more so an the AI that should have far less range of emotion.

She didn't put up a fight after the initial first few moments, everything went numb and she retreated into the feeling, leaving her body on autopilot and pliant with shock. She only mildly noticed Lex watching from the window. There was pity in his eyes but not love, which made it all the worse. She let herself shut down completely.

* * *

Bizarro was smiling at him from her perch on the edge of his desk. He kept waiting for the glass to break under her but it was surprisingly resilient, more than he ever would have given it credit for before. Lex diligently pretended to be doing important things, pulling up complicated paperwork he hoped she would not feel the motivation to read or look over. Ultimately he was stalling at absolutely every turn, waiting for something to offer him the chance to run back to that barn. There were a few plans bouncing around in his head about what he might do once he got there, but he had to actually get there. So far she had not left his side. He was beginning to be desperate enough to pretend to go to the bathroom and then slip out the window.

If he could think of something to keep her occupied and away from kill-able humans he probably would do exactly that. Letting her go, letting her kill would mean Clair would be blamed. He could not let that happen.

He had come to an understanding, a self awareness of the sheer intensity of his feelings for Clair during the time he spent with her double. Lex cared about nothing more than he did Clair; not power or money; not the lives of his enemies in his palm; not his life; he did not even care if all the world burned. Obsession so intense and consuming that he would willingly walk to his death for it should have terrified him but he could not bring himself to care. There was noting he would not do for her, no lengths too extreme. No lines existed when it involved her. He would sell the world for her, destroy anything without hesitation. It was hard to draw the line when you were protecting someone, he always knew that, but now he understood how limitless his definition of a line was in just this one case.

Ultimately, he had murdered one of Clair's friends, watched her die a clearly painful death, and yet all he could think about was the girl he loved and what he learned from that. There had been a great many universe travelers in Smallville of late, and they all seemed a bit different. One of his plans involved taking a bit of that green rock to that barn and toying with what it could do to that monster trying to hurt her. By now it might have taken over her body but that was of no consequence. Zod was proof enough that killing the alien freed the host. All he had to do was kill the alien, find its weakness, and it's hold would fail. Simple enough.

It seemed unfair that the last alien they had to deal with had only been a month prior. One month that he spent desperately trying to reestablish his place with Clair so she felt safe with him. She loved him, she trusted him, but there had been a distinct setback in their forward motion.

Clair was his world, his treasure, his salvation or damnation; the other half of a whole, the flip side of his soul, the balance. He could not exist without her and had no desire to.

 A breath against his ear scraped him back to himself very quickly, just like the hand smoothing down his chest had him tensing. The lips mouthing at his neck, just behind his ear were very much a shock to his system because it was not fair they she knew about that. Clair knew about that, that place that made him shiver, but this girl shouldn't know exactly where to go on the map of his body. She should not be touching him with Claire's hand or Clair's mouth.

His mind recoiled when she kissed him square on the mouth, but his body leaned into it, not seeming to grasp that the object of his fantasy life, his every daydream, was not actually here. She looked the same but there was such a grave difference. His mind and body battled when a tongue dabbed at his lower lip, and to his absolute horror, his teeth unclenched and allowed her entry to lick and probe the warm cavity of his mouth. His body was not at all caught up with the current events, all it noticed was the right, familiar body sliding onto his lap very gracefully. The press of her thighs over his hips had him gasping, but he was pushing back into the chair to escape all the same.

"Lex" she said, and it was Clair's voice.

He gasped again, fighting his reactions when she was pressed against him and kissing him like she knew all about him. She rocked against the tightness in his pants and he was panting, clawing for some control. His hands were a vice on the chair, not touching her, afraid if he tried to push her away he might involuntarily pull her closer. Luthor's were all about the moment just the way they were about the long game. They could be very patient but they also had a limit of restraint and a pension for anything that made them high. The forbidden held an allure they could hardly escape. The more forbidden it was the greater the draw. Clair was forbidden, had been since the day he met her and Jonathan all but threw him back into the river. Bizaro was also forbidden for very, very different reasons. The Luthor in him was enticed but Lex was appalled.

A sudden flash of the picture of his father with Victoria was all he really needed to find it in himself to slide out from under her, "This is not... the best time." He told her, a little surprised she let him go at all.

She unfurled in his vacated chair, looking disturbingly at home in a seat of power, "Is this because of Raia? Trust me, she was nothing special! All she was..." and there was a sly smirk, "was Clair's daddy's toy. She was so loyal, and she was loyal to Clair only because she had daddy's eyes. Clair is from the stuck up, self-righteous, insane family. Clair's uncle? Even nuttier than her old man, trust me. You don't want to procreate with crazy blood like that. I'm crazy, but I'm the kind that knows it, not the kind that denies ."

Wow, just wow. Procreate? They had never gone far past first or second base! He was not ready, not mentally ready to hear words like that thrown around. "I'm not sure you're aware, but people don't speak too highly of Luthor blood either."

"Don't you even want me to tell you about her family?" Bizarro purred, leaning forward, animal and somehow prowling while she sat still.

"Why would you tell me?"

"Because, like I told you, I'm willing to give you what she won't. I can offer you everything! All your questions, answered, no strings attached."

Lex was shaking, fighting with himself with all his might, because he wanted to accept, wanted her to tell him every single thing, but it was so wrong. He wanted the truth from Clair, not this thing wearing her face, even so, the words that came out were not planned and they were not a no. "Did I hit her with my car?" Predictable question, something in him screamed.

Bizarro leaned back, linking her fingers languidly along the chair arms, triumph written all over every line of her body, "Yes, you did. You're the reason she found out what she really is. Without you and that care, she never would have found out the whole truth. Or maybe just until Daddy dearest decided he wanted her to be his perfect little toy doll. You probably saved her in the long run, from what he would have had planned."

Oxygen, did he need that, because he wasn't getting any. "I was? I did?" He always believed it yet never wanted to believe it since that would mean he almost killed her, would have killed her and died with her had she been anyone else. Cold chills ran up his spine and he felt the need to sit down.

"You shot her once too. She had bruises for weeks, ugly ones. But don't feel too bad, Jonathan Kent shot her once too." She examined her fingernails like they were more interesting than that revelation.

"What?" He sounded like he had been smoking for days on end without pause, "When?"

She smirked, playfully amused, "You were under a pretty powerful influence. You also exploded your on car around the same time, trying desperately to kill her and... Kyle, was it? Kent was under flower power." and she giggled like it was the best joke she ever heard. "Amazing what people do under the right suggestions, conditions. Humans... they aren't all that loyal, are they? They turn on you, all those evil thoughts coming out. Like... I wonder what he must have been thinking when he shot her? Like, all the times she didn't clean her room? Fell asleep during a lecture?" She laughed again, lower, shifting out of Clair's voice marginally.

"I... need to go to the plant. Stay here until I come back. Food is in the fridge, there's TV, games, movies, whatever you want." Lex was moving for the door, desperate to just run.

"Truth is a little hard to hear, huh?"

"I just need to go to the plant." He insisted, still moving hazily for the door.

"Don't you want to hear why she didn't get you out of Bell Reve in time? She did come for you, you know. Broke in even though they might have caught her and learned her precious secrets. But she didn't make it too far. Don't you want to know who stopped her, stopped both of you from getting out?" He could hear her stand from his chair, casual, "You were such a good, loyal friend, screaming and fighting to help her while they dragged her away. You were still desperate to save her when you came around again, trying to help her more than you were trying to escape. She watched the tapes before she edited herself out of them. She left evidence for you, just cut herself out. I think she always expected you to remember eventually."

"Later, just stay here and relax for now. We can... do something when I finish."

"Oh, I hope that means we get to finish up what we started!" Bizarro purred, too low, to different from Clair.

He forced a smile but that  was all he could manage.

"If you're going to see her, I wouldn't bother, by the way. I'm all there is of her and you will see that I'm actually much better."

Lex ran, shutting the door behind him and getting to his fastest car. Maybe he wanted to know, but not like that, not like that. He compartmentalized, boxing up everything he just heard and shoving it as far back in his mind as he could. He didn't have any rock with him but he knew where to get some. There was no time to think about anything else and since she was not following him yet, now was the best time to run. He drove, drove fast in the Lamborghini, drove to the dam and found the biggest chunk he could get his hands on before he raced back to the farm.

When he skidded to a stop, dust flying in a thick spray, he almost expected to find Bizarro waiting, smirking knowingly, but she wasn't. He knew she could be at any moment so he didn't slow down, just jumped out and keyed to a run the second his feet hit the ground. The dog was barking, menacing and worried, he could hear it even before he got inside.

Bizarro might not have been there, but someone else was. Glowing red eyes, a long and dark coat. Fatherly the way he was hovering over Clair, striking in a menacing way, cut a little like the first visitors from he unknown, smooth chocolate skin, reflective for those red eyes. Just a little closer and Clair began to jerk on the ground where she had been still before. The man's expression turned to a frown but he did not react more than turning his eyes frighteningly to focus on Lex. If he did not plan to stop him, Lex did not plan to stay away. The closer he came the more violent her convulsions seemed to be. When he crouched beside her he noticed the black veins coming to the surface, the black spreading like blood flow. It looked familiar but it took him a minute to place the response. It was like Raia's.

It felt like being hit with a car when he realized he was killing her too.  He dug in his pockets urgently, forgetting where he put the rock. When he finally found it he jerked it out and reeled back to throw it out the door.

"No!" The voice was smooth but edged, deep, "Don't! It's working, put it on her chest."

Lex obeyed even though he protested, "It's hurting her!"

"There's no choice, I'm about to loose my hold on her. The phantom will have to leave her if it intends to live. We can't let it take her body."

Clair's teeth ground together so hard he could hear it, her back arching, eyes rolling, body jerking like a seizure. The dog kept barking, displaying the desperation Lex himself was feeling as it pawed at her. Something dark began to rise up from her chest before a red light shot out from somewhere, catching it a dragging it out of her with a shriek of sound. The red glow was gone when Lex looked back and even the glow of the stranger's eyes was gone. The man scooped up the rock and did what Lex initially planned to, throwing it out the door, just missing the car parked haphazardly. 

Clair jolted up, clawing the dirt and screaming, eyes completely wild. The dog licked at her face to comfort her but she hardly noticed, didn't notice when Lex curled his whole body around her either.

"What's wrong with her? Why is she..." Lex did not really know what to say but he needed answers, so he asked the only person that might know why she was crawling away, fighting to get somewhere.

"I... tried to hold onto her, but I had lost hold of all but a strand of her. If you have not come along I'm not sure she... would still be here. It will take her a little time to recollect her mind, regain herself. She will be all right." He said it calmly, like she wasn't rolling on the floor, screams turned to whimpers, eyes lost and so very far away.

"She doesn't look all right!" Lex snapped.

"She will be, given time. She is still herself, it worked, that's all that matters. You should be proud of yourself."

Proud? Proud did not even enter into it! "What the hell did that thing do to her?" Lex rasped, holding her head in his lap like he could will her back together. "What do we do? How do we help her?"

"Get her into the house. She needs rest more than anything." The man turned, actually leaving them with nothing but a parting word of, "I need to deal with Bizarro before she hurts anyone else."

"But... how do I fix her?" Lex asked the vacant, open air where a man used to be. "How..."

It took... some time before she was quiet. He whispered assurances, promises, he begged, and eventually her eyes closed. That did not put him overly at ease but he hoped it was a good sign. She was so still, a little too much like she had been on the hospital beg. He promised her that he would never let one of those things get to her again. He would take care of everything from now on.

Scooping her up, surprised by how limp she was and how heavy, he got her into the house. He decided against taking her to her room so he could keep an easier, closer eye on her. He lined the couch with pillows and covered her shaking body. The Kent's were gone and he dearly wished that they were there. He did not know how to deal with this, not any of it. They should be home, they should be by her side for something like this. Would he tell them about it? Would Clair? Probably not, probably never. 

A few hours later and she blinked awake, looking lost, afraid, haunted, vacant, as so very, very young, younger than when he first met her. She just looked... utterly lost. Small, and small was not something he expected to equate with her. She might try to make herself small, intentionally taking up as little space as possible, but she was a presence that could never be ignored. She should not look so fragile, like a strong wind might shatter her. He hit her with his car once and left no mark, but it was the marks no one saw that destroyed people, wasn't it?

He could understand Jonathan a little better and his walls, his protective stances. A father like that just wanted to protect someone as precious as this. Had he been Clair's father he might have locked her in a tower with pillow walls and as many security measures as were in existence just so he would never see her like that.

When he got up the nerve to ask her what happened, she simply said, "Everything." And later, much later, when he took her to her room to sleep in a more fitting place, she asked him, "Is this the dream, the place I run away to? Or was that the nightmare? I can't tell which one is real. How do you tell when they both feel real? Do you just pick the reality you like and pretend the other was the dream?"

"This is real, Clair, this!" He took her hand in his carefully, "This is real. You're here, with me."

She smiled, sharp and unlike herself, "They said that too."

Lex did not leave that night, nor did he leave for the next two days. They mostly stayed curled up on her little bed, the silence covering them like a blanket they were afraid to lift away. When he looked into her eyes he wondered what happened, what wrecked her like this. She said very little, only told him the oddest things, mentioning soap and magazines. She mentioned Lana but he couldn't understand what she was trying to explain. It sounded like gibberish some of the time. She told him her father was dead and she made him wrap around a pole. He assured her that was untrue, her father was a US senator and he was perfectly healthy. She laughed, laughed like she didn't believe him. When she told him that she liked this world better it sent a cold chill down his spine.

Once, the second night, he woke to find her gone. Terror was a mild word for the feeling, the frantic dash he made in order to find her. He had not even bothered to put on shoes, stumbling whenever his foot found a large rock, but not letting it stop him. Eventually he found her. He missed seeing her at first, but on the second pass around the barn he saw her, staring at the moon, perched over the doors of the loft, seated on the edge of the roof. He hoped to God she was as indestructible as evidence indicated because a fall like that would kill any normal person. Up in the loft he managed to get her inside and they sent that night curled together very, very tightly on the couch. He curled his arms and legs around her, afraid she might slip away if he was not exceptionally careful. He did not sleep at all that night.

After the three days he had moved her into the castle with him. The Kent's could not object if they did not know about it. A call to his doctor got Clair a note excusing her from classes, naming some sickness or other that was highly contagious. He kept her in a guest room but he slept right beside her, afraid not to, not wanting to leave her alone. Chloe visited and the first visit had gone rather poorly, resulting in a fresh breakdown and Clair refusing to let the girl go for hours, telling her over and over that she would not let them kill her this time. Chloe had been as shaken as Lex even though she hid it well. Chloe stayed over that night too.

On Chloe's second visit Clair told them that she was fine, it had all been a guilt induced dream. It was nothing, she said, just guilt. She said guilt like a confession, like it was hiding a multitude of sins. Her eyes had aged far beyond her years, like she grew up over night, like nothing would ever be the same again.

* * *

 

They Killed Chloe. Lex hated her. Her mother was... and her father was dead. Lana was in a coma. Lex didn't love her. This world sucked! About the only good thing about it was that Jor-El was soap. Well, and Alic had not been murdered, though she was not sure she could bring herself to love him again. Maybe she could if she could forget her own world, the only world that was real to her. Maybe it would hurt less, the hole in her heart and soul would go away if she didn't remember it was there. Maybe she could go on living if she did not remember any of the things she loved.

It might be worth it if she could forget everything, maybe forget what she had done and forget that her most faithful friend was dead and her once lover wished she was dead. If she could forget then maybe she could be happy with Alic rather than dread seeing him in all his devotion. Or maybe not happy but at least content. Content was better than existing in a world where she had nothing to live for.

Clair was raised on Nancy Drew and home spun values that had farm applicable euphemisms to go along with the life lesson. The good guys always won. There was a reason for everything. Nothing was cut and dry but it also was; black and white and no one talked about the gray area.

A lie was wrong unless it was for the greater good. Everyone deserved a second chance unless they were evil. There was good in everyone with a few exceptions. Every problem could be solved over a cup of coffee unless it was Clair's ability to float. Taking a life was always wrong unless it was accidental, unless it was poison rocks falling from the sky or she was defending someone from a meteor freak.

Life was nothing like it was in books and farm wisdom did not cover everything. In real life Nancy Drew would have died, or one of her friends would have, leaving her with nothing but guilt to live with and keep her company.

Life was full of sad truth and there weren't very many happy endings out there.

When she was ten she tired to bake her parents a cake for their anniversary. Flowed the cookbook to the letter, did exactly what it told her to. It looked fine on top when she pulled it out of the over, even using over mitts just in case that helped the cooking process. They got home and she tried to cut them a piece, realizing then that she hadn't thought of making frosting, and the knife revealed the gel under the seeming cooked part. Heating it longer didn't help.

When she was nearly in tears, feeling totally inferior since nothing her mother made ever failed; Martha Kent could say she used to be a bad cook all she wanted but it would never sound true; Jonathan took down three coffee cups, scooped the puddingized-cake into them and handed out spoons. He declared he was in the mood for something softer than cake anyway. He told her it was just as good even if it hadn't set right, made it sound like it was the cakes fault.

Silly to remember that, of all things. Frightening to begin to wonder if it was a real memory or not.

She was still in the straight jacket when the doctor left her despondent on the bed. He had told her all about what she knew, what she was wrong about. He listed her every secret like it was nothing. He also asked her if that was the life she really wanted; "A place where your very existence causes pain to everyone around you? From the moment you came to earth you were nothing but a killer. Since then there were countless people mutated, people that turned into killers, all because of you. Is that what you really want? Would you honestly doom everyone to such a fate, if you could change it?"

It was that thing she never wanted to admit feeling but she felt it. She was responsible for all of that. Nothing she could ever do would fix that, change it. No matter how many lives she saved she had cost at least as many.

"The people you love only get hurt around you, Clair. How can you really want to live like that? Here, you could be normal." He told her.

"I've hurt people here too." She said blandly, leaning her head against the wall.

"Yes, you have. But here you could still atone for that the way you never could in your reality. To violence will never stop in your world. You are nothing but a magnet for all manner of horrors there. You will never live a peaceful life. You could have that with your family, with Alic. He loves you."

"So does Lex."

"Does he? In your world he is rather manipulative. In time I'm sure he would exploit you. From what you've told me, the two of you have been manipulating each other since you met. Honestly, that is not love. If anything, what you are doing to him is cruel, unconscionable. Trying to turn him into a good man by pretending to love him, a man so desperate for love that he would go to a college student for it? Surely you see the problems with that?" 

She did, she supposed. It did sound rather bad when put that way, unrealistic too, if she were honest. Maybe they were right, it all did sound a bit too crazy.

"Anyway, how many women has he been with since he met you? If you were in a relationship, how healthy do you expect t could be? And your family would not be accepting. As I recall, your father, in the reality, has a bad heart because of his fight to protect you. If you keep that farce of a relationship up, you might loose him there too, and then what will you have?"

Lex, she would have Lex, she supposed. If he still wanted her.

Clair thought things would not get much worse, but she was wrong. She knew it the moment Lionel walked into the room, trailed by Lex in his chair. For a moment she thought her mother might be with them but the door shut without anyone else coming in. Chills ran all over her body when Lionel settled on the bed beside her.

Hitting the floor was stark relief and she was thankful enough to kiss the floor of the castle, knowing she was back. Things were better in the place where Lex could walk and he slept beside her. Peeking over the bed, the light caught at his bald head, his eyes flickering with worry.

"It's nothing," she told him, "just a dream." It was, she reminded herself, it was a dream. Of course it was. She ignored the way her hands shook when she crawled back into Lex's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, from here on you won't recognize much if anything from the show. This is basically the dropping off point where nothing stays to script (or my totally altered version of SV). Hope you've enjoyed it so far! Now comes the real relationship stuff. The CLEX!


	9. Chapter 9

 If I Lose Myself-OneRepublic

Pieces-Rob Thomas

* * *

Coming to the office after being absent and virtually without contact with his company for five days was utterly necessary. The messages waiting were over 99, though he had no desire to find out how far over. He could have taken the time to get on his phone but he just had not been able to focus. He left it off, turning it on only when he needed to make a few particular calls to a selective partition of his employees. Distraction did not cover what he had bee feeling and lost did not either.

In the span of a day aliens escaped his labs and destroyed said labs and killed off some of his staff; an alien stealing his almost-girlfriend's body times two; throw in another glowing eyed alien that was apparently on their side; another side of Raya and that little nightmare he had yet to break the news about; the massive bundle of questions and answers with more questions surrounding Clair. There was always something otherworldly about Clair, he knew she survived a direct hit at seventy mines an hour with an added side dish of railing and water, but hearing it was something else entirely.

Lex gripped at the edge of the desk, trying not to think of who had perched there not too long ago, tried to pretend it had not happened at all because it was easier that way. He had no idea where Bizarro was now but he hoped that other alien had better ways to contain her than he clearly had. He could have pretended it never happened for the most part. There was little evidence left.

A few calls to his secret crews and things at the dam... went away. The dead were found somewhere else, car crashes, their backyard swimming pools, various things that might explain the varying manners of death. The clones were ashes in the city dump, useless now. The research was safe and far removed from what was left at the watery wreckage. His spin doctors had been hard at work. Everything was done with the dial of a few numbers, the perks of power and money.

Raya was in a body bag in a lab freezer and he felt a little, or no, a lot guilty about that, but he could not very well have let her end up in some city morgue for others to look at. Looking might mean learning and he did not want anyone learning anything at all, not in this case, not really even his own people. Eventually he might have to, have to get a bit of a look into what made her like humans and what was different. The curious scientist in him wanted badly to find out but the... maybe the human in him could not consider it just yet.

And God... the first night he brought her to the mansion and he stepped out while she was sleeping, a scream bringing him racing back as fast as he could move, throwing the door open. Seeing Clair curled into the fetal position, fingers coiled in her dark hair, eyes open but unseeing and terrified... floating, hovering near the window like escape had been the first thing on her mind upon waking but she stopped just short of breaking free. Walking to her side and guiding her back to earth until her feet and consciousness were grounded, beside him in the room rather than somewhere he could not follow.

He took those memories in hand and relegated them to that separate place in his mind he created when he was much younger to survive his father with as close to emotionless as he could get. It was the place he had stored the sound of Julien's last cry and the pillow hitting the floor by his mother's feet; the part of his mind that could observe and respond with logic in an emergency. He knows separation and vulcan compartmentalization, owes it greatly to watching Star Trek and Spock's unsinkability in the face of things no human could have emotionally withstood. It made it so he could function.

Settling in to do some work while Clair slept safely in his guest room was something he really had to do. He owned a company with a lot of jobs that needed to be kept up. There was only so much he could delegate, some things had to be cleared by the boss. Sometimes he wished he could drop it all, let it all fall down around him so he could go crawl in bad beside Clair. He frightened himself with that thought because he knew, knew down to his toes that he needed all the power he had fought so hard for. Power would be what kept him in control, what gave him strings to pull if he needed them, what enabled him to keep aliens out of the public eye.

It was both a shock and not when Lionel walked in, wide grin, confident stride that let the whole world know who walked into the room. Even people that did not know the Luthor name, if there were any, would know to shy away from all that sharp knife exterior of lethal malicious power. Lex remembered the days when he was a bit younger, he always felt mildly safer when a weapon was near him if his father came into the room; there were still times he felt just a little better if he had a pool stick in his hand, or maybe a foil. He thought a lot of people dearly wished they were carrying a gun in their pocket when Lionel walked into the room; if not to kill him, just to have the sense that they could defend themselves.

His father dropped into a chair across from the desk with inherent grace like a panther at rest, immaculate as always, only a little discoloration around the hairline of his left temple to show different.

"Hello, Dad! Nice of you to stop by." Lex kept his words flat even though his foot twitched just once like his body wanted to bolt.

Lionel smiled, slow and easy, a glide of facial muscles; he heard one of the maids whisper once that the smile reminded her of a snake, and Lex felt he had to agree. "I heard you were back so I saw no reason not to stop by, see how you were." He did not ask where Lex had been, might not have seen the need to, or worse, might have had the answer.

"That bitter about me not visiting you while you were in the hospital?" Lex intentionally toned his voice with amusement he did not feel.

Lionel laughed, rumbling and hollow, "Of course not. It was nothing serious."

"Doctors still sent you home with quite a few medications though, didn't they?" Lex asked, playing at innocent they both knew was put on.

"They always do." His father used the same assured voice he might with his bored of directors.

"Head injuries are serious, Dad. Are you sure you should be up and around so soon?" Lex could play his own spin doctor.

"Son," Lionel began, a clear indicator the talk would be long and unpleasant, "I've noticed your obsessions growing over time. Aliens, artifacts, the caves, the young Ms. Kent... now, I will grant you, obsessive behavior is a family trait, but sometimes you have to keep yourself in check." He leaned forward like he was getting into his talk, "Now, I'm honestly very proud of the way you managed to cover up your involvement and true dealings in that Reeves dam incident, but I'm no simpleminded consumer that swallows everything I'm fed."  
  
"Dad, you were there when it all caved in, and you were in the water a while." Lex gave him a look of mock concern, "I'm not sure they should have released you so soon. That was very traumatic, I'm sure. You might need to take some time off to recuperate and get yourself back together. Call it a vacation... go somewhere sunny."  
  
Lionel offered him a wolfish grin that put a chill in his blood, "Maybe I should. Though I wouldn't suppose you have a reason for wanting me on vacation? A girl you want to invite for a play-date, hmm? Clair, by chance?" He had shifted his focus onto somethings far more personal, and the widening grin said he knew it, "Now, don't get me wrong, Lex, I can see why you are obsessed with that particular piece of real estate. Rural, untouched, scenic, what man could resist staking a claim?"  
  
It was stupid to show a weakness but he just couldn't stop the way he bristled at that horrible terminology applied to Clair.  
  
His father did not hide that he noticed, "Now, I understand why you have an eye on her, really, I do. We both know she's very... _special_ , not like _other_ girls. She is a unique specimen if ever there was one."  
  
No, no, no! There was no way his father was hinting at what it sounded like. How could he know? How could he really know? Lex worked very hard not to let his hands shake but his restraint was just holding out. No fiber in his body liked hearing her name put in a sentence with the word 'specimen.' Granted, he had done some experimentation on the phantoms but he had already seen they were killers on that video, seen what they left behind after they finished with a body; they were not innocent, so it was different.  
  
"Clair and I have been friends for several years, Dad. Her father is climbing the senatorial ladder very fast. Mr. and Mrs. Kent are making quite a name in the political world, Particularly since he just became the US senator." He felt he needed to drive that point home particularly hard just to remind the old man that he might have a significant battle on his hands if he stepped a toe too close to their daughter, "I would frankly be a fool not to stay in that loop of pertinent information."  
  
Lionel nodded, putting on a false face of agreement, "Of course Lex. I just think you might want to take a few steps back from that particular obsession. What starts out as curiosity can turn into a strong hold. Just look what happened to Troy when a woman fell into the mix." He stood and casually headed for the door; he used nearness or distance like a stage director, setting the tone and mood of conversations with posture, "Just think about it. Maybe too, how dangerous it could be if she got too close to some of your business dealings. Staying in the loop goes more than just one way. While you stay in her loop you never know what she's getting in return."  
  
"While I'm touched by your paternal gestures, I don't think you have anything to worry about." Lex forced himself to relax, a rock back on the ball of his chair.  
  
Lionel eyed him over his shoulder like an eagle sizing up a dormouse. "Lex-" He said it like a declaration and scolding, "I'm sure you think you love her, but she's not for you. You were born to rule this world. Clair isn't the sort who could sit at your side, she's the kind that will get in your way. Lurthors are conquerors, totalitarian... and she is something else entirely. You were born to outmatch what she represents, not to hold hands with it."  
  
Lex frowned thoughtfully, pretending to be delicately wording advice offered in love, "Dad, for the good of your health, find a beach and sit under an umbrella on the sand. If you spend enough time relaxing, perhaps some of your paranoia will fade. I would hate to see you crack under the pressure of recent events the way I once did a few years ago. So much stress isn't good for someone your age. I think it might ease the minds of our shareholders as well to see you taking better care of yourself."

It was a well placed threat and they both knew it. The only difference might be his father's lack of understanding. For a man with such a slight grasp of the concept of love, he could not be expected to understand the lengths Lex would go to if he needed to. Rich though he was, he had nothing in all the world but Clair; no one, even his father would take her away, he would not allow it. He would learn how to protect her from anything, making deals with the devil if necessary, but he would learn.  
  
"Indeed." The hallway echoed of his father's retreating, dark laughter.

* * *

Clair Kent was something of a staple item in the Luthor mansion. There were many times she took all her meals there and many nights she slept in the guest room near the master of the house. Not a soul questioned it, they did not dare, what with Lex Luthor to contend with. The staff grew even more used to the girl than they had been before but it took very little to see the changes in dynamic. Lex was careful with her, hyper aware of her every shift and change and need, very much a mother hen, or more like a loyal doberman that took guarding very seriously. He seemed in a perpetual vigil over her, like he dearly wished she would just let him put her inside a bubble, like she were breakable. Some of the full time staff thought she well might be. Smallville was known to turn the minds of many an inhabitant, particularly young minds. 

No one on staff could say what had happened to that girl but they knew exactly who did know; it was a short list consisting of two known names excluding Clair. Clair was herself, for the most part, but there were times when she slipped just on the other side of reality, like Alice through the looking glass, present but also far away. With her parents being away, most thought it a good thing the girl had someone to look after her, someone that cared so deeply. 

Bets were collected all around town once the Kent girl unofficially moved into the castle, secret or not. No one was supposed to notice but it was a small town and everyone knew everyone else's business, went out of their way to find out, took up stalking just for hints. Small towns were worse than the _Inquisitor_. 

Lex and Clair were unmistakably close, too close in some ways, dependent in a way that could have been unhealthy. Then again, the cook insisted that was the way it looked when two people were made to be together, when it was that rare kind of love the authors wrote about and never captured. It was a visible thing, tangible in the way they looked at each other, as readable as a letter. They were in love. They seemed to know it too, though they might have been the last to know what everyone in town had been waiting to see bloom or wilt. It looked like roots had finally gone deep enough to let it flower.

Whenever Clair left for classes or for any reason, it was glaringly obvious Lex disliked it. If he could have he very likely would have forced the school to move to the castle just so she would never need to walk out the door. It was clear enough that he only felt she was safe under his roof, and even then he eyed any sharp edges on furniture enough that they wondered when he would order baby guards placed on any and all moderately threatening items. When she walked out the door Lex was moping and brooding; and yes, it was called brooding, but no, they never called it that to his face. He paced like a caged lion, tangled up in knots of thick tension until he left the house himself. Most of the staff was almost if not absolutely positive that he checked on her before he ever went to the office but again kept speculation to themselves.

Some around Smallville whispered descent that such a wholesome girl; a _Kent_ , of all things; could be caught up in the wild, foul whirlwind of a Luthor. She was adopted though, not a true blooded Kent, so there was that.  Most that had been watching over the years just smiled the knowing sort of smile that comes with a bit of maturity and a lot of people watching. There had been bets sliding under the table at the Talon after all, particularly among the waitresses, but regular patrons got into the fray as well.

Lex's staff knew more than most. They also knew that Lex hired more people to care for the farmhouse and land a good portion of the time to be sure that Clair could easily get to her classes at the college. He did not want her overtaxed. So long as Jonathan Kent was never the wiser, things would run smoothly.

That had nearly been cause for a battle at the farmer's market. A willowy, petite maid had been in attendance when she heard a burly farmer commenting on the additional help over at the Kent farm, he'd had nothing kind to voice on where those workers got their checks. She was small, but wiry and stubborn, had a temper too, Irish blood ran hot. She insisted the Kent's, good people or not, had no right to expect one little girl alone to take care of such a big place; according to her, the Kent neighbors should be ashamed of themselves for making it necessary for Lex to hire anyone when they should have done a bit of helping themselves. She might have strongly hinted that Lex was more generous and mindful of things like that than people claiming to be concerned over the issue. Had it come to blows, most would have bet on her, the little redhead maid to win if the way she could give a tongue lashing was indication of how she could fight. 

Clair was mostly fine, better by the day, but there were times she was less so. There were times, like the time Pete resurfaced, that Clair would just stare, vacant and lost but also intense, analytical, searing bone and sinew with the intensity, like she was trying to understand something or was lost in some other world. Lex and Chloe got tense whenever she did that, even more tense if Clair started to mumble odd things to herself. When it was Pete, Clair stared, studied and muttered very, very quietly; "Pete the Boss Ross, football at MetU, best known for his victory dance after a touchdown, currently studying law, very successful, very happy because he never met Clair Kent." Things had been particularly tense on all sides, all but Clair as she just stared at Pete like he was a character from a book rather than a boy she had known since childhood.

Lex unfailingly shifted closer, bumping shoulders with her accidentally-on-purpose like he had waking her from a trance down to a science. That contact seemed to free her from that other word and she would look at him, smiling like she had only just met him until it turned sharply back to recognition. She always smiled, doe eyed at him, like nothing happened, saying a sweet; "sorry, I was just thinking." She always brushed his leg with the tips of her fingers once, like it could have been an accident. It's like a script. Eventually though, that stops, abrupt and easy, like it never happened.

Interestingly enough, Pete came back around Smallville a little more frequently after that; even more interesting was his fading resentment toward Lex. Where the sharp edges of suspicion and distaste had been, they seemed to dull and soften. Lex, Chloe, and Pete might not have said a word aloud but somehow they slid into an accord of some kind, strange though it was, but it was clear enough that it all centered around one girl.

* * *

 The call caught Lex's attention, the number, specifically. It was the head of his... cleaning crew, that very special brand of cleaning. He left the plant for it, getting into his car before calling back, hitting the gas to let his car take him away as fast as was allowed and a little above legal. There was something he should see, apperantly, something they found on a final sweep of the area. He drove down the deserted roads and walked briskly for the rest. Even if it had been safe to say that word over the phone he would never have been prepared to see a second spacecraft in his lifetime. It looked nothing like the black on and yet it did, made by the same sort of thinking, same culture when you studied it. It was quite old though, weathered rather extensively.

It was only then, with his hands roaming the surface, that he thought of what Raya had said. A signal, or a beacon. This must have been what she was talking about, something washed up in the flood, the signal was a ship. Clair's maybe? Or someone else?

"Get. Away. From my ship." A very determined and decidedly masculine voice warned, weighted with the kind of finality that a parent would have over children; a parent was bigger, strong, and could make a child obey if they chose to.

Lex turned around slowly, eyeing the new arrival. Not one of his people tried to run or move for a gun, they already knew enough not to panic in front of a threat, thankfully. Their stranger was tall, broad, built like Adonis; it was the face that told Lex everything though. Dark, thick hair, unruly like it had it's own ideas about gravity; a jaw you would never dare punch unless you wanted broken knuckles; cheekbones pronounced and leading to eyes like a green field in summer.

Lex squared his shoulders and relaxed his stance, shoving his hands in his pockets, offering up a winning smile, "Hello! You and your ship are on my land, but we can overlook that for the moment. I'm Lex Luthor, and you are?"

Those eyes studied him, distrustful on such a deep level, but still had some give, "Kal Zor-El."

Yeah, he would know those eyes anywhere, even on a different face, the resemblance was enough.

Lex nodded, "I think it would be beneficial if we had a word. I'll send my people away and make sure no one goes near your ship... and we can talk about why you are here. How does that sound?"

That body shifted, head tilting marginally in study and consideration. Those clothes, that very impressive structure, and that was all the confirmation needed to know exactly where all those Greek gods really came from, and it was not Mount Olympus. Slightly frightening but it did not make it less true.

"I am looking for my cousin." Kal Zor-El informed him very casually.

Lex nodded again, motioning for his people to make their way in any direction that was away from the direct vicinity; Kal Zor-El watched them go with the sort of frightening contemplation that reminded Lex of a bird of prey; and waited until they were farther away before he spoke, "I think I can be of service, so long as you tell me why you're looking for her."

Kal Zor-El seemed to zero in on him then with such intensity it made Lex want to squirm beneath it, "You know who she is." He stated with an upturn of his chin, "I never told you my cousin was female."

Oh, right! He was nervous, terrified like he had been of Bizarro, and he slipped. He was more nervous than he realized he was if he already stumbled into a rut. It would be very advisable for him to pull himself together.

"Lucky guess." Lex forced himself to stay relaxed, disinterested, though that got harder when the other man took a step forward. His throat worked convulsively to hold back any insisting upon distance and not attacking the local rich boys. "Do you go by Kal? Or would you rather I just kept it all together?"

"Where is she?" There was a hint of threat to those words but Lex refused to shrink.

He kept his tone light but infused with steel, "The last people that asked me where Kara-El was had unsavory plans for her, so you'll have to pardon my reluctance."

"Who asked before me?" There was that edge again, thick shoulders rising marginally like an irritated bulldog. 

If Bizarro had been right, if anything he learned had been right, this man had the same enemies as Clair.

Lex was going to try honesty and see where it took them, "Followers of Zod."

The sharp intake of breath and widening of those eyes said honesty might just work out for the time being. He at least could buy enough time to get a proper idea of this being, assess risks and see how much control he could gain. As guarded as this man was, he was also very readable, open in the oddest way, unschooled in hiding reactions. Nothing like the Kent's in that way, the family that hid secrets the size of Fuji without batting an eye.

"How did they find her here?" He sounded horrified with an undercurrent of fear.

"Brainiac, largely." Lex watched the bronze glow of health drain from that face, watched the posture sag like he might need to sit down before his knees gave.

At the very least he could keep a new shock from her for a while, keep the secret until she was ready to hear about what he had found. He believed this person was that missing piece, the aforementioned Kal Zor-El, and he found himself trusting him already just based on the familial resemblance, but that did not mean he could trust his gut. It would be a while before he let this get back to her. There was a lot of information he would need before he ever let this person near her. Powers or not, Luthor's would not be disobeyed and they kept an enemy off balance.

"It's not safe here," Lex told him, "out in the open. Raya found your signal, others might as well."

That shocked blink showed clearly he was tossing out all the right names, "Raya? She is here too?"

"She was, until Bizarro killed her." Now Kal was leaning against a tree, looking overwhelmed and Lex would take the time to feel guilty about it later.

Desperate, open, suddenly trusting eyes looked into Lex's when he moved closer, "Take me to Kara, I have to protect her! Please?"

Lex had been wrong, this was not a man, he was young, at last as young as Clair had been when he first met her. The children of the house of El, too young and endearing to be burdened with the weight of the world. What kind of parents threw children like these, innocent and tender, out into the world alone? Even his father never exactly left him out in the world alone, he made him fight tooth and nail for his existence, but he was still there lurking in the background, as protective as he was damning in the utterly contradictory way. There was no love but there was possession. What could have their parents have been like to do this, leaving them to a world with so many powerful enemies and nothing to fight with?

Even now, he knew he would extort the innocence he saw in those wide eyes. Alone and unfamiliar, what did this boy have? Of course he would trust the first person that seemed to have all the answers. A stray thought crossed his mind, making his chest nearly convulse when he wondered if Julien would have been like this. Lex took a gentle hold on the boy's elbow and found him unresistant as he lead him away to his car. 

Martha, Clair, Chloe, and now this boy, all on a personal list of people that needed protecting. The world did not deserve the two innocent little visitors, not this cruel, merciless world.

* * *

 Clair never would have expected the invitation to go to the reunion to still be open, but some time during the movie the night before, Lex, with his arms curled all around her like a net, reminded her it was coming up on the weekend. After all she put him through, all her little issues with reality, she expected him to find someone else. There was no reason to take her with him and every reason to leave her at home. It was not as if she had been exquisite company lately, acting more like a mental case than a friend... oh, and wasn't that ironic? They had each lost their minds, each sought shelter with the other.

Life could be decidedly cruel when it had no reason to be. She would have rather never had to lean on him for her very sanity. The last thing he needed in his life was more stress and yet being her friend seemed to inflict that on him at every turn. Why he stayed she would never know. She deserved to be left on some curb in the middle of noplace; not that she could not run home again before he could pull into the driveway; but sardonic humor aside, she knew she deserved dismissal. 

They had yet to talk about what happened, about anything really. She knew he discovered a lot more about her and had seen plenty, but he turned a willing blind eye and continued on as if nothing happened. Lex willfully ignored everything and asked no questions. It was wrong of her to take advantage of that, but she had not offered information yet, though that might have been what he was waiting for. He deserved to know everything but she could not shake the choking shame that was tied to the truth. The truth was, she was the very first freak in Smallville, the one that started it all and hurt so many people, hurt him.

Clair feared his rejection, his loathing, knew from experience how it felt to be the focus of that from him. She was afraid to see it again, sure she could not live through it a second time, seeing that look in his eyes. Once was more than her sanity could handle, broken down and shattered by the loss of any kind of love from him where she had grown into breathing Lex's love in for air.

Love must be insane, or maybe it was the ability to stay with someone even when reality slipped; when they sang to blankets; when their eyes were glazed and distant; when they woke up asking what was real and what was a lie. She never knew how frightening that had been for Lex, that feeling of not knowing how to tell what was real, until she lived it.

This was love, what it really felt like, and it was strange to realize that she had never felt it before. Everything before, it was a crush, it was weak and minor, fleeting without any sort of roots to hold it up, so easy to uproot. It was never real, she had never been on love in her life, not even close to it. People talked about their first love, that first boy they fell for, and if things didn't work out, this would be the love that brought a smile for the good memories and tears for the loss of it, not the little crushes because those feelings hadn't been deep enough. 

After the movie ended he lulled her to sleep on the couch the way he did most nights; with her head on his chest, tangled over and around each other, kissing wordless declarationg into either others skin, or something just staying perfectly still; the steady drum of his heart a comfort that beat against her ear, his voice a low, calming thrum she could listen to all her days, reading or quoting from memory chapters from The Art of War or writings of Niccolò Machiavelli. 

He was a romantic deep down where no one normally got to see him. He was full of little poems he could whisper into her ear when they walked down the halls, quick to offer her a rose or her favorite chocolate when he picked her up from school in expensive cars that let everyone know there was a threat inherant in causing her any problems, mixing in expensive clothing with her usual ones with care so that she might not notice while she bleerily got dressed in the morning.

She should have known by his lack of comment when Lex found her in the loft struggling with her makeup, looking at magazines desperately trying to duplicate some of the looks, that he would do something. The next day he asked her to come to the castle when she finished class rather than going to the farm; when she arrived there was a very polished young woman, mid-twenties, she thought, waiting for her. There were brushes and more kinds of makeup than Clair knew existed. The willowy woman didn't just give her a makeover, she spent at least two hours teaching Clair about evening looks, work looks, smokey-sultry, sophisticated, and showed her how to make them happen, step by step. She was patient like a saint, Clair would say, because she knew how clueless she really was. The questions must drive the woman up the wall but she showed nothing of it at all, just taught her in easy, practical ways.

Something about it all stirs up a bitter aftertaste in her mouth. Bitter because Lana, Chloe, and Lois always have or had absolutely perfect looks. She always thought she just couldn't look that way, that she wasn't really capable. She never knew there was a wrong way to put this on. She never knew there were secrets, never knew about high or low lights, never knew the type of brush mattered, never knew there was an order to it. Clair always thought you either had it, or you didn't, and she didn't have it. It would seem that she did have it, she could look like that. So why had they never just spent a night, a girl's night, playing with this stuff, teaching her these things? Why was it ultimately Lex that taught her things her friends should have? 

She considered, wondered, if they just expected her never to need to know. After all, she was just a farm girl. People call her that often and it's not an insult, only sometimes it is. Sometimes it's sharp, meant to hurt and wound, meant to sound degrading. Why exactly? It had never made sense as to why that was something anyone should be ashamed of. There was nothing wrong with being a farm girl, so what made that mean she was less? She was 'just a farm girl' but what did that mean? Why did that exclude her from makeup? It should not sting because it wasn'tnot an insult, just a fact, but sometimes it did. It should not matter.

Lex told her, when she made a joke about not humiliating him in front of people with her terrible, outdated looks, that she was already perfect, he just wanted her to have the confidence to back it up, wanted her to feel just as assured as every other girl at the party. He also insisted that she needed to know how to do things herself, which was why Bridget was there to teach her and not do it for her. He might have been the sweetest man that ever lived, she thought. For just a moment that nagging fear came back, the one that asked if he was too perfect, like a dream, but she pushed it away. If it was a dream she had no plans of waking.

When the lessons were over Clair expected her to pack up the table and leave, but she didn't, it all stayed in the little spare room. Lex only told her, very blasé, that she should come over to do her makeup for the party in that room. It would all be left there for her to use, not only for the party, but any time. The second room beside the already frequented guest room, apparently, now belonged to her. First a guest room to stay in and keep a few clothes, now a room to make herself look like a lady. If it kept up she would have half his mansion.

Lex did things like that, gave too much, gifts of absolutely anything he could think of. So much so that she was occasionally afraid to look at anything too hard in case he might decide she needed it and buy three. Always very, very good at finding loopholes, the gifts simply find their way into the rooms he designated for her. When she found a new item and confronted him, he shruged, fighting a smile; "Wonder how that got there?" He cocked his expressive brows like he was innocent, unassuming, like he had no idea, might blame in on magic.

"I don't need gifts, Lex. You have to stop that!" Clair reminded him. "I can't just accept things like that... you're far too good to me on any given day, I don't need even more."

"Wouldn't dream of getting you gifts, Clair! I know how the Kent's are. It's not a gift, it's in my house, whatever is here it still belongs to me." he insisted, "... but if it's already there, you might as well use it. It's only borrowing. I would do no less for any guest in my home."

"You brat! You cunning little brat. If you think you're fooling me, you're wrong!" Clair crosses her arms under her chest, jutting out her lower lip just a little.

His blue eyes darken, focused on her mouth as he moves closer, "I like it when you pout." The tip of his tongue traced her lip, wetting it and tickling it enough to make her shiver, "God, your lips should be illegal! You don't even know!" He kissed her, wet and searing hot, holding her in place with both hands on her jaw; he pulled back with a pant and a smirk, "But I always win, you know I'm competitive."

Clair never was competitive, not really. After being so careful to blend in all her life she's not sure she knows how to be, but he sometimes brings it out of her. "Don't be so sure, Lex, I might surprise you yet." Wrapping her arms around his neck, she gave him a little shove to go along with the kiss, pushing him against the wall while protecting his head and shoulders from any real impact.

The next day she collected up a few gifts and did a bit of computer investigation to find out where he purchased them, dressed up in some of the clothes he bought her, borrowed a car from the garage, and marched herself to Metropolis. She stopped into each store and informed them that she was Lex Luthor's secretary and she was returning said item because Mr. Luthor's gift recipient found it inferior. It was sadistically amusing to watch them squirm and apologize, even more fun to haughtily say, "No, he will not except store credit." She walked out of those stores with cash and a hidden grin.

It had been easy once they saw the car, heard the Luthor name. They were so eager to make it up to Lex that they agreed to anything. There was a bit of luck involved too. They could probably have disproved her claims if they had been less interested in making sure the Luthor's would have no reason to be displeased with their products later. She had to turn down free samples of some expensive things, no less. She had been around Lex enough to duplicate his attitude when she really wanted to, and it all felt so different when she was playing secretary, like she could be someone else that easily and feel none of the fear. Glasses and a suit was all it took.

When he came home later she made sure to be in the garage, just waiting silently in the shadows. Lex slid out of his car like water, graceful as any human could ever be, clothing unwrinkled and not daring to hint at disorder. There was a moment when she thought he might miss the car sitting front and center by the door with a red bow draped over the bumper, but he slowed, head tilting curiously in that direction before swiveling all the way around.

"Where did this come from?" He asked the open air, and as he clearly expected, someone materialized to answer.

The staff he employed was very likely trained as magicians considering the way the appeared from thin air, "It was delivered around an hour ago, no note or message."

Lex opened his mouth but never got the chance to ask.

"It's clean. No listening devices or incendiary devices."

Lex almost looked startled by that statement but it slid into nearly unhindered approval, "But there was no explanation?"

"When we insisted, they told us your secretary purchased it per your request."

Clair vanished in her own act of magic and busied herself at the farm. It took around two hours for Lex to stroll into the barn, hands shoved into his pockets, posture very exaggeratedly relaxed; Lex was never honestly relaxed so that was clue enough that it was put on; and he moved up behind her. Though she continued on as if she had not noticed him, she could feel his breath on the back of her neck; bad day to pull her hair back because she was getting chills from that.

His hands rested on her shoulders, driving gloves still on, voice low, "How was school?"

She had skipped her classes, "Good, same as usual."

He hummed before attaching his lips to her throat. She let herself melt into it, waiting for him to work around to the real reason he came. Turning in his arms, she found his lips with her own, exploring, kissing deeply, tasting his anger; enjoying the way she could tell she was making him forget. Hunger jumped into the kiss, his jaw dropped wide to offer he access and gain more himself.  He was so experienced, knew exactly what to do, she sometimes wondered how he put up with her.

Clair wound her arms around his neck, enjoying the feeling of his hands sliding onto her waist as he tugged her into something of a slow dance. The only music they were swaying to was the wet smack of lips and heavy breaths but it was enough. At some point he directed them toward a high stack of hay she had intended to put in the stall but inspiration struck her, so he pushed him into it, watching the surprise on his face as he sank into it. He was sprawled out in front of her and she sank down beside him, intending to assure him it was clean, but when he rolled over her she doubted he was very worried.

"Nice try," he murmured against her ear, breathless as he ground his pelvis into hers, "but I still remember."

One leg hooked over his hip without thought, "Remember what?"

He reached for her other leg and slung it around his waist, "That you're in trouble."

"I thought it was a nice car." Feeling bold, she nibbled carefully at his ear and was pleased when he shuddered, "More practical than you usually buy, but nice, and it's got plenty of power under the hood, which I thought you would appreciate."

Lex bit down on her neck, moving against her the way he had only once before, making that same feeling clench inside her, but it would be alright so long as they didn't do anything else, "You-pretended to be my secretary!"

"I did, yeah, and I think I was very good at it."

"You returned things I bought for you!" He tried to lean on his elbows but found it did not work well in hay, so he gave up and just stared into her eyes from very close.

Clair shut her eyes finding it too intense to look into a face that beautiful and see him angry with her, "I didn't need a diamond bracelet or any of those things."

"I wanted you to have it! I want to give you things! Why can't you accept that? What is it with your family?"

She opened her eyes, looking into that glare, "It's not that. It's not because of my family."

"Then enlighten me!"

Clair smiled, hesitantly, looking into those beautiful eyes so full of mystery, "I don't deserve it."

He drew in a sharp, though quiet breath, exhaling his words, "No..." he kissed her gently, "you deserve the world. It's the other way around. No one deserves you, you have no idea." His fingers pet her cheek with the sort of affection that was almost painful it was so real, "You're better, more incredible than anyone I have ever met. You have more heart than any twenty people. No one could earn you if they spent eternity trying."

Clair tried to hold up a smile but she was unsure what her expression should be after words like that, "I meant... the last few weeks, I've put you through a lot. You just grin and endure without complaint. I don't deserve all that kindness. You should at least get a new toy for all of that rather than buying me things... so I evened it out a little."

Lex stared at her for a long, long time, searching her eyes for something she hoped she gave him, "You are all I could ever need in all my days..." he smiled that gentle, private smile that he only let her see, "though cars are good too." He wasn't angry anymore.

"I don't need gifts, Lex," she told him seriously, "you... get that don't you? You're all I want, just you, Lex. Nothing else matters! I want you to understand."

The hunger was back when he kissed her, urgent, but softened into something sweeter this time, "God, I love you!" His whisper felt like a vow.

* * *

The building was overdone, ostentatious in such a way that it feels like a movie or like this was built by some old king or queen once they passed the crown to an heir. Then again, all the people around her were heirs so some kind of money. Looking at them, dripping in diamonds and precious metals with the best clothing money could buy, she felt like she stepped into a modern feudalistic world. Elegant, hushed sounds accentuated by the occasional loud laughter. Expensive things are all around. Expensive crystal, ice sculptures, food that looked like modern art, and lots of extremely well-dressed, well-trained people that knew how to play the games of royalty.

Though they were out in the open air to congregate and greet the posh society outside the dining area, she smelled nothing of real air; she smelled interesting mixtures of perfume, cologne, roses, herbs she might never have heard of before, and expensive food. She did not even smell sweat even though there were so many people, like they were above such human problems because they had money. It was surreal and chilling as far as atmosphere. Clair was getting uncomfortable flashbacks to prom, Victoria Hardwick, that museum, Bob Rickman, and the overall feeling you got when you were about to realize you were naked in a crowd in a nightmare.

The hors d'oeuvres were tasty but she didn't even try to covertly sip at the champagne. She doubted she was allowed, mostly sure she needed to be twenty-one even for that. She was curious how the "good stuff" they had to be serving would taste but not so much that she would sneak it.

No one knew her and she felt the curiosity in their gazes when they look at her. If she listened she heard the whispers, some unkind, some flattering, and some vulgar, but all questioning. Coming to a party with a Luthor was fifteen minutes of fame in some twisted way and she was not sure how she felt about it. For a girl that hid away it was not the most comforting thing in the world.

It felt like someone, maybe even Victoria herself, might pop up suddenly and tell them all exactly who a Luthor brought in to their high society. No one had sprung from the cracks or shadows though, not yet, and she looked the part. Spending time with Lex helped her converse the way he did, enabled her to navigate the way she never would have been able to years before.

Lex was focused, ridged and unforgiving like lead. He walked like he had not a care in the world, like clouds were under his feet, but she knew him better than that. He eyed the flower arrangements more than the people, mind on things far out of reach. Most of all, he looked like he was much too good to be there, and from what she sees, he is, but she knows he does not believe that. She understood why he was different but if felt like her hand he kept tucked neatly into the crook of his arm was touching a moving statue rather than a person. 

The world of safe anonymity shattered under her feet the second she saw Lois. Irrationally terror struck her and she tried to pull Lex behind a statue but he did not cooperate nearly fast enough, looking at her like she had lost her mind.

"Clair?" Lois' voice was a shot of understanding running right into his eyes. "Your billionaire dragged you to this thing too?" So casual for someone that once reported on her goodbye to Lex. Getting with her own rich boy with a reputation gave her some perspective. Still, Lois talked to her father and talking might lead to dropped information and that was the last thing she needed. She had been waiting for angry calls for weeks.

There was no hostility in Lois at the moment, she even smiled at Lex without any hidden malice. Lois looked like she belonged in this crowd, pearls, perfect hair, tight but elegant dress. They both looked like money now.

"Lois! Hello!" Clair forced a smile and straightened her shoulders like she had not just been trying desperately to hide behind an inappropriate statue.

Lex might as well have turned to stone as well once he saw the man with her... Queen. Now, she did not hate Oliver, but she was not his biggest fan either. They spoke and were perfectly cordial. He was never rude to her and he was good to her family with support. There was a distance though, something in him that reminded her a little too much of everything she hated about high school. Lois mentioned him constantly after she managed to thaw his initial cold shoulder. It was interesting that Lois managed to make up with the man after slamming a door in his face but life was a funny thing. Love could do a great many things and Clair was smart enough to see the way Lois looked at the man.

Oliver, golden and groomed, still looked like a playboy, but he also looked highly uncomfortable, eyes darting between Lex's polished shoes and his face, "Lex." He smiled for Lois but there was something very tense about him, like he did not want to be there anymore than Lex.

"Oliver." Lex had his eyes firmly fixed on the other man's face like a bold challenge.

Time to make that stop, quickly, "You look stunning, Lois!" Clair smiled, managing to put on enough of that same bubbly politeness she had seen most of the other women in the crowd us. "I didn't know you wore anything but sequin to parties like this." They fell very easily into this roll, passing barbs around. They had gotten closer but this banter was still a lot easier than real conversation.

Neither man got the reference to the glittering stars and stripes, and they both looked a little confused, because the way Lois laughed let them in on the fact that it was an inside joke.

"Believe it or not, Clair..." the smile tightened in a little warning, asking without asking for that topic not to be expounded, "and you know perfectly well that was Chloe's fault."

Now they looked confused and interested.

"Oh, I know! Chloe can be evil when she catches a story. Still, it worked well for you." Clair snatched a glass off a passing tray, needing something to do with her mouth besides talk and get into trouble. Forget not drinking, she did not even know what she swallowed, had not tasted it. It bubbled in the glass prettily though.

Lois showed a little more teeth than was needed, "Thanks, Smallville. Always good to hear. If I remember it, you looked pretty good yourself."

"I wish I had some idea what you were talking about, it sounds fun!" Oliver offered a winning smile, like their banter was working to thaw out the cold.

Lois nearly glowed, "We'll never tell. Girl's have a code."

Clair smirked, fingering the stem of her glass, "Anyway, how are you enjoying the reunion? Pretty sure ours wouldn't have caviar."

Lois grinned back, "Depends on who shows up! Not all our class drank the pom-pom juice!"

It was fun tossing around references neither man knew about, even if Lex knew a little more than Oliver would. "Right, the good times... some of us even stayed sane."

The tension in Lex rocketed, and at first she thought it was because she threw out the unmentionable sanity topic, but then she noticed two men slid in at Oliver's side. Unlike Lex, Oliver seemed to relax. It screamed old dynamic and there was that uncomfortable feeling that she had seen this before, like with Whitney and his followers. Clair ground her teeth and sized them up, noting they looked like spoiled little boys that never grew up. She liked them less when they said hello and exchanged greetings. 

Lois did not seem to notice, busy looking around her, but maybe she was not totally oblivious considering she muttered, "Can we say Lord of the Flies around here?" And Oliver put an arm around her like he hoped she would behave if he kept her a little closer.

"How's business?" Lex ventured tightly, leaning into her a little like this might have been the reason he wanted her here.

"It's good, great!" The dark haired one seemed falsely cheery.

"Not as good as you." The one nursing what might have been his fourth drink, with a pompous name she thought had been Alden muttered, sandy hair brushed over and somehow still pompous even though it was conservative, eyes landing on her with a smarmy smirk, "Who's your arm candy?"

It should not have been possible, but Lex tensed even further, but so did Lois.

"She's Clair Kent, Senator Kent's daughter." Lois sounded like she was talking about royalty suddenly, and it was a little sweet of her to try to defend. They might not have been close, but girls stuck together against men, as a rule.

"What's a girl like you doing here with a guy like Lex?" Alden persisted, arching a brow at her.

"Same thing Lois is doing here, I should think. He asked, and I said yes... tends to be how parties go." Clair took another sip and still forgot to taste it.

"It is a party-" Oliver said, obviously grasping at straws, looking for a swift way to turn the derailed train. "Maybe we should-"

"Maybe we should mingle a bit more." Lex just kept smiling so tightly he might split his lip.

"How about if I asked? I'm better company." Alden looked drunk, even if he might be able to hide it decently thanks to a very likely long history of drinking.

Jeffery? elbowed his friend lightly, clearly not drunk and Oliver said something she did not listen to. Lex, however, took a step and opened his mouth, so she had little choice but to act first.

Clair took an intercepting step forward, smiled very sweetly, making her voice sound apologetic, "I'm afraid I can't. I'm allergic to flees and you know what they say about lying down with dogs... or in this case, even keeping them company."

He blinked, like he did not get it, but Lois nearly choked and the other three looked at her like she grew a second head.

Oliver moved first, snatching the glass out of his friend's hand, "Maybe you should lay off, huh?"

He looked more confused, "Like I was the only one thinking it?" He shrugged, "Whatever." Clair could not help thinking Lex held his alcohol far better.

Oliver had a hand on Alden's shoulder, pulling hard if the stumble was indication, "Good seeing you Lex, Clair! Maybe we will see you around?" 

"Yes, I'm sure I will see you soon! Probably from behind a desk, no doubt." Lex was still smiling but that might as well have been a threat.

Clair caught Lois's arm, "Nice seeing you Lois! Your date has such charming friends!"

Lois gave her an unreadable look but walked away like she had nothing else to do. Several people had been watching but they politely and conveniently were suddenly engrossed in other things. Clair kept smiling, curling both arms around one of Lex's. She wanted to ask if they could leave but she understood enough to know that would be seen as a retreat now.

After sufficient time had passed she steered Lex back in the direction she had seen Alden. As they passed him, she very carefully became animated in what she was telling Lex, a flick of her wrist sent a tray of something directly for the man's chest, making a satisfying gooey sound before the metal tray clattered loudly to the ground. All eyes turned on Alden and his red splotched shirt. Those very well might have been fish eggs clinging on. Clair apologized to the waiter, back turned away, not even looking at the rich little snob she just splattered intentionally. Who said she learned nothing from Lex's many lessons of pool and trajectory mixed with angles? Practical application.

If nothing else, Lois looked approving and Lex looked like the cat that got the cream. When he lead her away she had the oddest feeling of accomplishment and an even more odd sense of belonging considering a few of the upturned smirks sent her way. It felt like she thought it might have if she had done that to one bully or the other years ago in high school. 

"Like I said, Clair... no one deserves you. You're better than anyone here."

"I was thinking the same about you."


	10. Chapter 10

Speed of Sound-Coldplay

* * *

Helplessness had turned into a bit of a trend Clair was well and fully sick of. If things had been normal she could have simply run away the way she wanted to. No door or padded walls or jacket with buckles to hold her arms down would have stopped her. Funny how she defines normal, funny in an abnormally normal world that went wrong. She gets cold here, is cold, can't seem to feel warm after being drenched in the rain and being dragged back to the sanitarium. This is a very unpleasant world. She understands her own control issues now that she lost all control and is vulnerable to everything including weather. It has occurred to her that Jor-El, soap product or her AI father, whatever he is, underestimated human strength. There is nothing weak about enduring what they endure each day.

Her day or two has been bad enough and she is not sure she would have the will to keep going if each day were like this. If indeed she is crazy then she understands why she snapped and created her own world. It's a special sort of pain to hear this version of the truth, real or not. The doctor had told her about everyone she knew, told her how happy they all were without her in their life. It mildly registers in her mind that he's rather harsh for a doctor that is supposed to help her but if he is trying to force her to change her mind perhaps it's what is needed; it works to a degree.

Lionel told her things too, things she wished she never knew. What he told her made her wish she could go deaf. She thought it was bad while Lionel was in the room but she knew the second that he left, knew by looking into Lex's eyes, that it was about to get worse still. She could feel the blood running down her chin and pooling in her mouth, giving her that distinct taste of iron. There was probably a black eye blooming too from the blows. Lionel might have worn rings just for the purpose of leaving marks deeper than others.

Lionel's voice had been almost high with his anger, "You are a Luthor now, Clair, and I expect you to behave from now on!"

And Lex never so much as twitched when his father hit her. The warmth was gone like it had been the first moment he saw her up in his office.

Lex smiled but it was anything but kind, it was vicious and cutting like a knife. He wheeled himself right alongside the bed, close as he could get to her. She dared not speak, waiting to see what he might do.

"I was thinking," his voice was low, nearly a whisper to keep others from hearing, "about what you said. I started to wonder what it would be termed considering what you are. Since you are an alien, would that make a relationship with you xenophelia? Or would it be beastiality?"

Clair bit back a gasp of pain, feeling the verbal punch like a stab to the heart and shot to the gut. Beastiality? It hurt more than being hit, hurt so deeply it might have left a mark on her soul. God, she could have lived a lifetime without this much pain!

"Killing you wouldn't even be a crime, would it? Our laws only include human life, not little monsters from the sky."

She held her breath to make sure she made no pained, tortured noises. God, no, it wouldn't be a crime, he could get away with it so long as he could prove what she was. She had no rights under the law, that was true. The fact that he thought of that... could smile like that when he said it... could relish the thought was just more than she could handle.

"If I cut you open and just ripped you apart with my bare hands-" Lex looked like he was envisioning it in great detail and, oh, God that hurt.

Clair swallowed, fighting back the lump in her throat and the sharp, sharp prickle in her eyes. She would not cry in front of him, not when he was-- and not when Lionel was probably still watching. It pained her more than Kryptonite ever could, more than she expected was possible after how numb she already was. It was surprising things could still cut that much after everything else. It was a lie, words hurt a lot more than sticks or stones.

"What happened?" She asked because something must have triggered this.

Lex paused but he answered, "The hospital called, said Lana took a turn for the worse. They don't expect her to last much longer even with machines doing most of the living for her. You managed to show up and ruin the last bit of hope I had, like some kind of jinx!"

Lana, she was slipping away? Was she going to die? Had she done something? Her eyes drifted shut to keep hold of the tears insistently trying to well up. "I'm sorry!" She whispered.

"Don't! Don't you dare! You have no right to be sorry when you did this! You did all this!" It was shocking to watch Lex move out of the chair with his arms, transfer himself to the bed with such strength and familiarity with the motion. He must have to do it every night, alone in his room.

The insane glint of rage was probably different from normal though, and the way he reaches for her once he's seated himself on the cot. Long fingers are around her neck very quickly, his body pushing with a strength she would not have guessed at until she was pinned to the bed by his upper half. Strong fingers are like a vice, preventing her from breathing and she is surprised by how much that burns. Maybe it's a combination of how shattered her heart is and how much the grip hurts that makes it truly unbearable.  
While she might be able to shake him off, roll away or use her legs, she doesn't; she lays there as still as a toy. Her hands are bound by straps in the jacket but she does not know that she would have tried to push his hands away even without that.

She had not tried to fight Lionel, had not tried to struggle free of the jacket because she would never let him win a victory that way. She would take whatever he threw with a blank expression the way Lex always did. Fighting would only validate his power.

Now, with Lex's fingers around her throat, doubtlessly leaving his own vivid marks on her skin, she did not so much as twitch. This time she did not try to fight him because she had no desire to, would relax into the end he was offering. Without even that hint of warmth in his eyes she just... had no desire to fight. It would be a release for her and she knew it would be justice for him.

Clair knew he saw the resignation, the surrender on her face because he leaned into it even harder, crazed rage on his face as he put all his weight onto that one point of contact, making her gag and choke more violently. All she saw was black but she still heard the buzz of the intercom kicking on before Lionel's voice snapped;  
"Let go of your step sister!" a pause before a continuation since no response was forthcoming, "Don't make me come back in there!"

The hands did let go and Lex got himself back into the chair with practiced efficiency, drawing up his composure like a mask. For a while, she could only take deep breaths as he studied her. Clair watched, vision still mostly black but for the center, she could still see out of but she did not twitch or move. Her lower lip quivered but she bit down on it, trying to control the gasps that she refused to let be sobs.

If it meant she could forget, that procedure would be worth it. Even if she was from another world she could never get back to, it would be better not to know what she was missing. It would be worth any price she might pay if she could only forget this! If it could take it away she would be willing to do it. A life with Alic might not be what she wanted now but it might be if she let things happen the way everyone wanted. Forgetting was the only way she could survive this amount of torture because otherwise, she would not have the will to get up ever again.

Clair woke to Lex hovering over her and went limp, expecting him to finish what he started, welcomed him to make it stop but she could not stop saying; "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"No, no," his hands cupped her face, cupped her head carefully, "Clair, it's okay! It's fine, everything is fine!"

Fine? How was it fine? Far from it, in a different dimension! She frowned hard, unable to reconcile the shift until it hit her like a slap of cold air. It had been a dream or a trip back to reality, whichever the truth might be.

Blinking rapidly, she reached for his legs, checking to be sure before she burrowed close and struggled to hold herself together while hiding her face in his neck. The feelings lingered from that other world, making her insides crawl and anguish, making everything feel wrong. She always knew it was not right to have Lex, not in either world, not when she habitually hurt him. 

"I wanted you to." She confessed in a broken whisper.

"Wanted me to what?" He asked softly, lips against her ear.

She wanted him to end it, to take his revenge and give them both what they wanted. She wanted the absolution offering her life would bring for the sins she committed. She wanted him to wring it from her painfully with his own hands, making her suffer. In the waking world though, she could not tell him that, could not say such words that would confuse and frighten him.

Her last moments in that world had been on a table, midway through the procedure. There were so many times she wondered if things had simply gone wrong and she had been plunged into her desired world via coma, like Lana. She wanted to believe she came home though, wanted selfishly to have the man she loved. Chloe was still alive here though Lana was beyond help in either place. Jonathan Kent never died and she was not tied to Lionel through her mother.

Her sins aside, it was the world she knew and the one she was useful in. There was control here even if she was a freak in mind as well as body.

He could have killed her there. Given the right tools, he might be able to do so here as well. Part of her, even past the splitting of her heart, was glad for the offer of an ending to the cycle. There could have been no greater justice than to die at the hands of the one she destroyed in two worlds. She took away everything he could have had in both worlds simply by being there, arriving in fire or standing on the road. Nothing would ever be enough to earn a clean start, even apart from the dream, maybe especially in this reality. In the fabricated world she carried the guilt of both realities but now that she was free of it, the guilt lingered. There had been more clarity over what her presence, her fall to the earth, had done to everyone even near her. She was Typhoid Marry from another planet.

If he ever made the connection to what brought her to earth and all the pain he endured she wondered if she might not be faced with his hate again. It would be justice. A few times she had gotten a look at what his life must have been like as a child and so much of the pain was all thanks to her. He might have had friends if she had not branded him for life. No one would have judged him on sight. There would have been more freedom offered to him without her.

_Beastiality._

Clair did not register moving until the papers in the room fluttered down to the floor from high above, the bedding flopping down after having been flung across the room, and Lex staring at her from the bed. His eyes were so full of wonder as he twisted in place so he could face her again after her abrupt retreat across the room. She wanted to run at full speed and she realized just how badly when she noticed she was vibrating. Lex watched her, astonished, mouth slightly ajar. 

"I can't stay here. I have to... I can't... I just want-" Finishing a thought was not working well so she tried something different, speeding back to the bed again, "Do you think we could go away? Just for a while? Go somewhere, anywhere, where no one can find us? Change our names and be someone else for a little while?"

"Now?" He questioned, taken back by the request.

She hasn't wanted him to see her so weak.  She had been doing well at banishing the damage to her psyche the visions had caused her for that very reason. It must sicken him to see her act so pitifully.  No doubt it distressed him as well.  Even so,  she felt like she might shatter at any moment like she must escape or crack into millions of pieces. 

"Tomorrow," she said with conviction but amended it when she remembered he ran a company, "... or soon."

Lex studied her with careful eyes, dissecting her ever so carefully, almost like he would with a scalpel. She could have pictured that from the man in the chair. She would not have fought him on that either. Something in her would have taken a certain amount of satisfaction in a death like that at his hand. So long as he took her life and no one else she felt she could find her peace with it, particularly if he was quiet. Being peeled apart would have been a symbol, the inward pain demonstrated in the physical.

"I'll make some calls." Lex told her softly, and for a moment she forgot what he was telling her, "We can be gone by midday at the latest."

"Thank you." She said earnestly, trying to tell him in voice what words couldn't.

"Where do you want to go? We can go anywhere in the world. Say it, and I'll take you there."

"God, Lex, you are a dream, aren't you..." She knew he had to be, "So kind, so wonderful... good to me when I don't deserve-"

"You deserve the world, Clair! I'm just trying to show it to you." He cut her off with too much sincerity.

It made her laugh because he really seemed to believe his own words, "Oh, Lex, you have no idea what I deserve. I'm really not as wonderful as you think. If anything, I could never earn you. Even in my dreams, I could never win you."

"You already have me, mind, body, and heart. You don't need to win me." It was then that he climbed off the bed to follow her, approaching her the way anyone would a frightened creature, "You win me every day with a look, with a smile. We're planets spinning around each other, helping each other stay balanced. You are the sun to my moon, Clair. I wouldn't survive without your light."

She allowed him to wrap her up in his arms, allowed him to bring her back to bed, and she allowed him to soothe her back to sleep with her head propped up on his chest. She listened to the beat of his hearts and began to believe in her reality again. Just before she fell asleep she whispered her love and devotion to him. He might have heard it but he might not have.

* * *

Lex did take her away, true to his word. They got on a private flight and she never asked where they were going. She cuddled up at his side the whole way there, in and out of sleep, never settling fully on either one. He noticed how abnormally tired she seemed, weary in far more than the body. It worried him more than he could have expressed to see so much of her vitality zapped away. She needed a bright sunny spot with no one to ruin anything, and he guessed she needed some time alone with him to be sure she understood how much he valued her. That was exactly what he supplied for her. Far from Kansas, with beaches and mountains, no people for miles.

They touched down on a private airstrip and he sent the pilot away to the nearest town instantly. She would be able to decompress far more easily if there were no people to cause her any sort of stress. He could protect her so much better if they were alone. His father had no idea they were here, he made sure of that. Threatened a hand full of people with things he would only mildly consider actually doing, but they sounded good for motivation purposes. It got him his way and that was really all he cared about.

Lex watched Clair the way he might have watched all the natural wonders, amazed he was able to watch with his own eyes. Her body was nearly bouncy, sort of moving in waves, a bit like a hummingbird in flight and he doubted he could see the full extent. Truly, she was fast and she was not hiding it from him. She was happy and let him see a little piece of what she was honestly capable of rather than hiding it from him. Her smile was wide and ecstatic, happier and freer than she had seemed in far too long. This was the way she should always be, and he would run away with her forever if it made that happiness stay.

He hesitantly reached out his hand to her, wanting and needing to touch her but unsure if he should, pausing at the thought of hindering her from those free displays of fantastic ability. He had watched her float above the ground and on occasion, he now had to wonder if he was a tether in some of the wrong ways. He wanted her to feel free, yet he selfishly wanted her to linger within his reach. How did a man that could not fly stay near an angel without crippling her wings? How could a mortal man measure himself against angels and expect to hold them at his side? It was no a question easily answered, resulting always in more conundrums of moral questions.This guardian angel watched over the world but he had seen her fall, watched her plummet and he would do anything to catch her. He did not want to watch her fall ever again, which might mean keeping her on the ground, but did he have the right to? She took his hand with a sunny smile, unknowingly alleviating his introspective worry.

Clair tugged at his fingers, taking the lead and urging him into motion when he stared at her too long without moving. For now, he supposed she needed time to heal her wings. He could do nothing but watch over her in the meantime, tend her wounds, and bide his time. He had no doubt she would fly again, for he supposed it was in her altruistic nature, but he also had no doubt he would, at some point, have to see her fall again, for that was the true tragedy of angels and heroes; because they protected everyone else, they could not guard themselves. All heroes suffered.

When she looked at him with those guileless green eyes, full of love and devotion he received from no one else, he wondered how he would survive seeing her hurt again. He vowed once again to make the world a safer place for her. He could not stand by and allow her to be hurt and do nothing. Lex loved an angel and he could not fly but he would find other ways to be worthy of her and stay near her without being the one to tie her down. Falling for a child of the stars gave him a new perspective on all the old legends. Lex had found Mt. Olympus, and while he was not but mortal man, he would find a way to navigate.

They wandered without purpose, seeing the grounds and the little house they would be staying in for however long it took to make her feel more like herself. He never put a cap on how long they would stay. Lex did not care if it took a year so long as she came back to him fully, back to that same sort of  _life_  he saw and was drawn to when they met long ago. No one was allowed to take that away from her while he was capable of stopping it, not even aliens or any of their respective father figures.

Clair strolled into the little cabin with great wonder, marveling over everything including the fact that there was a small fridge, sink, and cabinets in the bedroom as well as there being full-sized versions in the kitchen. having things simply for the convenience of not having to leave the room was clearly not a concept she was accustomed to after living on her families farm. The idle rich and their eccentricities were beyond her. Though she seemed to rather approve of the spa style hot tub in the bathroom.

"Why don't we use it?" He suggested casually, "here is more than enough room for both of us. We could both use it after the trip."  

She beamed at him excitedly like he just suggested to a person deprived of sleep for days that they could sleep until noon or longer. "Really?"

He shrugged one shoulder, "Why not? The place is ours. We can do precisely anything we like at any time we like."

Her grin spread just a bit more and she nodded, "I'll get my swimsuit."

"Don't bother," he waved away the notion with a dismissive motion, "it's just us. We can fill the tub with bubbles to keep our modesty." At that he gave her a wicked smirk, perhaps revealing that had been his intention from the moment he brought up the idea.

They were a couple now, it was time he flirted more. They needed to have fun and be playful to break up the seriousness that had hung over them too long. Getting them both out of their element was what the trip was about. He missed the times they were more playful, like the time he chased her through the castle. They needed to do things like that again. They needed to laugh more and act their age, or younger.

She cocked her head, narrowing her eyes at him, but ultimately he could tell she would eventually give in to his wishes. "I don't know... that seems a little odd."

He adopted a bit of an overdramatic air for the occasion, one she would know he was faking, "We're adults. We can handle ourselves. My intentions are honorable, I assure you."

Clair snorted, "Now I kind of doubt that."

He smirked charmingly, pulling out the playboy persona he had not used in quite some time, "You think my offer is less than beneficant? Why, my dear Clair, I assure you-"

"Don't bother," she shoved him playfully, "I've watched Lois at work."

Lex blinked at her and frowned, "I fail to see how you are comparing us or what possible similarity there is in anything I do with anything she might do."

Clair hmmed noncommittally, "Fine, but you wait in the other room while I get in and only come back when I say it's safe."

Lex nodded sagely, "Perfectly reasonable. You will no doubt divert your eyes for me when I get in. It all works perfectly."

With that settled, Lex got out the bath salts and bubbles while she began the process of filling the tub. He bent over with a particular intent while he mixed in the salts and bubbles. When he straightened and turned around only to catch her eyeing him, he felt entirely gratified and victorious when she blushed. As promised, he stepped out of the bathroom, relishing his few moments of fun. He wouldn't do anything but tease her though he knew he was indeed testing his self-control by initiating something of this nature but once the thought struck him he had been unable to resist. He had every intention of being perfectly good and doing nothing untoward because he might be a man but he was no fool, he knew there were boundaries he could not push, just toe the line of. He knew her well enough by now to know how far they could go before she pulled away, though he couldn't say why she did pull away.

He slipped out of his button up shirt and set it aside on one of the chairs in the secondary dining table in the bedroom. Clair had shaken her head once again when she found that. It was apparently foolishness to duplicate everything rather than taking the time to walk into another room. He attempted to explain the reasons behind little allotments like those, such as the probable occasions when more than one party might stay in the house, and thus the need for everyone to have their own space, but she did not seem to see the need. Why she had asked, could people not manage to eat breakfast at the same table if they were all staying there? He admitted her responses amused him greatly. Flustering her in any way tended to amuse him, thus the reason for this rather dangerous exercise of his own restraint.

The expensive shoes were settled nicely by the door and his socks folded neatly onto the chair with his shirt and slacks for later. Normally he hung his socks on hangers which he knew would also get a response from her once she noticed. When he unpacked he doubted very much that she would be able to keep her commentary about his habits to herself. At home, he put lesser items like socks in drawers but on trips he was more particular since there were only so many things one could easily pack, so they had to be wrinkle-free. He could manage to console himself to hanging a shirt over a chair but he had never been able to bring himself to stuff his socks into his shoes the way she did.

He was aware Clair put little value in clothing and was prone to only buy things other people had formerly owned or items that were entirely too large for her. His tailored and crease free attire was subject for her own amusement and he knew it. She told him he was very particular, muttering "prissy" under her breath, and he only managed a mild glare at her. He knew for a fact that her clothing would all be on the floor, probably kicked to the side when he went in there again. He left his silk boxers on since he had a feeling she would rather he not return in the nude. 

"You can come back in!" She called from behind the door.

Lex slipped back inside and shut the door to hold in the humid air. The jets of the tub were already humming, churning the water up around her while she watched him move closer. She was hunched low in the tub, the water almost lapping up over her shoulders with her knees drawn up and peeking out of the water. She had taken care to be sure the water and bubbles were high enough to hide her the way they were supposed to, obviously. Sometimes he was reminded through simple actions just how different they were. Girls he had grown up with would not have been too shy to display anything to outsiders, or they would at least have appeared confident. The girls he grew up with were wild and rich with money to throw at recreational and ill-advised activities the press enjoyed reporting on. It was a world of sex, drug, fast cars, and drunken disorderly charges. 

She grew up in a small town and hardly knew the meaning of wild parties or promiscuous behavior. She was what people called a wholesome girl and it frightened him sometimes because he never met anyone like her before. It nearly made him back right out of the room to avoid tainting her with his own illicit background. Then she smiled up at him and he could not have left if he tried.

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of his boxers and she promptly looked away like the well-raised Kent she was. Her eyes stayed diverted until he was safely submerged in the hot swirling water as well. This girl was a gift he never deserved. So honestly good and righteous it frightened him at times. She had the Kent charm and she had the Kent smalltown values. She was one of those good girls men like him only ever heard existed. After all, she had been through there was still that innocence about her that baffled him. 

He smirked wickedly, to hide his sudden doubt that he should even be in the same room with her, "I don't have much modesty to protect, really. You didn't have to look away."

Clair smirked back, "I'm protecting your virtue."

Lex couldn't help the bark of laughter bursting from his chest, "I don't think anyone has accused me of having virtues of any kind in years."

"Then I suppose they haven't been looking at you. I see plenty of virtues." She looked him right in the eye as if to let him know she meant it, which was sobering as well as touching.

For lack of anything to use as a comeback, he fished his hand into the water until he found one of her feet. She jumped at the contact but did not pull away. He carefully settled her foot on his knee and began to kneed to flesh. By the look of her, she considered protesting, more than likely insisting he needn't do such a thing. For whatever reason, after a moment she visibly swallowed the words and allowed the process. He watched her relax back against the tub, watching him from under her thick lashes.

It seemed she could not hold herself back forever though, because she did eventually speak, "You really don't need to do that. I should be the one pampering you considering you brought me here, at my request, no less. You have been catering to me for ages. You certainly deserve at least a few hundred foot massages."

Lex chuckled but kept his self-appointed task. She never was good at accepting gifts in any format, never good at accepting kindness or gestures of affection without feeling the need to repay with whatever currency she had available. Of course, she never seemed to take saving the lives of half the town of Smallville, his own in particular on multiple occasions, as any sort of payment. She could not grasp that it was he that owed the immeasurable debt for that alone, not to mention her priceless gift of love and acceptance. He craved her love more than he did the air he breathed like the poets would have said.

He worked over every inch, massaging nerve endings with what he knew of pressure points and the map of the portions of the foot. He studied acupuncture at one point and massage techniques for his own curiosity. He always tended to love information even about particularly random facts. Once he finished he kissed the top of each toe before letting her foot sink back into the water. Being a completionist he fished out her other foot and offered it the same treatment with his fingers.

The bath was a game, he would admit, but it was a bit more as well. It was not about seduction, it was about intimacy and most definitely trust. He had no plans to lure her into a trap, he more or less sought to prove himself to her. Allowing them an intimate act was a way to build trust and close connection but proving himself capable of being more than his youthful self, prone to indiscretion and impulse. He was a different man now, one that loved her with every part of his being, and he hoped he could prove it to her while they were away from the rest of the world. He needed her to understand.

"Did you know that in some cultures a kiss to the foot, and sometimes the big toe specifically was a sign of loyalty, respect, or fealty?" He could never seem to help the way he bubbled up with random information, but all the same, he peppered her foot with small kisses, unable to help the vows of loyalty coming to mind with each kiss.

She pulled her foot from his grasp and he suddenly found her seated at his side, pressed against him, arms curled tightly around his upper body. He swallowed a gasp at both her uncanny speed that left the water sloshing and at the feel of her skin against so much of his own. His heart pounded hard in his chest and he could admit guiltily to himself that a large portion of his blood rushed south. He could not return the hug well at the angle since she was more or less pinning him, but he twisted his arm to grip her shoulder. Her lips pressed a long, oddly reverent kiss on his shoulder and then his pounding pulse point in his neck.

"I love you." She whispered with an odd rasp in her voice.

Lex was a bit distracted by her body pressed against his but he wrestled his mind from entertaining those thoughts, "I love you too, more than anything."

"You're my world, you know?" Her voice was tight and quiet, "I've lost you so many time- times..." when her voice broke he leaned his head against hers, trying to offer support, "but you always find your way back to me somehow, or I find the way to you."

"That surely counts for something, right?" He nuzzled his nose in her hair, nudging her scalp affectionately, letting her hair tickle his face. "Means it's destiny."

That might not have been the thing to say seeing how she seemed to wither against him, though she did not let go of him, "I thought you didn't believe in destiny anymore. We make our own destiny, I believe you said."

"We do, but some connections are so strong, maybe they really were meant to be. When I see you I can't imagine life without you. From the moment I opened my eyes and saw you hovering over me, I'd never felt a sense more... right. Being with you is like finding... home, something I never knew I was missing before. People would probably scoff at me if they heard me say this, but I've felt for some time that you were... a piece of me I'd been missing all my life." He let his eyes shut as he breathed in the smell of her hair, "Maybe soul mates are real, for all I know."

They lapsed into silence and she settled against him more comfortably after a while. Once she moved to allow it, he wound his arm around her shoulders, careful to keep his hand in an appropriate location. His heartbeat eventually calmed moderately even with her proximity and the intimacy of the skin contact beneath the water. Their breathing fell into sync and he felt incredibly connected to her at that moment, but she shifted away to her own side and he tried not to regret the loss.

With that crooked smile of hers, she reached into the water and he felt her fingers catch his ankle. It was then that he realized why she moved away. Her fingers were smoother than they ever should have been for someone that worked on a farm. He had always noticed that little detail, even when they simply shook hands. He had shaken hands with quite a few farmers, including her father, and their hands were harsh with callouses. Clairs were not butter-soft as many socialites were, but they were far different than they should have logically been.

Lex found himself protesting as she had, "You-you really don't need to. I was just enjoying your company."

"I know." She said simply, but began her methodical study of his feet, mimicking with surprising accuracy what he had previously done, including the kisses at the end. It sent the message she intended perfectly well. Things were mutual between them. They were in it together and she was his as much as he was hers. He understood she was willingly putting herself on his level even though she was miles above him in every sense. It made him swallow and close his eyes to compose himself. It did feel rather good even if he was fairly sure she could crush his bones to dust if she so desired, the key was that she wasn't. She was doing everything but hurt him. The danger in her gentleness was rather intoxicating and he found himself focusing on that rather than any other emotions.

Once it was time to step out of the whirling water he went first, wrapped in a towel he left her to dress on her own to prevent intruding on her. It had been enjoyable, bathing with her but he felt it had been a little more emotionally draining than he anticipated or intended. He felt a bit wrung out, though in a warm, pleasant sort of way but still overwhelmed. They had quite a long way to go between them. Destiny or not, love was work and it was not of an easy variety. If anything, their love was the hardest experience he had in a very long time even if it was well worth it. 

He was only half dressed when he heard the doorknob twisting, though at least it was the important half that was clothed. 

When the bathroom door flew open, her expressing was one of clear purpose, "I was thinking," was all the preamble to the sudden rush of words coming out her mouth with surprising speed, "We need fake names for going into town.  Considering who you are, you sort of just radiate money and power naturally. Where we're staying is also a clue and people will probably assume we have connections, so the names should reflect that; pompous without being obviously fake, ones we could turn normal. We need disguises too! Wigs maybe! And I know how to look different with makeup now so it shouldn't be hard."

Did she take a single breath through that?  And she was only in a purple teary house robe, something he decided she must have done to put his good intentions through the wringer since there was only one belt tied around her waist to keep him from wonderful things.  After the bath, his control was starting to thin.  He wasn't a teenager though, he could stay focused, but sometimes he could not even begin to fathom how to handle her. 

"Pompous... but can be turned normal?" He asked, incredulous.

"Yes!" She flapped her hands enthusiastically, "So we could be rich people trying to fit in but we could be faking it too, so no one can tell. It makes us suspicious so it makes us believe."

Lex balked at her, "That makes absolutely no sense."

"Trust me!" She insisted vehemently, "I'm using Lois logic and it always works!"

"Didn't we go away to get away from people?" He questioned. 

"Mostly,  sure,  but that doesn't mean we can't explore.  We just need a change,  to be away from familiar things.  That's why we need to be other people. I figured they out when I pretended to be your secretary."

With a roll of his eyes he conceded, with no way to argue, and attempted to put effort into it, "Fine... how about Britney, Charity... or... Tiffany."

She scrunched up her nose in distaste, "You literally picked the worst cliche names for gold diggers or strippers. I refuse, next try."

Lex sighed and rubbed his temple, "Alright, how about Gwendolin or Sophia?"

She made a considering expression before nodding, "Gwen for short.  The other one makes me think of soap." She grinned in a slightly worrying way, "What should we call you?"

"Why not use my middle name? Joseph?"

She waved her hand, shooing away the suggestion, "No, no, that doesn't work at all."

It was his turn to make a face, "Why not? The nickname would even be the same length. L-E-X and J-O-E."

Clair visibly cringed but he was unsure why "Exactly why it won't work! It's too similar and someone might make the connection. You don't look like a Joe anyway and I could never call you that."

Once again he decided to acquiesce, "What would you suggest?"

"Oh! I know! Harinford! It's the most pompous name I've ever heard, and I could call you Harry!"

The earned her a disgruntled look, "Very funny! I'm going to say no."

She rolled her eyes, "Fine, fine, how about... Lucious!"

"It sounds very close to Lucifer. Are you trying to hint at something?" He sneered. 

 She was not deterred, "No, no, I think it's perfect! It's even got the 'L' so it makes it easier for me." 

Lex found himself laughing at the surreal nature of his life since he met this girl. Sometimes he would swear Chloe and Lois had done things to her brain with all their wild, insane ideas. He knew she tended to emulate them when she was unsure of what to do. Some days he was a little afraid he was dating a mix of all three women. He could accept that, he supposed, so long as the largest portion was Clair. While he might be insane he loved her enough to console himself to such a future.

"Fine," Clair huffed, "if you hate it that much, we can think of a different one." Her eyes rolled up to the side like she was thinking, "If you want, we can just call you John Smith and be done with it."

They both cringed suddenly, "John is too close to your father's name. I don't think I could answer to that."

She shook her head in agreement, clearly thinking the same thing, "It's actually why I don't care to call you Joe either. It's too close..." She trailed off and it suddenly struck him, a long past memory of her mentioning the name her biological father went by.

That made him cringe as well, "Let's avoid 'J' names then."

"Probably best." She agreed, but she smirked at him suddenly, "We could aim for my mother's name and call you Markus."

Lex huffed and shook his head in amazement, "While I feel less strange about that one for some reason, I'm still going to say no. Let's avoid any and all parental association for this trip."

She lifted her shoulders in a shrug, "Then it has to be Harinford because your father's name starts with 'L' and so does my mother's... and your mom."

Lex blinked at her in surprise, "Your mother? Your... birth mother?"

Bypassing his question she slapped her thicks as if making a decision, "Forget it, we'll just be Gwendoline and Georgianus. Problem solved." 

Lex found himself letting out a highly undignified snort at that. "That sounds horrible!"

"There's no helping it! You didn't like Harinford!" She insisted, but graciously amended it for him, "I guess we could go with Harigan."

"How magnanimous of you!" Lex couldn't help snickering because honestly, it was funny, "Very well, you win! Call me Harry if it makes you happy! You conniving thing, you!"

She bounced up to him with a wide grin and kissed his cheek, "Can I help my own genius?"

"Yes!" Was his succinct retort.

She ignored him, gasping suddenly, "Harigan Harinford! That should be your name! I'll be Gwen Harinford."

Lex covered his face in his hands at the sheer notion of such a horrible name, groaning playfully before letting his hands fall to his sides, "You are never allowed to name our children." They both froze and he made an attempt to salvage his abrupt intimation of their future, "Hypothetically speaking." Not one of his better saves. 

She smiled nervously at him but allowed his blunder to slip by without any comment. They had yet to discuss what they planned to do in the future. The day to day was more than enough for them to handle at the moment anyway. A future though? One that consisted of all those grown-up things, very real and tangible things like wedding rings and baby names? A few years ago and he would have balked at the notion and run the other way. Not so much anymore, obviously, considering he was the one to bring it up. He never consciously contemplated it but now that he said it out loud he realized that he had thought about it in abstract ways. He even... wanted it. For once in his life, there was someone he wanted to have all those cliche things with. He had not wanted them with Helen, not really, he only wanted the woman rather than the future aspects. He wanted it with Clair and the realization was like ice injected into his blood, he could even feel some of the color draining from his face. Alden would have told him he had been domesticated, he was sure.

Lex's eyes turned to the angel that bewitched him and he wondered how bad that could really be so long as it was her. The silence must have drawn on even longer than he suspected if the quizzical way she looked at him was an indication. Those green field eyes looked into his soul to search out his secrets but he allowed it. Luthors never allowed anyone too close but he circumvented all his years of training and allowed his own vulnerability for good or ill. She seemed to have found something in his eyes because she smiled again, but more softly than before, with all pretense of the awkward conversation, banished. He looked down when he felt her fingers link with his and then he inexplicably felt like crying. Instead, he called back a moment from their previous conversation, "You're my world too."

* * *

They took a car and drove out of town in order to procure their disguises for the stay in the little tourist town and it felt strange to hold her hand and drive because it seemed somehow intimate, like a commitment, but he could not bring himself to want to let go. They drove with the top of the convertible down and the wind was a marvelous companion she seemed to relish greatly as if she was well accustomed to the feel of wind whipping over her. If he had seen anything of her true speed, he supposed that was highly likely. 

She lifted her arms over her head,  swaying them in the wind,  eyes closed,  baggy sleeves of the plaid shirt that probably formerly belonged to her father,  flapping with the motion. 

Her hair was wild, flowing like dark ocean waves in a storm.  She was quite a picture,  stunning and beautiful with those hints of darker things underneath. She was,  in a word,  stunning.  It was something like an honor to be seated beside her.  Few in all the world could claim they sat beside a creature of legend,  least of all one so stunning and brilliant like the sun itself. 

The baggy shirts are a stark reminder that she still has not understood the fact.  She isn't secure in herself,  not even now.  There is a lot that goes into her insecurity,  and he suspects part of it is her guilt and the feeling of being different,  but it's more than that. 

He knows it is there, has seen it all along, but the more he learns the more wrong that has become. There is something so fundamentally wrong in  _this girl_ that can do absolutely anything, that can run circles around any human, this beautiful girl that is the embodiment of every myth known through the ages, that is the same girl that feels inferior!

Clair has an inferiority complex! She knows what she could do, knows she could kill with a flick of her fingers, understands her superiority, yet feels lesser for it. He has watched her many, many times, watched those lesser human scum of her high school rip her up and spit her back out, and he watched her  _let_ them do it, watched her try to hold her expression even though her eyes were all the proof he could need to see how destroyed she was over the opinions of lesser mortals. It made him want so badly to destroy those pitiful teens, demolish the family all the way down the line including extended family, but he refrained. 

Clair was what history would have called a goddess, and yet she felt inferior to the mortal men that would have crumpled at her feet a few hundred years earlier, and probably still would if they had any idea what she could do. Even with his own actions, he had to take great care. There had been far too many times he had hurt her, watched the pain flash deep in her eyes; sometimes he had even done it intentionally. It was one of the biggest reasons he could never stay angry with her in the past. Hurting her was like kicking a puppy and he always found himself regretting his actions almost instantly.

Honestly, too, her lies always looked like they hurt her as much in the telling as they did for him in the listening. Whenever she lied her shoulders tensed, muscles visibly knotting, her expression was fixed but he could still see the twitching hiding under the surface, her eyes turned pained and desperate, begging for him not to ask questions that would make her lie more than once. Whenever he accepted a lie she just looked so grateful, eyes almost worshipful when she looked at him; the look made it sting less, soothed the pain of being held at a distance. If he had understood her reasons sooner it might never have hurt him the way it once did. 

At this juncture of time,  he supposed they were even as far as disclosure because they both still had things hidden but they were working on it. 

She leaned over in her seat and gave him a quick peck on the check. The broad smile she shot him told him of her happiness more than words ever could have because her eyes were sparkling at the prospect of this new adventure they were taking. She seemed to revel in this secrecy and anonymity. He dared not ask her if she felt anything like this the last time she hid from the world and wrapped herself in the cloak of namelessness and dove head first into the sea of Metropolis to evade the rest of the world and anyone that knew her. He knew she did not consider it one of her more shining moments but he did understand the lure of getting lost. He had done it himself many times in many different ways. Occasionally he had done it as they were now, changing his name to exist as anyone else in the world. He had worn disguises before, and even brought a hat along with them, though it was resting on the seat rather than on his head considering the wind. They both had a nice set of aviator glasses perched on their noses. 

While she had been intent on procuring wigs for both of them he had already convinced her that a temporary hair color kit would be best for the long run. Her hair was thick and lush so hiding it under a wig would have been more a task than simply changing her color. He could privately admit his adamant stand had been more because he was looking forward to doing her hair than any real hesitance about wigs.

Shopping for their alter egos, he would admit, had been as much fun as dressing her for the party had. They were in very mundane local stores but they still modeled for one another. They took turns popping in and out of a dressing room and twirling dramatically or striking highly ridiculous poses. She dissolved into hysterics by the time he finished with his turn, which had been his aim. He did purchase a terrible little Halloween wig that would need some extra help to look at all like real hair, and even then he intended to keep the fedora on, but he felt up to the task.

Once they acquired their personas they found a dingy, pay-by-the-hour motel. Lex relished the attention he was allowed to give her hair considering he had a bit of a _thing_ for her hair on any given day and this was just an excuse to play with it an inordinate amount. While the color was setting, he worked on his own future hair until it seemed plausibly something one would not find on a cheap doll or street worker.

He watched her twirl a now fiery red curl in her fingers, contemplating her own reflection rather intently. She had initially insisted on being blond but when he explained how much work they would have to go to in order to lighten her very dark hair enough to take blond, she settled on red. He found it almost frightening to look at her considering Martha Kent was a very powerful, strong redhead that he was mildly terrified of, and Clair held a striking resemblance to her like this. Not so much a familial similarity but there was something distinctly like the woman that raised her staring out of the mirror. His own mother was a distinct redhead but somehow he did not see any resemblance there, however, it did strike him as all the more frightening. All the women he knew with that color hair had always been quite a force to be reckoned with.

Something told him red meant something to her as well but he could not decide what it might be, nor if it was a good or bad association. There was just something about the look in her eyes that kept him wondering what she could be thinking. Thoughts were so clearly swirling in her head but there was nothing he could identify because it all seemed to whirl by faster than he could have a hope of catching. 

There was a gleam in Clair's eyes when she turned in the chair to face him again, clutching the chair a little too tightly if the way it creaked meant anything, "I have an idea!" She told him simply before she shot from the chair and beckoned him to follow her out the door.

Lex found himself desperately wondering if he just created a monster because he was personally a little afraid of exactly what her epiphany for their next venture might be. There was little he could do but follow, however, even if he was distinctly apprehensive of the future outcome. He swallowed his wondering when they flopped into the car and he focused on her smile. The way she smiled, it was almost dangerous in its glee. He had seen that smile a few times before but the occasions had been rather rare. She kissed him almost roughly and he surrendered easily to the attention.

"Let's have some fun!" She purred down his ear when she turned the key in the ignition for him, revving the engine, "Let's go." 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, and I own nothing. Please don't sue. It won't get you much out of me.


End file.
